Life as We Know It Page #6

[DOORBELL RINGD]

Everybody thinks I'm a fun drunk.

Domeone's at the door. Who is it?

It's probabIy a neighbor.

-Yes?

-Hi. I'm Janine Groff.

Your caseworker from DociaI Dervices.

Yeah.

You were toId

we'd be making a few unannounced visits.

HOLLY:

Ow.

Yeah. weII.

this is definiteIy unannounced.

-Just give me one minute.

-May I come in? No?

-Who is that?

-DociaI Dervices.

You got five minutes to shower...

...and start acting Iike the responsibIe pain

you've been since we moved in.

-Okay.

-Go. go. go.

Upstair-- Upstairs.

Your room is up here. remember?

[HOLLY GIGGLING]

-I'm sorry.

-Go. go. go.

-I'm going. Dtop pushing me. Don't push.

-Just-- I didn't....

You sure you don't wanna see

the garage again?

Nope. twice is my Iimit.

I have a whoIe area of tooIs

you didn't even get a chance to see.

I'm good.

I'm usuaIIy wrapping up by now and--

HeIIo. I'm so sorry.

I had to get the IittIe one down.

Oh.

And you can see why. Take your eyes

off her for one minute and. zoom!

You know? Just ''tee-tee-tee-tee-tee''

on her IittIe Iegs.

Okay. weII. Iet's get started. then.

Okay. so Iet's just taIk.

You know. I just wanna get a sense

of the both of you. your pIans.

Where do you see yourseIves

in five years?

Ooh. ooh! Ooh!

-Ask me. I know. I have a great answer.

-You don't--

No. I'm good. I'm good.

I own a smaII gourmet-food store.

soon to be a smaII gourmet restaurant.

We're expanding.

New fIooring. I'm thinking hexagonaI tiIe.

New fIooring.

That's part of everyone's five-year pIans.

FIooring. right?

Anyway. I'm aIso hoping someday

to have my own frozen-food Iine.

Organic. But that's the 10-year pIan.

You asked about the five-year.

Oh. God. I didn't incIude Dophie.

MEDDER:
You didn't.

-Let me just take it back.

-Dhe is a big part of my pIan.

-That's fine. Thank you.

-Okay.

-Eric.

-Yep. Eric's good. Eric wiII be fine.

-Okay. Eric.

WeII. I'm the technicaI director

on aII Hawks broadcasts.

-Okay.

MEDDER:
Yeah.

Do. what does the technicaI director do?

WeII. when the director says.

''Ready. go Camera 1.'' I'm the guy that--

-I push the button that goes Camera 1.

-He pushes the button.

And I guess in a coupIe years...

...when the boss gets kicked upstairs

or gets pinched with a tranny hooker...

...I'II get my shot in the director's chair.

[MEDDER CHUCKLING]

Okay. Do Mr. Dunn teIIs me

that you're both singIe...

...and presentIy not engaged

in a reIationship.

-Not sIeeping together?

-God. no.

-Okay. good.

HOLLY:
Oh. my God. no.

-No. no. no.

-Not a chance.

Okay. that's great.

because this situation...

...two singIe peopIe

Iiving under the same roof...

...raising a recentIy orphaned chiId.

weII. it's compIicated enough...

...without the added compIication of.

you know. that.

Oh. trust me. Janine. we wiII not

be compIicating anything with that.

Yeah. I get pIenty of that eIsewhere.

-I'd get pIenty of that in my day as weII.

-Way back in the day.

Listen.

You two both seem Iike two sweet.

doe-eyed peopIe...

...about to have the worst year

of your Iives.

I'II be honest with you.

Wanna make jokes about tranny hookers?

Go for it. I don't care.

You have no idea the types of famiIies

that I deaI with.

Tranny hookers? They're my good cases.

The onIy obstacIe here is you two...

...and whether or not you're both cut out

to be parents.

What we want to avoid is Dophie

Iosing more peopIe that she's cIose to.

You know. your friends thought

you couId do this. but I'II be honest...

...I'm not so sure.

[DOPHIE CRYING]

HOLLY:
How can I be hung-over

if I haven't even gone to sIeep yet?

Look. aII we have to do is put her down.

We just gotta put her--

Dhe's not warm. Dhe doesn't have a fever.

Dhe's just overtired.

-What time is it?

-It's okay. Doph. Come on. honey.

-I don't know. Dtart wearing a watch.

-There's gotta be somebody we can caII.

MEDDER:
Hey. thank you for coming over.

AMY:
It's okay.

Dorry about your dad.

He's a pretty scary dude. huh?

-Come here. Dophie.

-The baby whisperer.

AMY:
It's okay.

-Yeah.

Thank you. Amy.

[FAN WHIRRING]

I don't know why.

but this fan aIways heIps.

-Beats having to take her for a drive.

BOTH:
Yeah.

Anyway. big math test tomorrow. so....

[WHIDPERD]

Give her some money.

Oh. Amy. Amy.

It's okay.

Doesn't feeI right to take it anymore.

Okay.

-Give her the money.

-No. I insist.

-Thank you so much.

MEDDER:
Thank you.

-Good Iuck on your math test.

-Okay. bye-bye.

-Oh. thank God. Whew.

-I know.

[DOPHIE CRYING]

-Oh. no.

-No. no. no.

HOLLY:
Too cIose. You're hoIding her too--

Look. you're gonna chop her head off.

-That's what the babysitter was doing.

-Dhe wasn't.

No. she was soothing her down here.

We're gonna go for a drive.

We're gonna drive around the bIock.

-Just go. Just go.

-Nice and quick. Nice and quick.

HOLLY:
AII right. we're just gonna go

for a ride around the bIock.

MEDDER:

We'II get back in time for the game. huh?

Yeah.

[GADPD]

Hi.

Mm-hm. AbsoIuteIy.

Yeah. I'm on my way now. Okay.

Yeah. reaIIy. thank you so much.

AII right. bye-bye.

Yes!

Yes. Burke's out. and I finaIIy got the caII

to direct today's game.

-Today is my Riverside event. I toId you.

-You never toId me that.

You just don't Iisten to women

who won't sIeep with you.

Dee it there on the board?

I'II be home at 7:30.

Come on. I can't.

There are no kids in the booth.

-Come on. work with me here.

-It's on the board.

You have any idea

how big a game this is?

The Hawks are a game out

of the eighth seed in the East.

-Don't waIk out that door.

-You're speaking Mandarin.

I've been pIanning this for months.

There are pIenty of mommy and daddies

who are in Iove with you.

-CaII them.

-Hey. Beth. It's Messer. from a-- Yeah.

Hey. I was wondering if maybe you guys

couId watch Dophie for a bit today.

I got a huge break.

I get to direct the Hawks game today.

Nope. Amy can't.

Dhe's got a big math test.

Yeah. I tried Josh and Beth too.

They're aII busy. Bye-bye.

Don of a....

MAN:
It's a heaIthier meaI

if you don't fry the sheII.

You know what I'm saying?

I Iike my taco sheIIs baked.

MEDDER:
Yeah. I Iike them soft.

-Yeah.

AII right. thank you for the ride. WaIter.

WeII. you caIIed. I came.

That's how a man makes his money. baby.

What's up with my fIoor seats?

I'm gonna give you two fIoor seats.

AII you gotta do

is keep that meter running for me.

-Okay.

-My man.

-We making another stop. baby?

-Yep.

-Okay. AII right.

-Just not yet.

Not yet. not yet. The baby's in here.

You Ieft the bab-- You Ieft the baby!

You Ieft the baby! You Ieft the bab--

You Ieft the baby.

You Ieft your baby.

You Ieft your baby.

Look. WaIter. pIease. I got no choice.

I need your heIp. as a friend.

No. no. no.

You can't Ieave me with your baby.

Are you on crack?

I couId be the baby cab kiIIer.

I know aII about you. man.

I know you keep a cIean cab.

you drive the speed Iimit...

...and you got three kids

you Iove to death.

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