Little Bitches Page #7

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Oh, my god.

It looks like a cat.

Oh, no.

No, no. This is...

This is horribly wrong.

What? It says "fab" on it?

Oh, lord, no.

There are lips. Ah!

And there's a decal

with your name on it.

It's like Barney or something.

This is all wrong!

This is criminally wrong,

what you've done to me.

Do you understand that?

I have the biggest party

of my life tonight.

I cannot pull up in this.

Everyone will think

I'm a stripper.

That is not okay.

Do you read Vonnegut?

Yes, I do!

You already asked me.

That's not

what we're talking about.

So it goes.

No! No! No!

It doesn't go.

I can't go anywhere in this car!

I'm not gonna go!

Please just, god, stop smoking.

Save us all.

Weed is a gateway drug,

okay? Just...

Namaste.

Smile!

We're going to college.

Yay!

So exciting.

Have fun, girls.

This sh*t is rigged.

- Hi, sweetheart. It's mom.

- Uh, just checking in.

Hope everything is going

according to plan.

I know it's your big night.

I want everything

to go well for you.

I got you two things for dinner.

I got Italian and Chinese.

I know you like

to have a little bit

of selection

of what you're gonna eat.

Nice whip.

I miss us.

What?

That's what Kelly's

text message said.

"I miss us."

Oh.

Why didn't you tell me that?

Annie, why would I?

Dude, I don't wanna lose you.

You and Kelly, like, applied

to the same schools

and everything.

Places I have

no business being at.

Dude, like, in my mind,

Kelly's the b*tch.

But you said

that Kelly turned on you.

Okay, yeah, I...

I say a lot of sh*t.

God. I thought

you were my best friend.

I am, Annie.

That's the thing. You have me.

You have a family.

You have a long list of people.

I have a very short list.

Kelly doesn't wanna be

on mine. That's fine.

You're my one person.

She can't just, like, jump in

and out whenever she wants to.

She left. She's gone.

Crossed her off.

One less person to care about.

God.

I'm just gonna say it.

I'm gonna go

make something of myself.

You can't stand that, can you?

You can't take it.

You're scared

of what you may feel

if you go

into the real world. Right?

A place that isn't

shocked by your wit.

A world that

actually values talent

and hard work and honesty.

The moment you felt pain

from your parents' divorce,

you bailed on me

and you bailed on us.

You wanna know

why I wanna get so far away?

I wanna go,

so I don't end up like you...

Sad and scared and just

f***ing running away.

Cool.

I'm glad I could be

your motivation.

ID, please?

Look, ma'am, I just...

Sarah Richter?

I swear, I saw you earlier.

Gotta have more than

one job these days.

Are you serious?

This isn't even fake.

This is your real ID

that says you're underage.

Yeah, I know.

Can you just,

like, cut me some slack?

I just lost my best friend.

Hm.

One of those girls I saw

at that party?

Yeah.

Whatever you did,

don't worry about it.

You're gonna do

a lot of stupid sh*t,

especially when you're young.

Yeah, who says that?

I'm not even 25.

I'm buried in credit card debt,

couldn't finish college.

My only friend is my alcoholic

and unemployable boyfriend.

Not to mention I have

a real-life baby on the way.

So, yeah.

Sh*t gets real.

You'll know when it does.

I really f***ed up this time.

Apologize, and then move on.

And, you know,

don't even take life

so seriously.

No one gets out alive.

Richter got jokes.

That was a good one.

Can I just...?

If you get caught,

I did not sell that to you.

Yes. You're gonna be

a tight-ass mom.

You going to the party tonight?

No.

Dude, f*** that party.

Oh, god. F*** it.

Here I come, Phil.

You know what, Annie?

I actually used

to be just like you:

Young, talented,

still a mouth virgin.

Heh. I had dreams too.

And I chased those dreams

all the way down to Mexico.

Despite the weight gain,

I was actually

a very successful dancer.

I'm learning about you today.

Today's not about me.

It's about you,

Anna banana, okay?

The point is, you need

to start living for you, okay?

You can't wait around

for magic to come to you.

It's gonna come in different

forms. It's gonna come to you

in the form of a German juggler

with kind eyes who's a liar.

Annie, he's a liar.

Wait. I think there's

a difference

between magic and a promise.

I have faith

that Kelly and Marisa

are gonna keep their promise.

Oh, god, it's so sad to hear you

just nurture this pipe dream.

"Ma, here's my dream."

Let it die, honey.

You know what, Liz?

This matters to me.

Even if I'm the only one

who still cares,

I'm still gonna finish the job

because we were best friends.

Well, reality called

looking for you.

I said you were in the shower,

but I don't know how much

more time you have,

you sweet little Vienna sausage.

All right.

Well, Liz, I know you mean well.

F***.

Sorry. It's just...

It's like holding a clam

that hasn't

been born yet, you know?

Okay. Go.

Go!

I'm kidding. I'm not mad.

Yo, f*** you.

I'm talking to a wall.

F***!

Just because they're

on a skateboard

doesn't mean

they couldn't be speeding.

I think it literally means they

couldn't be speeding, but...

This is the spot, buddy boy.

Is it?

This is where I bust 'em.

My little secret spot.

What?

Why?

Gram?

Hey, baby.

Have a cannabis cookie.

Oh, gram, these are raw.

Mm.

Oh.

Okay, and very strong.

Um, heh, how many

of those have you had?

I don't know.

Three? Eleven?

Okay, gram,

let's talk about

what's up with the lawn.

Oh. This handsome

young boy came by

and he had

all these political signs

for some woman

that's running for office.

And guess what her name is.

Bohner. Heh. Get it?

I get it. No, I get it.

Bohner.

Are you sure

that's how you say it?

Yes. Bohner.

Now, you know

that heifer got my vote.

You know it!

Bohner?

Yo!

Don't forget to vote.

He called me a boner.

Gram, you are a genius!

I need to get my Annie back!

No, honey, I'm a baptist.

Okay. Okay, here we go.

Here we go.

"Do you have a condom, Phil?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact,

I do know how to put it on."

"Just don't forget

the reservoir tip."

What?

No, that's not right.

Oh, come on.

Oh. Heh. Hi.

Wow. Annie,

you look beautiful.

Wow, thanks.

You look hot.

I was just practicing

what to say to you.

You're ridiculous.

You don't have to do that.

No? Okay, cool.

No.

This whip is one of the craziest

things I've ever seen.

Yeah?

Yeah. I love it.

It's not how it usually is.

It's a long story.

Really?

I can't wait to hear it.

You do? Heh. Okay.

Great.

So, uh, where we going?

We are rolling to the party.

We just gotta

figure out where it is.

Yeah, I have... I have

no idea where it's at.

No?

Okay, well, you know what?

F*** the clues.

We're above the clues.

We'll be smarter than the clues.

We're gonna rise above

the clues.

What? Right?

I dig.

Okay. So we know

there's gonna be

a lot of booze

at the party, right?

No doubt.

Why don't you get me the number

for the biggest

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