Life Is Ruff Page #3

DON'T YOU MOVE.

OK, HURRY UP.

WHOA!

WE HAVE TO SHOW:

THAT WE CAN:

RUN AND JUMP AND HOP

AND KEEP A LOW SUGAR RUSH

WHOA!

CAN WE RUN AND JUMP

AND HOP AND KEEP

A LOW SUGAR RUSH?

KEEP IT BOLD,

KEEP IT BOLD:

WHOA! OH--OH!

[WHIMPERS]

WHERE'D TYCHO GO? OHH!

TYCHO?

OHH!

OH HO!

YEAH! CAUGHT YA!

HA HA HA HA!

ME AND YOU GOTTA

HAVE A TALK.

WHOA! NO! STOP! WHOA!

LOOK OUT!

DO YOU HEAR ME? BAD DOG!

NO, NO! NOT THE HILL,

PLEASE! NOT THE HILL!

TYCHO! TYCHO!

GET BACK HERE!

STOP! STOP, TYCHO!

STOP! I'M LOSIN' MY GRIP!

TYCHO!

OH, TYCHO! AAH!

AAH! NO!

AAH!

[WOOF]

[WHIMPERS]

[COUGHING]

[WOOF]

[WOOF]

OH, TYCHO!

COME ON, MAN.

IT'S JUST FOR

A COUPLE OF WEEKS.

I DON'T KNOW, CALVIN.

LOOK, MAN, YOU WON' EVEN KNOW HE'S THERE.

WHY CAN'T HE JUS STAY WITH YOU?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

MY PARENTS WON'T EVEN

LET ME HAVE A GOLDFISH.

LOOK, MAN, THIS IS JUST LIKE

ISSUE 723 OF GOTHAM MAN,

WHEN HE HAD TO TAME

THOSE WILD STAMPEDING

BUFFALO MUTANTS?

YEAH, BUT GOTHAM MAN HAS,

LIKE, SUPER POWERS.

SO DO YOU.

YOU JUST DON' KNOW IT YET.

CALVIN. CALVIN,

YOU CAN'T BE SE--

[WOOF WOOF]

[KNOCK ON WINDOW]

HEY, MAN, YOU OK?

7 POUNDS.

THAT'S THE WEIGHT LIMI ALLOWED FOR PETS

AT MY APARTMENT COMPLEX.

7 POUNDS.

COME ON, FIGG, MAN,

I WAS COUNTING ON YOU.

ISSUE 723 OF GOTHAM MAN.

REMEMBER?

GOTHAM MAN'S LANDLORD

NEVER THREATENED

TO EVICT HIM.

[WOOF WOOF]

TYCHO'S, LIKE, 24 TIMES

OVER THE LEGAL LIMIT.

RIGHT. LET'S JUS GET HIM IN HERE.

[WOOF]

SHH! SHH! SHH!

GO! GO.

[SCOFFS] LATER, MAN.

LATER.

HEY!

HEY, HEY, HEY.

WHO DO YOU THINK

YOU ARE, BUDDY?

YOU ARE A GUES IN MY HOME.

[WOOF WOOF]

HEY, HEY, HEY.

SHH! SHH!

CONTROL YOURSELF.

OK, LOOK.

YOU SLEEP HERE. OK?

[WOOF]

HEY! HEY.

YOU--OK, COME ON.

GET ON.

[WOOF]

ALL RIGHT. SHH!

QUIET. OK?

[WHIMPERS]

THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

YOU JUST SLEEP--

YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU?

GO LIKE THIS.

GO JUST LIKE THIS.

[WHIMPERS]

SAY, YOU'RE SLICK.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT!

FINALLY!

OK? SEE? SLEEP TIME.

GOOD TIMES, GOOD TIMES.

OH! HEY. HEY, HEY.

HEY.

[GRRR]

[SNORING]

[SNORING]

HEY, SWEETIE, ARE YOU OK?

HUH?

HEARD YOU SNORING

LAST NIGHT.

IT SOUNDED AWFUL.

ARE YOU GETTING A COLD?

UH...UH, YEAH.

[FAKES COUGHING]

I'M COMING DOWN

WITH SOMETHING.

'CHOO!

EXCUSE ME.

AND ONE MORE THING, CALVIN.

YOU'RE A GROWING BOY.

YOU REALLY NEED TO

SHOWER EVERY DAY.

[SNIFFING]

OK. THERE'S ONLY ONE

SANCTIONED EVENT LEF IN THE TOP DOG REGULAR

SEASON CIRCUIT.

IT'S OUR LAST CHANCE

TO GET AN INVITATION

TO THE TOP DOG FINALS.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS WIN IT.

"OWNERS MUS LEAD THEIR DOGS

"THROUGH A SERIES

"OF RAMPS, TUNNELS,

AND WATER HAZARDS.

TIME PENALTIES WILL BE

ASSESSED FOR EACH MISSED

OBSTACLE."

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WITH THAT?

[GRRR]

WELL, WHEN YOU SAID

YOU WERE COMPETING

IN THE DOG SHOW:

WITH JEAN JACQUESQUISE,

ANCIENT DOO DOO,

I DECIDED TO PU MY DOG IN THERE.

[GRRR]

[WHIMPERS]

YOU MAY BE A BIG

DEAL AT SCHOOL,

BUT DOG SHOWS ARE

OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

I WILL DESTROY YOU.

CHILL, PRESTON. LOOK, MAN,

I'M NOT TRYING TO STEP

ON ANYBODY'S TOES HERE.

OK?

YOU LISTEN TO ME

VERY CLOSELY.

WHATEVER SCHEME YOU'RE

PLANNING WITH THA MANGY MUTT,

YOU BETTER JUS DROP IT NOW. OK?

CONSIDER YOURSELF

WARNED.

[GRRR]

HEY!

HEY, HEY, HEY.

OH--UNH!

[WOOF]

[BARKING]

NO, MAN!

I GOT HIM!

OHH...

UNH!

[SHOUTING AND GRUNTING]

JACQUES!

TYCHO!

HELP ME, JACQUES,

PLEASE!

TYCHO!

OHH...

[WOOF]

TYCHO! COME BACK HERE!

TYCHO!

OHH...

OOF! OHH...

OH, JACQUES, I'M SORRY.

STUPID DOG.

YOU'RE SUCH A MESS.

OHH!

OHH!

[LAUGHING]

HEY--HEY, MAN!

STOP!

DON'T--OH! OH!

H-HOW'S THAT,

HUH, CALVIN?

OH! OH--[LAUGHING]

ALL RIGHT,

I'M GETTIN' YOU. OK.

CALVIN, COME ON.

GET HIM, TYCHO.

OH, TYCHO, STOP!

Figg:
CALVIN!

AAH--UHH! OH--

DUDE, YOUR MOM'S HOME!

OH--OH--UH--

OH, HEY, KIDS.

WHAT YOU DOIN'?

WE'RE JUST,

UM...HEH...

CHILLIN'.

CHILLIN' LIKE A VILLAIN,

MRS. WHEELER.

YEAH, CHILLIN'.

Calvin:
HEH. YEAH.

[TYCHO WHIMPERS]

[WHIMPERING]

[WHIMPERING]

[SKATEBOARD]

[BARKING]

WHAT, MAN?

I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL.

[WOOF WOOF]

DID YOU EVER WONDER

WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

LOOKIN' UP FROM

THE KITCHEN FLOOR?

THEY PAT YOU ON THE HEAD

WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY

THAT'S THE WAY I FEELS WHEN YOU'RE A DOG

THEY KICK YOU OFF THE COUCH

AND TELL YOU TO STAY

AND PUT YOU OUT AND THEN

THEY LOCK THE DOOR

THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND

A WORD THAT YOU SAY

THAT'S THE WAY IT FEELS

WHEN YOU'RE A DOG

THAT'S THE HONEST TRUTH

ABOUT THE WAY IT IS

WHEN YOU'RE A DOG

AND WHAT YOU REALLY WANNA DO

IS BE A BEST FRIEND

THAT'S THE WAY IT FEELS

WHEN YOU'RE A...

DOG:

TYCHO?

TYCHO!

COME HERE, TYCHO.

[WHISTLES]

[TRIPS OVER OBJECT]

SORRY MOTHER MOLASSES!

TY-TYCHO?

TYCHO?

TYCHO.

TY-TYCHO! DON'T YOU RUN.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE

KIDDIN' ME!

MAN, I GOTTA GET YOU

OUT OF SIGHT.

NO WAY.

OK.

COME ON. OK. OK.

COME ON. STAY. STAY.

JUST STAY, OK? STAY. STAY.

STAY. STAY.

[WHINES, GROWLS]

CALVIN?

OH! HEY, GUYS!

I WAS JUST, UH, UM...

FIXING A SNACK.

WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED?

AND STOP FIDGETING.

I KNOW YOU'RE

UP TO SOMETHING.

ARE YOU OK, SON?

WAIT! WAIT!

THIS IS--

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

WE CAN STAY HERE!

WE CAN STAY HERE.

WE CAN STILL STAY HERE,

YEAH.

DAD, DAD, LOOK.

SEE, UM, I JUST--

JUST HAD A COUPLE

OF FRIENDS OVER,

THAT'S ALL.

THAT'S ALL?!

CALVIN, LOOK AT THIS MESS.

IT LOOKS LIKE FOREIGN AGENTS

RANSACKED OUR KITCHEN

AND DIDN'T FIND WHA THEY WERE LOOKING FOR.

THIS AIN'T GONNA WORK.

LOOK, LOOK.

LOOK, LOOK, UM--

LOOK, I CAN EXPLAIN--

ALL RIGHT,

LET'S HEAR IT.

MM-HMM. OK.

THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

THIS IS ALL MY--

I'LL CLEAN IT UP--

HOLD ON, YOUNG MAN--

OK, DAD, I'LL DO IT,

I'LL CLEAN IT UP.

THINK ABOUT IT.

HE'S HIDING SOMETHING.

HE DIDN'T TRY TO MAKE

ANY EXCUSES:

AND HE DIDN' BLAME ANYBODY ELSE.

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME

I'VE EVER HEARD CALVIN

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR...

ANYTHING.

I'M SURPRISED HE EVEN KNOWS

WHERE WE KEEP THE MOP.

WE'LL LEAVE HIM.

OH--OH...

COME ON, TYCHO, COME ON.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

QUIET.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

TYCHO?

TY-TY-TYCHO?

TYCHO, MAN--

THESE ARE MY SNEAKERS!

[WHIMPERS]

NO. NO.

NO, NO, NO.

AND THIS IS MY GEOMETRY

HOMEWORK!

NOW, DO YOU HAVE

ANY IDEA:

HOW LONG IT TOOK ME

TO DO THAT?

NOW, YOU TELL ME,

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED

TO TELL MY TEACHER--

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

MY DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK?

CALVIN! WHO ARE YOU

YELLING AT?

UH...

IS EVERYTHING:

ALL RIGHT IN THERE?

YEAH, MOM!

I WAS JUST, UH...

DOING MY NIGHTLY

MEDITATIONS.

OHM...OHM...

[SNIFFING]

OHM...OHM...

BREAKIN' THE HOUSE,

CHEWIN' UP MY SNEAKERS,

EATING MY HOMEWORK.

I DON'T CARE

ABOUT THIS DOG,

SO EVEN IF IT IS

ANOTHER WEEK...

[EXASPERATED GRUNT]

WE ARE OVER.

[WHIMPERS]

YOU HEAR ME?

[WOOF]

WE ARE OVER.

[WHIMPERING]

RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL

TYCHO IS GOING RIGHT BACK

TO THE POUND.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SHOW?

IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

CALVIN, HE'S YOUR

RESPONSIBILITY.

NOT ANYMORE.

HEY, CALVIN.

HOW YA DOIN', BUDDY?

WHAT'S UP, LEONARD?

WHAT'S UP, THRASH?

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