Lejdis Page #3

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What are you doing here,

Edgar... Erwin?

I'm looking at you.

I've noticed.

Care to elaborate?

- Did you think I'd let you disappear?

- Yes!

I won't let.

And? Are you some kind

of B-rate movie psycho?

Will you stalk me,

give flowers, search my garbage,

scare away boyfriends?

Maybe you'll slash me right away?

What are your plans, Edgar.

Erwin?

I will marry you.

You really are a psycho.

A funny one, but a psycho.

- I'm serious.

- So am I.

I'm not sure whether

you've noticed but I work here.

W-O-R-K... And today we've got our

little office star-f***ing-wars.

In a moment a bitchy Death Star

will come and

if I don't send the f***ing

pages I'll be antimatter.

Listen to Korba's

advice and f*** off.

- You're incredible!

- Do I stutter?

There you are at last!

This is Edgar... Erwin...

And this is our editor-in-chief,

whom I told you about...

Korba, don't be an idiot.

I'm not.

Edgar is here by accident.

I sometimes think it's

you who's here by accident.

Mister Erwin Tuszyski

is certainly not.

He's been employed as

our art director today...

We are very lucky to have such an

experienced designer join our team!

Sure.

Hi, darling...

How was your day?

Ok. When did you come back?

Three hours ago.

And who won?

It's been known for 2000 years

that we have conquered Thrace.

- You're quitting this, aren't you?

- Why would you think that?

Your piano,

I thought the barbarians are over.

- A lifetime isn't enough.

- I bought it?

- Who else?

- You...

No way.

I hate playing the piano.

I told you a 100 times!

Who the f***

brought this can?

Yes.

- Monisia?

- Monisia?

- Let me in, it's me!

- Who me?

- What do you mean, who? Nina!

- Nina? What Nina?

What Nina, hun?

Mummy!

Monia's mother arrived

after seventeen years,

with nothing but a grand piano.

She announced that until

she made up with her father,

she would move in.

Monia was furious with rage

but didn't dare to refuse.

No one ever refused

her mother anything.

Monthly reproductive sex was

far from spontaneous.

In spite of this,

Goka loved Artur like always

and suffered when he

stopped noticing her.

She drowned her sorrows

in a glass

which was getting bigger

and bigger with every month.

ucja washed Marek's underwear

with the patience of a saint

and accepted the wedding

date changes.

She didn't notice that Wojtek -

he son's new friend -

was twenty-five years older

than Szymek.

Korba was constantly

proving Erwin that working together

makes things worse,

and completely ignored him.

Secretary Marysia,

for whom Korba is the ideal woman,

was gazing at Erwin

with undeniable fascination.

No, Klaudiusz, I can talk.

This evening?

Maybe, maybe...

You, too,

the way you like

it most...

Ok, bye!

Women's Day was in March,

my birthday is in February,

the Assumption is in August.

- It's a miss.

- But...

Let me finish. I don't give

a f*** if you love me nut!

- But don't mess up my life!

- You really think I'm such a nut?

That I love them all?

Yes, Milena.

I'm coming! I'm coming!

So, how did it go?

- She was exceptionally nice.

- I knew it was a great idea!

With the roses!

People are friendly

in rooms with flowers!

- You did this?

- Yeah!

- I'll remember...

- Thanks, Korba!

Surpriiiiiiiiiiise!

- Aren't you happy?

- I'm waiting for someone.

Phew!

I thought that look was for us.

You'll be stunned at what

we got Goka for her trip!

- I certainly was!

- A rubber black man!

- A piece of his equipment!

- Miiiiiiiiissed!

Look!

Monia told me to light up

my relationship. With this!

- She doesn't like it.

- Perversion's her game.

It's enough for Artur. It's about

his sperm reaching the finishing line.

If they don't move?

We'll buy a doll with huge tits?

- Well?

- It doesn't make any sense.

- They'll split.

- Stop being hysterical, be brave!

This is if the thong doesn't work.

It's so pretty!

Gift stickers, right?

I'll buy something at the airport

for Artur. Cigars or whisky,

- and I'll stick this little heart.

- These are pasties to dance stupid!

No blue ones?

I look better in blue.

Sorry, I've got company.

Professor?

Klaudiusz Jedynak?

Grade eight b!

Professor, had I known,

I would have brought flowers!

- I'm a mammoth.

- I did the mouse prank!

- I'm touched.

- I was so in love with you!

Everyone loved ucja,

me the most!

Alright, kid,

tomorrow is teacher's day,

you'll have a date with

the professor, goodbye!

Korba, am I dreaming?

Did you sleep with my student?

With a kid, a kid!

I taught him euglena, meiosis,

paramecia.

- He remembered the euglena.

- A kid.

But he's just a kid!

- What that kid can do!

- Don't tell me!

I can't hear you!

Can't hear you.

We once went to a zoo in Bali.

- I know that story already!

- Quiet!

And there was a huge hanging bat.

About...

something about the size

of a big cat.

Upside down with an erection.

- I'll get some fresh air.

- Don't interrupt!

Go on!

And that bat, imagine this,

was giving itself head...

I thought I would drop dead!

I didn't know where to look!

- Wiseass.

- It didn't feel embarrassed.

I won't even ask...

Did it come?

Please!

Not when I was there.

The worst thing is that

I have this huge,

enormous, giant ass,

which is totally out of control.

I have my motor behaviours,

it has its own...

For instance,

when I walk down a corridor

I feel it viciously dangling behind.

You can generally kiss my ass.

Each day even more.

And because of this I have to buy

my dresses a size bigger.

That's nothing.

I extract cellulite from air.

My organism can catch fats

essential for the existence

of cellulite just from air,

- and turn them into a fat lining.

- But you're thin as a rake!

No way, hun! I have cellulite

everywhere except under my eyes.

This is physically impossible...

once again.

To mistake a grandma for a wolf!

That girl must have been

either totally dumb,

or must have come from a very,

very ugly-Iooking family...

And if men are from Mars,

they should do back there.

You know, since I'm with Artur

I haven't farted!

- Does he forbid you?

- No, but...

There's no connection.

We pass each other somehow.

You're too tense! Too much

calculation, no spontaneity!

Being spontaneous

is really important.

Hey, when do you ovulate?

In three days

I'm flying to see Artur.

You are not!

Korba! Hand me the laptop,

we'll rebook it for today!

She's right! Be spontaneous!

A FEW HOURS LATER

Gosia?

I feel awfully stupid.

I don't know what to say.

Truth is best.

My flat is being renovated and...

Artur gave me the keys

so I could take a shower...

- You think I'm an idiot?

- Really,

Artur gave me the keys

in the summer...

So I would water

- his plants...

- Water the plants...

And he has my key...

'Cause... 'Cause when

I'm away he feeds my cats.

Feeds your cats.

Charming...

And where is he now?

Feeding the cats

or in the shower?

Gosia, no!

He's in Strasbourg.

In Strasbourg and he told

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