Little Bitches Page #6

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Oh, I didn't know

that third one was included.

Thought it was the first two.

Protect, serve and kill.

A, B, C.

Learn to be a cop.

Learn to be a cop.

I'm trying.

Embarrassing.

My queen. I need my queen.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah. Yes.

I feel like I'm in

dancing with the stars.

I'm gonna drop a beat.

I love that one.

That's my favorite one.

It's kind of cool though, right?

Yeah, I love...

The color's beautiful on you,

but it's, uh... turn around.

Is it...? Is it squeezing?

Um, yeah, but I think

that's just my body.

Clothing companies

don't make clothes for my body.

No, it's... do another one.

This might be tough to get off.

If I scream, call the cops.

No, you call me

because I'm your knight

in shining armor.

I love you, baby.

Just slice it right off.

Marisa? We gotta go.

What...? What's up?

No, we're not going.

I wanna see more.

I like this one. This...

We have to go.

No.

No.

Okay. Yeah, all right.

No, go. Go. Go.

It hurts too.

I will meet you.

It's dripping, Marisa.

Man, everyone's waiting

to find out if Kelly got in.

I bet she'll announce it

at the party tonight.

Probably. Sure wish

you didn't give a sh*t.

Yeah.

I mean,

I get things got messed up.

After you went to gram's,

I kind of freaked out.

Maybe I just care too much

about honoring the right thing.

Maybe I'm a modern-day Jedi.

I'm Mace Windu, you know?

Yeah, you are. Totally.

Remember our strokes cover band?

Ha-ha-ha.

We rocked. We were good.

We killed!

No, Annie, you rocked.

You're like the Michael Jordan

of weird high-school girls

that play cello.

No. You were so good on guitar.

I don't know why you stopped.

Because I'm a quitter.

I'm the quitter.

I'm a first-place quitter.

Yes! Money!

Make it rain.

Uh-oh.

Here we go.

Don't you hate when you sh*t

and the tampon comes out?

It's like, do I take it out

or do I waste a new one,

or push it back in?

Push it back in.

You know gardeners

do crack in those?

So? It's private.

Sh*t, dude.

I have detention.

Oh, my god. I wanna come.

I've never been.

Um...

no, seriously, we gotta go.

Okay.

This will be great.

Annie, I never gave you

detention.

Annie.

I'm just here for fun.

Well, this is gonna be

the opposite of fun,

because here are

the rules... hey!

Here are the rules

for Andy's detention,

since no teacher wanted

to take it over, which means:

No speaking, no thinking,

no breathing

no being fat, no being ugly...

Don't be annoying,

and focus on no one

but yourself.

You! No talking.

N-o-o, no.

I... I didn't...

She didn't even do anything...

No. No.

All right. I want all of you

to write me

a very detailed essay

on how to get a girlfriend.

Uh, not that it's for me.

I'm asking for a friend.

And be detailed.

I want, minimum, 7000 words.

All right? Pictures count

as one word.

Annie.

Hey! I don't

see you writing.

Why are you looking at me?

Start writing.

For those of you who are

still here

for detention, unbelievable.

Uh, also,

regarding this party tonight,

guys, please be safe.

Your old Princi-pal

still cares, after all.

Uh, uh, uh.

Turn off your phones,

or if that's a vibrator,

then go use that at home,

you sick freaks.

Phones where I can see them.

Kelly. Kelly.

Have a seat.

What?

Hey, Marisa.

Marisa, I texted...

Annie, check your...

Check Marisa's phone, please...

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

You sound so crazy.

I have a proposition for you.

What do you want, Andy?

I need to know

where that party is.

Marisa!

Marisa, wait!

Kelly texted you?

Yeah.

What did she text you?

I don't know. I deleted it.

You what?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Marisa...

What the f***

is wrong with you, dude?

You know, I'm starting

to take this personally.

All right?

As your best friend, all day,

we've been talking

about this f***ing fantasy world

that you are never

gonna live in.

I wanna know what happened.

You don't know sh*t.

You're stressing over a girl

that does not give

a f*** about you.

Get it together, dude.

Take the f***ing pigtails out.

Put your big-girl hat on.

Because I'm tired of this.

You brought me

to this f***ing point today!

People leave you.

They don't care!

I don't think so.

I don't care

what you f***ing think,

because I know.

So you have fun at Cornell

with your Ivy league

bullshit friends,

but I'm out.

Deuces.

I cannot believe we did that.

We are such cool best friends.

What?

Let's always be this way.

Let's always be this cool,

- and this there for each other.

- Oh, my god, yes.

I think that we should open

our college

acceptance letters together

at the end of that stupid party.

Really?

Yes.

That's a great idea.

That's amazing.

Dead serious.

It'd be so meaningful.

No, it's dope. Dope.

You know what it's time for?

What?

Do you know what it's time for?

- A group hug?

- Time for a group hug.

Annie, is it group hug time?

Group hug. Get in here.

I love you guys.

Hey. Annie Legland.

Ah.

Hey, Phil.

Grandma?

Hey, baby.

What are you doing here?

What do you mean,

what am I doing here?

I came to see you.

To say hi.

You seen the little sewing kit?

I'm trying to fix

this button on my shirt.

Hot date tonight?

Yeah, actually.

Met her online.

Yeah. Don't need

to know the details.

Marisa, hold up.

Dude, are you really

trying to connect

with me right now?

You came over for a sewing kit.

I'm sorry. I just...

No, but you're not, though.

I have homework.

Isn't it the last day?

Yup.

Congratulations.

Do you mind if I call you

tangerine?

Yeah, I wish everybody

called me that.

Tangy, I know you think

this stuff

is all bullshit, okay?

I do.

I know people

like you. They say:

"Oh, Mark Zuckerberg

dropped out of Harvard.

Look at him now, right?"

That's what I'm saying.

Well, listen up.

To drop out,

he had to get into Harvard,

and to get into Harvard,

he had to apply.

If he hadn't done that

he'd just be

another sex offender

with a website.

Can we please hang out

outside of school?

Not till you're older.

Not till you're 18, or 21

or whatever the legal age

is in this state.

I forget, I move a lot.

You've seen some sh*t, huh?

Yeah. Okay?

Yeah.

And you could too,

if you'd stop being

this off-brand

version of yourself.

Liz. Come on. That makes me feel

like a generic razor.

Yes! Exactly.

See? You're smart.

Just apply

to a state school, okay?

You're gonna get in.

There'll be girls running around

like, "where's my dad?"

you know, you'll get along.

And, um...

Let yourself

have a lesbian phase.

It makes you

a better person and citizen.

And not that you want to,

but if you wanna be a mother,

it'll make you

a better mother too.

You're all right, Liz.

You're not okay,

but you're all right.

One last thing.

Should the chance

present itself,

please honor the pact you have

with meatball

and Blondie McBonnet face.

Hey, if I ever go through

that lesbian phase,

I'm gonna call you.

Oh, my god. Thank you.

Voil. What do you think?

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