Lost in London Page #10

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Which one works for you?

Are you the natural born killer

or am I the natural born killer?

You, you, you

Me?

I'm the natural born killer!

Yes, yes!

Thank you. That means a lot.

Tell me, what's the most women

you've slept with in one go?

Dude, I'm not answering that.

I hate you.

What's it like to be with

three birds at once?

Dude, I love my wife.

Of course, but what man

would turn down three birds?

I mean I wanna meet that guy.

I don't wanna meet Tony Blair,

Stephen Hawking, Ted Danson...

but the man who turns down

three birds.

I wanna meet him, buy him

a pint and ask him...

"What's wrong with you?"

Sign this.

What is it?

Your statement.

Uh, responsible for all damages,

injuries, physical, emotion...

Emotional? Dude, I'm not

signing this.

I I don't have a pen.

Just, okay.

Right.

Hmm... so easy.

Can I ask you a favor?

Now, tomorrow I'm taking my

kids to Leavesden Studios...

to meet Harry Potter, which

you're welcome to come.

Hmm.

Yeah?

But I we gotta leave here

by, I don't know, 6:45, 7:00...

because we've gotta be

there by 7:
30 sharp.

So do you see any way, any way

at all that that could happen?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Sure.

Really?

Yeah.

You just have to pick the lock

to your jail cell, kill me...

and sneak past all these other

coppers and out the front door.

I mean other than a murderous

jail break, is it possible?

No chance. I'm the natural

born killer.

( SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING )

Come on, get up.

What time is it?

It's 11:
55.

Time for you to make your call.

Oh... okay.

How'd it go?

Not good, man.

I I I don't think

he's gonna let me go.

Just make your call and let

me deal with him.

Here.

All right.

Okay.

Well, I mean, I don't have this

number memorized or anything.

Well, I just

do you know how to

Are you sure you don't have it?

No, I don't have it memorized...

can you just

Let me see.

Eh... Sloane Hotel.

Sloane Hotel, please.

Here, it's ringing.

Yeah, er... oh, hello, hello.

Hi, er, this is

Can you connect me with

Woodrow Wilson? Yeah.

Thank you.

It's my pseudonym.

Yeah, hi, hi, uh, yeah...

it's just ringing.

Hi, yeah. Hello?

It's ringing.

[PADDY] It's quite late.

Just keeps ringing and ringing.

[PADDY] No answer?

Hello? Hi.

Just ringing.

Maybe she's asleep.

Oh my god, hello?

Are you on the phone?

Yeah, yeah, hi.

Just one second, sir.

Sorry, sorry.

It's just... yeah, can you,

er, can you ring the room again?

Yeah, just ring it one

more time.

It's ringing.

It's quite late.

Ring, ring.

Just, I don't know why she

isn't picking up, man.

Maybe she's sleeping.

Unlucky.

Take him to his cell.

No... can you just, just

one second.

Hello? Hang on. Yeah, hello.

Listen, will... ring it

one more time, will you?

No, dude, I I

I can't call back.

No, I I can't, because this

is my only call.

Because I'm in jail, so would

you just please ring the room

Hello?

Alas.

What the hell? Why are people

hanging up on me today?

Unlucky.

Sir, maybe if we...

Can, can I just call her cell?

You had your call.

Just let me call her cell.

You had your call.

Well that's not fair, man.

Sir, if we mention that we're,

we're the police, then maybe...

Take him, Paddy.

No, please, please, just let

me...

Let's go, sir. Come on.

Take him.

Come on, let's go, now, now.

Can I ask a favor, man?

There's nothing I can do.

This is my first day.

Dude, do you have a pen

and paper?

There's only so much I can

help with, I'm new here.

Please, do you have a pen

and paper?

Here.

Okay, look.

I want you to just call

this number, right?

And my wife will come and,

and, and save me, okay?

So just please do this...

because my kids are gonna meet

Harry Potter in the morning.

It's gonna be the biggest

day of their lives.

And I beg you, please,

please to do

You, you, you have any kids?

Yeah.

What?

What?

What?

I just told you about my

son eleven minutes ago.

Were you listening, you fake?

Feigning interest in my kid.

"Maybe our kids could

play together."

Oh, no.

You're a fraud.

Oh I am so sorry, dude, I'm so

Don't try and nuzzle up to

me, you twofaced creep.

I don't talk about me son

to anyone.

That's cre you're creepy.

No.

No, no, I'm not creepy, man

You are, you're creepy.

You twofaced, stoner,

Hollywood creep, let's go.

But, but my, my kids are

not creepy.

They're the most uncreepy

kids in the world.

They deserve to meet

Harry Potter.

Yeah, well, my kid deserves

to meet Harry Potter, too.

Well, bring him and they

can meet, and all of them...

can meet Bumbledore and, and

Harry Potter, and, and Her H...

Look, dude, dude, I I

I'm sorry, okay?

Yeah, you look it, let's go.

No, I mean, I'm I'm a lousy

excuse for a human being.

Well, I couldn't have summed

it up better myself.

I never graduated

from adolescence.

I'm like perpetually, you know

and I I get high all the time.

And I get drunk all the time.

And I'm filling my senses...

and my heart is withering

in my chest.

And and my wife is the

most incredible person...

on this earth and I

Dude, she's, she's gonna

leave me.

And when she leaves me,

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna break up with

myself, man.

I I look I was,

I was manipulating you earlier.

I was trying to curry favor...

pretend that I cared about your

son, hoping you'd help me.

But I don't blame you if

you don't forgive me.

I mean, I've I've actually

grown unsympathetic to myself.

But I, I, I would love to take

you and your son to meet...

Harry Potter tomorrow if, if

You can believe that, man,

even if my family can't come.

You'd take me and my son

with you to see Harry Potter?

Even if your family didn't come?

Yeah. Yeah, I...

You could be manipulating

me now.

But I'm not asking you

for anything.

Neither am I.

Come on, let's go.

Yeah, but...

Come on, go, let's go, get in.

Pad, Paddy?

Yeah?

Thanks, man.

For what?

You're a good man.

Goodnight.

I think that's yours.

Oh, thank you.

God.

Stupid!

Stupid, stupid, stupid...

stupid, stupid, stupid,

stupid, stupid!

God, it's been a while...

and I haven't been a very

good Christian.

I know, I guess I got lost

in the carnival and I just...

I don't know if you're

up there, God...

but if you are, this is it, man.

I mean, my wife and my, my

best friend on the same day.

I mean, even Job had a week

to adjust, I mean, God...

please, please, God,

don't let me lose her.

Please give me another chance.

Please, God. Please.

Please, please, God.

Please.

( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )

The streets are dark

and quiet in London

After midnight

Listen

But silence is the master

of darkness

And London can sleep tonight

protected by the master

London

London

You scream the largest

portion of the day

London

London

Rest your lungs

Tomorrow's on its way

Willie, what's going on?

Everything at once, man,

it's freaking me out.

They let you in here?

Yeah, I'm feeling it's a lot

easier to get in one of these...

places than it is to get

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