Little Bitches Page #5

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I am the conspiracy theory.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

We do gotta fix the car though.

Dude, we're rich, b*tch.

We'll just buy a new one.

I do not want a new one.

I gotta have this car.

I got this

for making the honor roll

every quarter.

Nerd alert.

Stop. Don't dance.

Don't dance.

And you're for sure gonna go

to the party now. For sure.

Yeah, I know. I...

Yeah, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna be there.

We've never even broken 20

on scratchers.

We never had the whole case.

That's true.

That's true. We got it.

Just look at 'em, Annie.

God, so beautiful.

I cannot wait to go shopping

for dresses tonight.

Me too. We can,

like, get manicures.

I think, like, maybe a hike

or, like, yoga.

'Cause, like, my chakras

have just been

really out of whack lately.

Kombucha to open...

I get the joke.

...my chest chakra.

I get it. Okay.

We had a deal.

And we also have to fix my whip.

Oh, are we calling it a whip?

Yes, I like that term.

Just needed to clarify.

Totally. Um...

A deal's a deal.

But I'm wearing this.

You look so good.

Thank you.

I have an idea.

Hm?

So suck on my penis.

Knock-knock.

Hi, how's my girl?

Okay.

Just okay?

Uh-uh. Not today.

It's the day we've

all been waiting for.

Who's "we"?

You know you can be excited

about this, right?

Shouldn't you be getting ready

for the party?

Yeah, um. Mom, I kind of wanted

to talk to you about that. I...

I think I just kind of expected

something different

out of today, and, um...

I don't know, like,

my friends at school...

Honey, just enjoy the ride.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, that's all

I'm trying to do

is just enjoy the ride.

But I feel like I just need

a moment to just be.

This is your moment

to "just be."

you won.

I don't know

what that means, "I won."

Honey.

I just feel like

I can't catch my breath,

you know

what I'm saying? Like...

I just... I just need to...

Try on this gorgeous dress.

I don't wanna go to the party.

What? No,

you have to go to the party.

It wouldn't be the same

without you.

And you owe it to those kids

that look up to you.

I'm just gonna rest

for a minute,

before I have to go back

to detention.

Detention? What...?

Is this about a boy?

No.

Don't tell me.

I'll find out.

I'll find out.

And besides,

I can't cancel the limo anyway,

and all the girls are in.

You didn't.

Yes, I did.

How rude of me. Shrimp?

The smell is enough for me.

Thanks.

I'd open the window

but they're painted shut.

Rumor has it the last Counselor

leapt to her death.

Oh, my god. Is that true?

I don't know.

I block out a lot.

A lot, a lot.

So about signing my application?

Yeah, okay.

I will sign away, okay,

but I need you to do one thing.

I need you to honor the pact

that you made

with Annie and Marisa.

It's that simple.

How do you know about that?

Annie wrote about it

in her personal statement.

Really?

That little meatball's got

a lot of faith in you.

I told her,

"give up on your dreams,"

just like I did when I married

a sergeant and moved to Wichita.

Little did I know

that I was about to enter

four years of polygamy hell.

My mother told me

I didn't look good in a bonnet,

and I didn't listen.

Wow, you actually have

an amazing face for a bonnet.

You know that?

Can you please just sign

my application?

I promise you if you don't,

my mother is going to call you,

and I really don't think

you want that.

Is your mother single?

Just curious.

No, she's married to my dad.

Okay. Jesus.

A judgment's not gonna

do you well at Stanford.

Oh, wait, yes, it will.

I'm not impressed, babe.

I see one of you every year.

In, out, in, out.

In more ways than one.

We should get, like,

an off-roading Jeep.

We can put our money together.

Whip it, b*tch!

That's why

I f*** with you, Annie.

- Oh, f***.

- Okay, where the f*** are we?

You just gotta trust me.

Have I ever let you down?

No, you haven't.

No, I've never let you down.

This is this guy's business.

- This is his lobby to his office.

- Okay.

And we're just waiting

for his services.

It's strange.

It's a weird business.

I can't get how it works.

No, no. He knows his clientele.

Okay. Right.

Right?

It's gonna be fine.

Okay, cool.

I love you, queen.

I love you.

Thank you. That helped.

Hey, yo, Adrian!

What up, little 'Risa?

Yes. I love this guy.

Hi. Uh,

just the back window.

Dude, get your ass in the back.

I know how to pay you

for your services.

What? Don't do a blow job

with this guy.

I've heard really bad stories

about d*cks.

Wait, Annie.

Bad d*cks or bad stories?

No, no. Sir, I'm just gonna have

to ask you to leave.

I can't have

sexual relations in my car.

I'm not gonna give him

a "blowgy."

Dude, I don't even

have my stuff.

Are you packing

f***ing heat, yo?

Hashtag OG, 80 percent indica,

20 percent sativa,

100 percent dank. Ah.

This sh*t will

melt your face off.

How did you score this,

you little f***ing genius?

Grandma. Neuropathy.

Dude, sh*t's sad,

but what can you do?

All right.

What else you got for me?

Toss in some scratchies.

All right, deal.

You can pick it up

in a couple hours.

I'll meet you back here.

Yes.

Sounds good.

Great.

Couple hours, great.

Deal.

A couple hours?

That timing

will work out perfect.

You always got my back, dude.

- You knows it.

- I really appreciate you.

Adrian...

Uh, just out of, like,

curiosity. Uh...

Do you have any information

on the location

of the party tonight?

Either of you read Vonnegut?

What?

Religiously.

If you find the party,

if you don't, so it goes.

Yeah. Yeah,

I like that.

Okay. For sure.

Just, uh, give me a call, okay?

Thanks, bro.

God. He is the man.

He's so loyal.

No one has loyalty

like that anymore,

except for you. You're my girl.

I was gonna say. Ha, ha.

Um, sorry. Question.

- How are we gonna get back?

- I'm getting us an Uber.

And I know

where to get you a dress.

So suck on my penis.

- I'm sorry this happened to you.

- What an inconvenient day.

We will get back to you as soon

as we know more information.

Okay? Thank you so much.

I'll call you.

Please don't.

Okay, so we are

looking for two girls

driving a vehicle

with a smashed-out windshield

who have stolen

a case of scratchers.

Great. Great.

I don't care, okay?

It doesn't seem like

they'd be too far.

This just happened.

It should be

easy to spot the vehicle.

And?

This information? Throw it away.

Yeah?

I'll toss it.

Because I just got myself a text

from a dweeb I've got

on the inside.

Okay.

And he tells me he saw

a couple of kids

rolling some kegs

to a dirt lot five minutes

from here.

You have childr...

An informant who's a child?

A couple of high school kids.

Couple of...

I give them burner phones.

Little cricket...

Cricket burner phones.

They text me

when they see something shady.

If you see something,

say something.

I'm saying something about that.

That seems shady.

Our rules are protect,

serve and kill.

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