Looney, Looney, Looney Bugs Bunny Movie, The Page #5

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Doesn 't that look-?

What's the matter with me?

I- I gotta get birds off of my mind.

Maybe I'll take up a hobby.

[STOMACH GROWLlNG]

What kind of a hobby

would interest a cat?

Badminton? No, that's got a bird in it.

Oh, golf.

There's birdies in golf.

Falconry? No, no, that's out.

Baseball. That's it.

But what about the Baltimore Orioles?

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Y eah, you ought to be ashamed

of yourself.

You bad old pussycat.

I know. I'll play the radio.

Music will get my mind off of it.

MAN [ON RADlO]:

That was "Bye-bye Blackbird. "

And now we'll play "When the Red, Red

Robin Comes Bob, Bob Bobbing Along. "

I gotta stop myself.

There.

Now I won't be able to get the bird.

Oh, Mr. Pussycat?

Don't you like me anymore?

I- I think- I think-

I think you're-

I think you're delicious!

I'm sorry I had to do that.

I was afraid you might be weakening.

SYLVESTER:

Yes, I did weaken.

Thanks a lot.

[SCREAMS]

Uh-oh. Here we go again.

One little bird, just one. Just one.

No one'll know the difference.

No one. No one.

Just one, then I'll quit.

I'll quit after one.

Just one. Just one.

One little bird. Just one.

One. One.

[GASPlNG]

[SOBBlNG]

I can't stand it. I'm weak.

My compliments

on a very fine performance, Sylvester.

- Say, you're pretty good too, Clarence.

- I gotta have a bird.

I'm weak.

I'm weak, but I don't care.

I can't help it.

After all, I am a pussycat.

Oh, come now.

There's no need for this demonstration.

Birds and cats can live together

with brotherly love. Watch.

Come here, little bird.

Here, you see?

I really love birds.

[CLARENCE YELLlNG]

- Let me go. Let me go.

- Stop it!

I gotta have it.

- One little bird. Just one.

- Control yourself.

It's been so long.

- Let me go.

- Like I said before...

...once a bad old pussycat,

always a bad old pussycat.

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

I'll take possession of that little bird.

You can't be trusted.

And that makes two of you.

That's the story of my life.

In one cat and out the other.

Our next nominee is a star whose name

is synonymous with show business.

It's about time.

Whose fame has spread

all over the world.

Hold your applause

until he announces my name.

Then you can cheer your heads off.

And the nominee is-

Oh, goodness me.

How about that?

The nominee is, heh-heh-heh...

...Bugs Bunny.

What? Bugs Bunny?

Well, it can't be.

This whole thing must be fixed.

It's a big rip-off.

And here's a few scenes

from my picture High Diving Hare.

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

BUGS:
Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Step right this way, friends.

Right this way.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,

the greatest aggregation of talent ever...

... to be presented

on any vaudeville stage.

Butterfingers and Clumsy,

the world's foremost jugglers.

Fearless Freep

and his sensational high-diving act.

Fearless Freep?

That's my boy.

Give me a ticket.

Give me a whole mess of them.

I'm a-splurging.

Bring on Fearless Freep.

On with the show.

[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]

MAN:

Telegram.

BUGS:
"Delayed by storm. Stop.

Arrive tomorrow."

Signed "Fearless Freep."

[CROWD SHOUTlNG]

Come on. quit stalling.

Bring on Freep.

quiet. quiet, please.

Ladies and gentlemen,

due to an unfortunate delay...

...Fearless Freep will be unable to

perform his high-diving act today.

What?

I paid my four bits

to see the high-diving act...

...and I'm a-gonna

see the high-diving act.

Well, you talked me into it.

No stalling. Now keep a-moving.

All right, all right. quit shoving.

Now, you varmint, dive.

Okay, but you gotta close your eyes

while I put on my bathing suit.

Oh, all right, but make it snappy.

Ready.

[WHlSTLlNG]

Splash!

[GARGLlNG]

By gar, the critter went and done it.

And, now, ladies and gentlemen,

for our next attraction-

I said, I aim to see you dive,

and I'm a-going to.

Well, here I go again.

One for the money, two for the show,

three to make ready and four to go.

Bon voyage.

Uh-oh. Forgot to fill the tank with water.

If you ask me,

that rabbit is making a fool-

I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.

Shut up, duck!

I'm shutting.

Now, you dog-blasted, ornery,

no-account, long-eared varmint.

Hey, just a minute, you.

Them's fighting words.

Yeah, them's fighting words.

I dast you to step across this line.

I'm a-stepping.

I hate you.

[SPLASH]

[SPLASH]

[SPLASH]

[SAWlNG]

Now, you smarty pants,

let's see you get out of this one.

[SAM LAUGHS]

This time you're a-diving.

[CRASH]

I know this defies the law of gravity,

but you see, I never studied law.

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

And now that moment

we have all been waiting for.

[GlGGLES]

The envelope, please.

Oh, my goodness,

I just can't believe it.

Oh, this is too much.

Give me. I'm not too humble

to read my own name.

The winner

of this year's Oswald Award is...

...Bugs Bunny?

[ORCHESTRA PLAYlNG

AND CROWD CHEERlNG]

Stop the music! Hold your applause!

It's fixed. He gave himself the award.

It's a phony.

I don't deserve this.

Really, it's just too much. I'm-

You are despicable.

I challenge your so-called talents.

I can do anything better than you.

Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Yes, I can.

Let the audience decide. I dare you.

Okay, Daffy, fair enough.

Try not to trip me up

with those big feet, please.

I'll try, Daffy.

We're on.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYlNG]

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

Boy, listen to that. They love me.

[APPLAUSE STOPS]

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

I'm sick of people taking bows

for my talent.

Now, do your own dance.

I challenge you.

Dance, if you're not a coward.

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

[ORCHESTRA PLAYS]

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

Hardy-har-har.

If they liked that mess,

they're starving for some real hoofing.

I'll kill them. Music, maestro, please.

E- flat from the top.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYlNG]

[CRlCKETS CHlRPlNG

AND FROG CROAKlNG]

Ingrates.

Obviously, this audience has no class.

I've got a pigeon act

that will bowl them over.

Okay, Daffy,

I'm giving you all the rope you need.

Now it's my turn to do an act.

Go ahead. I'll love to see the audience

boo you off the stage.

After which,

I place a volunteer in this box...

...and proceed to saw him in half.

What? Don't tell me you've got the gall

to pull that old sawing-in-half routine?

Yes, if I get a volunteer.

Volunteer? Hmm.

I'll be your volunteer.

This whole thing is a fake.

The way it's done is very simple.

Fake feet out one end

and I'm all scrunched up in this end.

The oldest trick in the book.

His turban is a fake too.

Just a hotel towel.

[CROWD APPLAUDlNG]

Don't applaud him.

Look, I'm not cut in half.

Stop applauding!

It's a fake!

Hmph. It's a good thing I got Blue Cross.

And after intermission,

I'll play the xylophone.

Xylophone? Hmm.

I can get rid of the rabbit

and it'll look like an accident.

[TOOLS CLATTERlNG]

When he strikes this note...

...instead of a xylophone,

he'll be playing a harp.

[LAUGHS]

Now with your kind indulgence, I'll

play "Those Endearing Young Charms."

[BUGS PLAYlNG OFF-KEY]

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