Lejdis Page #4

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me you'd be here in two days.

Change of plans.

Gosia, are you...

- angry at me?

- Should I be?

- Gosia! Anything for you.

- Istvan, please.

But really.

I want to be alone...

Just go!

I'll catch a bus and I'm coming...

What cab, auntie?!

I don't have money for cabs!

- Bye! Sorry.

- I understand...

- So what happened next?

- Nothing. Amazing, huh?

I wouldn't have believed it.

I saw something like that not

in Bali but in our zoo.

- A bat, too?

- No, no! A chimpanzee.

Oh, he's coming!

Hi, darling!

- Nice flowers! For your hard work?

- They're Arletta's.

These are mine...

I have to take a bus to the hospital.

They'll be ruined!

You'll miss the doctor! Marek

will take you. Right, honey?

But what?

Take Arletka, ok?

That is, ok...

A man's got to do... so get in.

Thanks. Bye.

Bye, darling.

Happy teacher's day!

Call me "auntie"!

Hello, Artur!

I don't give a damn about

where you are!

But me and my ovulation

are waiting for you...

You're waiting? For me?

In Brussels?

- Today?

- Right now!

I'm having this autumn's

most important conference!

"Preventing the Extinction

of Europe."

Tell them you're leaving

for practical training.

You have 15 minutes to get here!

I don't give a f*** how. Bye.

No more, you won't eat supper.

- One.

- No!

One...

Good evening, professor!

Will you stalk me all day long?

Actually I'm going to see Korba.

We've got things to catch up on.

- Who's that dumbbell, mum?

- Oh, nobody.

An old student of mine.

What is he doing

at Korba's?

She's giving him extra lessons.

- What lessons?

- French.

This is nothing...

She screamed with that Latino.

- Want some more cheese?

- No, dad. Thanks.

- It's very good cheese.

- I know.

- The best!

- I know, dad, I know...

Your mother had a meeting with me.

She wants to move back in...

You shouldn't agree.

She doesn't have a heart.

I know, sweetie...

I know.

So, thanks! Bye!

- My time too.

- Arletka's cool, isn't she?

- Who?

- The girl you gave a lift today.

Well, I don't know.

Kind of thin.

Can't you stay today?

With pleasure, hun, you know...

But Baej...

Got to go.

I don't know...

It's all this stress!

Sure.

Sure... Stress...

I care, too, you know!

But this is not a lab!

I... I need...

an atmosphere.

- What do you need?

- Atmosphere!

What the hell is this?

Champagne, strawberries,

incense, candles...

I've got f***ing

g-strings up my ass!

- Not that kind of atmosphere.

- I know!

But I won't get myself

an extra dick!

WARSAW:

Plonk!

I know how you feel...

I feel the same.

Only moments are important

in life and this moment is ours.

I'll shag your p*ssy so hard,

your brains will come out.

Leave the pussies alone.

They have weak lungs.

- And how are your lungs?

- Everything's very fine with me.

And some things are even better.

- What about genes?

- Huge.

Firm and ruthless...

That's what they all say.

I'll risk it.

But you need

to get me pregnant.

- But-not pregnant?

- Yes, pregnant!

The procedure is the same,

the finishing line is different.

But, like... straight away?

No foreplay?

No time,

my ovulation ends soon!

It's some kind of a programme, right?

Candid camera?

Where are the cameras?

Me and my beaver are

in under.

One condition:

right here right now.

We enter the spaceship

and land at your place.

Well, not my place, because

I live with my disabled brother.

What is he suffering from?

If it's mental, then no.

That's genetic. I don't want

a murderer or politician!

No, it's ok...

A mere old paralytic!

Quite handsome

for a disabled guy...

It was Marek!

I was a bit drunk, tired,

pissed even...

- I know Marek.

- Pissed? Because of the g-strings!

I knew Monia had overdone it!

You hear me?!

The guy says he lives with

his disabled brother!

Where do we know that from?

I saw his photo!

Damn me if that wasn't Marek!

There, he looked like this.

- Its not Marek.

- You think I can't recognize him?

Even if he does this?

Wait,

wait... It just occurred to me.

It's him!

No way! I'm telling you,

you got it all mixed up!

This is Baej, Marek's brother!

No, honey.

It's that guy from the bar.

Believe me,

he wasn't sitting in a wheelchair.

It's all true!

I saw it myself.

You saw it and didn't tell me?

F***!

I'm so alone with this!

We're such idiots.

I even felt sorry for that S.O. B!

You knew, too?!

I had no idea he had such

an impatient dick!

I can get you a new guy

in 2 days!

Good idea! Cut the old one

into pieces and trash them!

This disabled brother story

isn't for just Lucy!

- What?

- There are more idiots like you.

- Do you want to kill her?

- Me? Rather him!

Don't worry. We'll get him!

There must proof in his place.

- How do you know?

- Murders leave traces!

- We have to copy his keys.

- He never leaves his keys.

- Call him and tell him to come!

- Sure, and tell him what?

You'll say... not.

Tell him you're

hearing voices from the loo.

Korba, you're totally nuts!

I swear, 2 years ago my pipe

started resonating.

It got Radio Maryja. A voice

said "Repent of your sins".

- Hey.

- Hey, honey.

- Your toilet's talking?

- Could you check it?

I flooded my neighbours once.

A drink?

No time! I'll have a quick look!

To your neighbour's.

But wait!

- Dywanik.

- Divan maker? I've got a bed.

- Marek Dywanik!

- Oh, sorry. Wojtek Rawski.

- How's your loo?

- What do you mean?

Anything coming out of it?

Voices?

- Grobik ucja, hello.

- Wojtek Rawski, nice to meet you.

No, no, it's nothing.

My pipe is resonating...

- I hope I didn't flood you, did I?

- No, no, no. Not even a drop...

Thank God!

We won't disturb anymore!

Goodbye.

Ok. Show me the loo and I'm off!

- Maybe a drink?

- I'm in a hurry!

Well, cheers then!

- Are you out of your mind?

- It's just a shirt!

Just a shirt? I look like... f***!

I need to wash it out quickly!

And now it won't come off!

- Why so many glasses?

- Laydees...

You've been drinking since morning?

F***, I'll be late.

- With whom?

- The minister! I'll look like scum!

I don't get it.

I don't know? I only did this...

F***ing sh*t! Are you crazy?

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

Its all due to global warming!

Due to what?

What's got into you today?

Get it off quickly,

I'll wash it.

- Yeah, I'm getting it off.

- Sit down.

Look what I found under

Szymek's bed! God, kids grow fast!

- Here.

- Thanks.

Done?

Salt!

I forgot about salt!

It comes off best with salt.

F***!

Are you finishing?

Just a moment!

- Well, fight!

- It's barely coming off.

Hi, love.

We're having a little mess here...

No, I'm at the education office.

Yeah... I'm doing what I can.

It's the kid! The kid's calling!

You're crazy?

We almost got caught!

Yeah, I'll be Cubaaa

and my fidello will sort out

your naughty havana.

The locksmith's gone!

Whoring around town!

Keep him inside for a while.

- She doesn't know how.

- Move your ass!

Study chapter 1 of Kamasutra!

I don't know what you're doing

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