Little Fauss and Big Halsy Page #5

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- [Halsy] Let's go, buddy.

- [Little] Yeah.

- Somebody stole my guitar.

- No sh*t.

- Hey listen, it'll be okay.

You'll find a guitar.

- It's okay, don't stay, just split.

I don't want you in my karma anyway.

I gotta be very careful

who I let in my karma.

- Your what?

- I'm not lettin' anybody in my life

when I get straight this time.

- Hey, did you ever notice

that you can drive all day

and all night,

and wherever you stop it's

the same greasy hamburgers?

The same fried egg.

Served by the same fat waitress.

It's just like you never

went nowhere at all.

- It's like you never went nowhere.

- That's just what I said.

That's what I said, dude.

(Little chuckles)

It's always the same.

- What are we gonna do about her?

- It's her lookout.

- Well sure, where are we even going?

- Just some other greasy

spoon down the road.

- Yeah.

It's just another greasy

spoon down the road.

- I gave her five bucks.

- You gave her three bucks.

- Oh, was it three?

- What's she gonna do with three bucks?

- You big lover.

(chuckles)

- I don't have to be her lover.

- (chuckles) I knew you'd

get yourself in trouble.

- Well you get yourself in trouble,

why can't I get myself in trouble?

- Hey, because I can get myself out.

I can get myself out again.

- I want her.

- You want her?

- I can want somebody too, you know.

- Oh no, man, I can get you somebody.

You could have Moneth.

- I want somebody who's my own.

What is that dope-head

community screw, man.

She's nothin' but some

mama for all them freaks.

- No man, she's all alone.

(boat horn)

- You know what I wish?

- What?

- I had me a Geiger counter.

- A Geiger counter?

- I'll marry me the first man

who comes up with a Geiger

counter and we'll live at the beach.

You know how treasure there

is buried in the sand alone?

Plenty.

- You know what I wish?

- What?

- That somebody asked me what I wished.

- Okay, what do you wish?

- I wish that we'll all be friends

and have good luck and be happy.

(chuckles)

- [Woman] How'd that happen?

- Well, I was going as fast as

I ever went in my whole life

and fell off.

Him and me.

- Yeah, I heard you break your leg.

- Hey, remember what happened in digger,

he was workin' on the oil rigs.

- Digger?

- Isn't that in Oklahoma?

Where the whole town blew up or something?

- Never heard of it.

- He wasn't expected to live at first.

And then he was never supposed to walk.

- Sure.

- Sh*t, the way he said it,

I thought it was famous.

- Mm, well.

A spine's integrity.

His is broken.

- What's the leg?

- The leg?

- The leg's sport.

- [Voiceover] Slow down, slow down!

Over here, over here!

(screams) Son of a b*tch!

- [Voiceover] Watch where

you're goin', you jerk!

- [Voiceover] We've got a

real celebrity here with us

this afternoon, folks.

Rick Nifty's in from the

east so this is the guy

that's the guy to watch

here this afternoon.

Let's get all the runners over

here for a rider's meeting.

- Now all you tuners and

sponsors have got to conform too.

No more of these weird outfits.

We got too many of these

weird outfits in the pits.

Now you all wanna keep racing

something you can be proud of

so we gotta get rid of these high heels

and these tight pants.

- I see there's some pretty

illustrious people here today.

- [Organizer] Now let's get

back 'cause we got a lot of

things to do and we don't have much time.

Come on, men, let's get going.

- Hey.

- How you doin', Rick?

- Hey, you probably don't

remember but a couple years back

when the army had me for a

couple of years and I got this

back messed up in Vietnam, you

and me went a round together

at Sears Points.

- [Rick] Oh, is that right?

- [Voiceover] How's it goin', Rick?

- When Uncle Sam calls

you, you gotta do your duty

and you do your duty even if it costs you

and you gotta begin all over again.

- Look I gotta go to work if

I'm gonna do any racing today.

- Oh hey, no sure, I just wanted

to extend my apologies for

this rotten track, excuse me honey.

This rotten track and tell

you to be sure and watch out

for that transmission fluid

on the track and them grease

stains that they left from

the drag races last night.

Hey.

I wanted to tell you it's a

real pleasure, a real pleasure

to go around with a top

professional go-faster here today.

Maybe again next year at Sears Point.

Oh hey, when is Sears Point, this year?

(background chatter)

Did you see that?

It's ol' Rick Nifty.

Rick Nifty.

Old buddy of mine.

(chuckles) It ain't even

legal I got him so panicked.

Only way that dude's gonna see the finish

is to get in my draft.

I'm gonna blow that son of a

b*tch right off the course.

- Hey hold it, Halsy.

- He just better watch his ass.

- You just better watch yours, man.

- What they ought to do is to pay me extra

just for making it interesting.

That's what these square-jaws

want, is to see the real

muscle fighting it out!

Two top fast go-getters,

fightin' it out to the finish.

- The world starring Halsy Knox.

- How's that, Lady Godiva?

(cacophonous engine revving)

(drowned by out engines)

- [Voiceover] Go!

(muffled announcement system)

- [Voiceover] This could

be an upset because Nifty

is not used to being behind!

(distorted and muffled

announcement system)

- [Voiceover] Look at him go!

Oh, and there goes Fauss!

Fauss gets a California bath!

- No scot-roddy Rick Nifty Van

Dooz and Jim Dandy Sinclair's

gonna lift his leg on

me and get away with it.

That bastard think he's the

only one who ever been up to

Sears Point?

- When were you at Sears, Hals?

- He don't know I wasn't

ever at Sears Point.

It rained the year I was at Sears Point.

Drove all the way up to 'Frisco,

got up there and it rained.

- I heard they raced

race or shine up there.

- Not if there are earthquakes.

Who couldn't win a race?

You fly in the morning,

you fly out at night.

You got the top tuners

workin' the top bikes for ya.

- You carried your mad

into that race, Halsy.

Which is the dumbest thing,

man, that anybody could do.

- I gotta get me a sponsor.

I gotta get me a sponsor.

- And that's where you goofed, you know?

- Somebody who knows bikes

much less throttle return springs.

- That throttle return spring was perfect.

- Man, I couldn't have

stopped nowhere in that

Micky Mouse scooter of yours, Little.

- Yeah, you missed the trail, man.

Hey, you can't ride, that's it.

You can't ride.

(melancholic country music)

True love is greater than friendship

That's right

Even though it's seems wrong

And before I'll see you

Hurt her anymore

I'll just hold to her love

But I'll be gone

You don't really want her

You're playin' a game

Oh you use her

And drag her along

And before I'll see you

Hurt her anymore

I'll just hold to her love

But I'll be gone

You'll use her, abuse her

Mistreat her then leave her

- Hey what, are you drinking

all the beer, old buddy?

(repeated clunking)

Well it's on your side, dude.

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