Little Johnny - The Movie Page #4

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to see if you were feeling better

This morning before Mass Little Johnny

told me you were ill!!

Told you i was ill!!

- You know i think boys are stupid...

- Oh I agree...

No were not...

Oh yes they are...All boys are stupid...

- Stupid, stupid, stupid

- And girls are so much better

Oh yeah...

At least i got one of these!!!...You haven't...

I Don't Care..Johnny

Because Mum say's, that with one of

these, i can get as many of those as i like...

Just a minute Young man...

Oh, Hi Mum...

Why did you lie to Father O'Flarity?

I didn't...

Well he told me that you said i was ill...

But you were Mum...

What makes you say that?...I wasn't ill

Well..I was walking past your bedroom

this morning and i distinctly heard Dad say...

Come on turn over and take your medicine...

Oh..Well i'm much better now thank you...

Well come in here please we have a visitor..

Look who's here Johnny..Mrs. Quiggly

You remember Mrs.Quiggly...

Go and give her a kiss...

Come Darling give us a kiss...

No....

Oh, what's the matter Sweetheart?..You too shy?

No...She's too Ugly

Johnny!! How dare you...

Appologise to Mrs.Quiggly this instant....

Appologise...

I'm sorry...Your so Ugly Mrs.Quiggly

Can i go now?

Okay...Quieten down Quieten down...

QUIET!!!

Ha!!..Thank you

Now Class...Today were gonig to talk

about Multi-syllable Words...

Does anybody know of an example of

a Multi-syllable Word?

Mary...

Pretty...

Very good...

Roger...

Um, Monkey...

Very good...

Yes..Johnny!!

Mas-ter-bate...

Oh Johnny..that's a mouthful...

Oh no Miss, You must be thinking of Blow-Job

Quiet please...

Now let's move on..Okay today

were going to have two special words

The first being.."Perhaps". Who can use

the word "perhaps" in a sentence?..Yes Mickey...

If were good and we don't give you no

trouble or nuttin', "Prehaps"

you won't give us any homework...

Well, we'll see about that...

Yes Shana...

The sky is very dark, "Perhaps" it's going to rain...

Excellent Shana...Very good use of the word...

YES JOHNNY!!!

Yesterday when i got to my Uncle's place after

school, my Cousin Cheryl and her Piano teacher

both had there pants down around there ankles

- "Perhaps" they were going to sh*t on the Piano

-JOHNNY!!!...

- Yes Miss...

- That is totally unexceptable...

From now on you are to sit there...

Do nothing...And above all else be quiet...

Now Children...For today's second special word

I would like to see if anyone can use the

word "Beautiful" twice in one sentence...

Yes Shana...

My Cousin wore a "Beautiful" Wedding Dress

and the whole Wedding was just "Beautiful"

Very good Shana...

Yes Roger...

It was a "Beautiful" day and my Father took

us to the Mountains, for a Picnic

and the views were simply "Beautiful"

Very good Roger...

Miss...Miss....I can use it in a sentence 3 times Miss

Really!!! Oh alright Johnny, but be careful...

Well Miss, one night my Cousin Cheryl came

home and told my Uncle Kevin that she was Pregnant

and Uncle Kevin said, "Beautiful"..."Beautiful"..

Just f***in' "Beautiful"...

That's it...

I have had quite enough of you young man

You are constantly disrupting my Classes

with your foul language

But it's like i'm invisible

She doesn't even know who i am...

And that's why you wanna win the race?

Yeah..I have to win the race...

No you don't mate...There are others

ways of getting a girl to notice ya...

And if that fails...we'll go to Plan-B...

So what's Plan-A?

It's a known fact that over a half the

world, was conceived to love songs...

Write her a love song and even if you sound like sh*t,

she'll forgive you if she likes the words...

Uncle Kev...

Can you teach me a love song?

Hi Honey...I'm home

Hello Darling...We need to have a serious talk..

Look what i found in your son's closet

when i was cleaning up today..

Well....What do you think we ought to do?

Well i don't think we should spank him...

# What's going on...

# I'm starting to change...

# I get Butterfly's...

# When they mention your name...

# I pant like a Puppy...

# When i see your face...

# I got girl germs...

# I stammer and stutter...

# When i try to speak...

# When you smile at me...

# I go weak at the knee's

# I'm losing control, Christ...

# I hope i don't pee

# I got girl germs...

# I worried because...

# Me Dick will drop off...

# And i'll grow me a full...set of Tits...

# And wear frilly knickers...

# And make-up and stuff...

# And i'll have to sit down..to piss...

# What can i do...

# Will this feeling go away...

# Sorta hoping it does...

# Sorta hoping it stays...

# Uncle Kev say's...

# I need to get laid...

# I got girl germs...

Oh Kevin what are gonna do?

Jesus, I don't know love

I'm only short 100 bucks, surely the Bank will

give us a f***ing extension

What..An extension on an extension..

Well why not!!!

We've been doing business with those

bastard's for near on 10 years..

It's the least they can do...

Oh i hope your right Kev...

Hello Uncle Kev...

G'day mate...How'd it go?

Oh...F***...Well not everybody's got an ear for music...

We'll just have to try something else...

Bu..But she doesn't like me Uncle Kevin...

Mate, she's a woman...

She's just a bit confused in her head...

Watch it Kevin...

Well w..what i'm saying is that

they're not like normal people...

And they need lot's of proof that your not a loser...

So how do we do that?

Err..Be a winner

Exactly...

Well there it is mate...Superstition Hill...

And it's not for Pussies...

Imagine..Your Crown Jewels are gonna be

dangling no more that 5 inches from the ground...

It's like a bloody Cheese Grater at that speed...

I've seen many a Genital torn to shreds...

An they were the bloody lucky ones...

The other's...well...

But then again...i think

superstition's got bugger all to do with it!!!

It's all about the bloody training...

Now you move into 5th position...

"Short worm shows balls to sun"...

Come on...

Faster....

Put some bloody effort into it...

Those leg's have got to be like steel f***in' springs...

Here we go...

Forgive me for asking but...Shouldn't Little

Johnny at least have a go in a real Billy-Cart?

Ah sh*t yeah...obviously

he's got to pass this test first...

So...What do ya reckon?

What a piece of junk!!!

Well, she may not look like much but...

she's got it where it counts kid..

She's a bloody marvel of engeneering...

Probarbly the fastest Downhill Racer ever built...

She's smashed all but 2 records around the country

Ball Bearing Hubs...

Geared differential...

And about 40 pounds of ballast to speed things up...

So Johnny...You ready?

I'm ready...

Hang on...

Wow...

Thrilling...

Okay, so it needs a bit of oil...

Aarrgghh..Me f***in' thumb...

He's ready...

- Really...

- Yep...

Ready as he'll ever be..

God, I know i'm not perfect

But if you can let me win the Billy-Cart Derby

and get the money i need

I'll be able to buy the Super Deluxe Dragster Bicycle

And then maybe..just maybe a certain

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