Lejdis Page #5

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but I'm out of here!

In a tracksuit?

No kidding!

Give me my keys!

I left them in my pants!

- Ok, I'll get them myself!

- Oh, yes! Yes... Get...

Woman, I told you

I don't have time.

Not even a minute?

Not a quick second for your Samanta?

- Luka, what have you been taking?!

- For Samanta,

a very, very bad cowgirl...

Luka!

It was open. I knocked, but...

No, not as loud as you, I guess...

And we got that cream you

said you needed at once...

- The important one!

- Ok... Great! I'm glad!

Leave it in the toi-let!

And... Turn off the water!

Is the coast clear?

Yes, minister, sir...

Everything according to plan.

I'm sending my regards, too...

Talk to you soon.

Excuse me, deputy minister,

where did we stop?

That you'll f*** my brains out?

More or less...

Let's go to my place.

Your brother?

My brother?

He's having treatments.

Oh you're quick.

Ok...

I'll show you something.

Tell me what it is.

You see...

It's not that simple.

Come in.

- There's nothing here.

- Give me 15 minutes.

That S.O.B. hid it.

Well, well, well...

I didn't know you liked diving.

I like to dip sometimes.

Deep?

It depends with whom.

- Would you like some tea?

- No.

Then I'll make you some.

Bingo!

What?

No, no way,

you don't think that...

- There's nothing in there.

- Did he ever tape you?

- No way! Are you mad?!

- Lucy!

Ok! Once!

But only once!

Did you want to show me...

bats?

You know what bats can do?

Especially the ones from Bali.

Balls?

- No, from Bali.

- The islands?

Not only do they have huge

really huge dongs...

they can give themselves blow jobs.

- What can they do?

- Well, themselves...

You know, themselves.

They give themselves head!

The kind of partner

I'm looking for.

Itself.

Jesus, my brother,

I need to pick him up.

Baej... but Baej! Baej!

- 12 tapes and nothing.

- Don't give up.

Goka. Right?

I think I was too hard

on him, he ran away!

- Baej is coming!

- Just this last one.

- "Little Red Riding Hood"!

- I swear, last one!

Voila!

Coffee, like you wanted.

We're not

sitting here to have coffee,

are we?

So what is it, cutie?

Well...

It's about

that thing at ucja's place.

I know, I know...

Not bad, eh.

You liked it.

Very impressive...

Impressive will be

our next encounter.

Anaerobic descent into

the Marianas Trench of pleasure...

- I see you like to play rough.

- You have no idea how!

You'll kill me!

You pathological seeder

of sperm!

- Oh, holy f***ing sh*t!

- It's your kitchen.

- That gal from the New Year's.

- Arletta.

I got his phone, but he got away!

Leave fast!

Ok! Got to run!

I'm not going anywhere!

I'll wait and kill the bastard!

Personally!

The Laydees' revenge

is best served cold!

Good morning.

I'm calling from curator

Marek Dywanik's office.

Right, right, your son's!

I'm sorry. I'm calling from

the cleaner's! Wrong number.

He's got a mother!

There's another one.

Good morning, miss...

Miss Mariolka?

I am Marek Dywanik's friend...

Did you sleep with him?

No, no, this is not a joke!

Marek Dywanik slept with

I have tapes you may want to watch.

Thank you very much.

Welcome.

Please come.

- Please, ucja.

- No. Arletka first. It's her day.

- Alright, come.

- So maybe I'II...

- Please.

- Thank you.

I assume you've already met

Mister Dywanik.

Yes, yes, I've had the pleasure.

I hope that you'll be able

to accurately judge

the professional skills

of Miss Arletta.

Oh, that?

My brother fell off his wheelchair

and I tried to lift him.

- It's nothing.

- Don't be nervous!

Mr. Dywanik is not

a monster and he will certainly

give you high marks,

right ucja?

Yes, yes, beyond doubt...

I'm worried about our equipment,

it's a miracle we got this material.

We have faith in you!

ucja will also keep

her fingers crossed, right?

Hello. I'm calling you from...

The venereal diseases ward.

God bless you!

Maybe I'll hold this.

That's a bummer.

It's glue!

God, there is truly no sanctity left,

Father Director!

Lately the history teacher and now in

the office? It's the end of the world.

Now what?!

What about my class?!

It's f***ed!

That is... if the principal...

I've been preparing for so long.

How will he judge me now?

- I'll think of something.

- Oh, yes, most certainly!

All that for nothing!

The material, the film, everything!

We'll manage, Miss Arletka!

ucja can substitute

for you this lesson.

Me? Well, I don't know...

Final decision, and you,

Miss Arletta, calm down.

You'll get permission

another time, right?

Today I'm substituting

for your professor, who...

has problems keeping an eye

on what is glued to her bum.

Not for the first time, actually...

Ok.

The subject of this lesson is:

"Faith in the Animal Kingdom".

Maybe you, Kozowski.

Which animals form couples

for their entire lives?

In contrast to some of the

education department staff.

- Elephants.

- Well done!

When an elephant dies, her partner

mourns for her. What other animals?

If no one knows, I'll tell you.

The second commonly known

species is the swan.

Basically, all animals

having the least sense of decency

form couples

and stay faithful to each other!

Lobsters, for instance!

Old lobsters walk around

the sea bed holding their pincers!

They don't worry that some peep.

Excuse me, but that is unfair!

Pipa pipa!

Write that down.

Pipa pipa!

Write "pipa pipa" down when

your professor says so.

Toad from the pipidae family.

Known for its

interesting form of reproduction.

Pipa pipa when spawning

makes a somersault!

And now a film about it,

prepared by Miss Arletka.

Switch it off.

Sorry, this can't be

the right film!

You saw that I got it from Arletta!

Thank you very much!

Lucky you prick that

I didn't show the holiday film!

When you were dressed as Santa

and she as a snowflake.

Come, come...

We'll go to my place,

everything will be alright.

F***!

What's going on?!

A tsunami?!

Yeah, that brother of yours

can go completely nuts.

We were waiting for you,

Mareczek.

Hi, girls.

Revenge on Marek proved

to be short-term pleasure.

Soon ucja plunged into

despair for months.

Her job became a constant

ordeal and she wanted to quit it.

Only Szymek was happy

with Marek's absence;

his fatherfigure was played by

his neighbour from below, Wojtek.

Living with her mother was

a nightmare for Monia.

She never felt so unattractive.

She forced Tomek to quit smoking

buying him nicotine patches

as a Christmas gift.

She also swore she would

finally fix her breasts,

to be larger than

those which had fed her.

Artur never called.

Instead, Istvan did on Christmas Eve,

wishing Goka luck in love.

She thanked politely,

although it wasn't easy

knowing your husband preferred

Christmas with

a hairy-assed Portuguese.

Korba's men-hunting intensified,

but together with each new prize

her Ioneliness increased.

She cried the entire Christmas,

blaming herself for not being

strong enough.

The night leading from

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