Lost in London Page #3

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Take two.

Honey, you have every right

to be angry.

I'm not angry. I am so

disappointed.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I was just... I, I mean,

I was terrified of losing you.

I don't know if just

being with me...

is ever gonna be enough

for you.

Honey, I promise you, this

will never happen again.

Never.

I don't wanna compel you to do

something...

that you don't want to do.

Why am I not enough for you?

Oh, honey, you are,

you are, honey.

No, no, do not touch me.

Stop apologizing. ry. I

Okay, okay.

Maybe... maybe we need some

time apart.

No.

Yeah.

No, no, honey.

I'm gonna get the kids...

...and I am gonna go.

No, we don't. No, honey.

Yes. Yes, we do. I am going.

Honey. Honey, no, no, no.

Woody! Get up.

Please, honey.

Honey, don't leave me.

Get up.

Please don't leave me. Please

don't leave me, honey.

Just listen to me. I can't be

near you right now.

I can't. I need some time

to think about this.

Okay, but I wanna come with

you and we can think together.

It's not about what you want.

Is it?

No.

Okay, okay, okay, look, I'll

go have one drink...

with the prince and then I'll

meet you back at the hotel.

One drink? Well, that will

be a first.

No, no, that's, that's a

hundred per cent guaranz.

I'll just, let's see, it's

10:
45 now.

I'll have one drink and I'll

meet you, er, at midnight.

Okay? Midnight.

Just get there when you

get there.

Midnight pumpkin,

midnight pumpkin.

What?

Oh, just a mnemonic device.

I just, I'm, I'm glad we're

gonna talk.

Just call the kids.

Can you spot me a couple of LBs?

Why do you need money?

You're going out with

the prince.

Daddy!

Oh, hey, kids.

Alright, I want you to

look after your mom.

Okay?

Can you do that?

And I'll see you later.

I thought you were coming

home with us.

Let's watch a movie.

Well, no, remember you guys

gotta get some rest tonight...

because you're gonna meet

Harry Potter in the morning.

Come home with us, Daddy.

I can't.

You won't!

I will, I'm just having

one drink.

You always say that.

I don't always say that.

Then why can't you have

a drink with us?

With you lightweights?

I mean, they're not gonna let

you in to a pub.

They give hot toddies

to toddlers here.

We can drink orange juice.

Well

Come on, Daddy, come on.

Okay, okay...

Hey, honey, I... please,

please let me come home.

You know what? Here.

Don't spend it all on one whore.

Hey.

Honey, Deni? You have

Here, Daddy, take this magic

feather.

Oh, is that a magic feather?

It came from a magic owl.

Oh, really?

Yes.

With this feather you can

talk directly to God...

and He'll grant you one wish.

Oh, can He make your mom love

me again?

You can't make everyone happy,

Daddy.

You aren't a box of puppies.

Huh, yeah, okay.

Well, thanks for the

feather, kid.

Don't stress or you'll lose

your kid juice, Daddy.

That is good advice.

Very good advice.

I love you.

One wish, Daddy.

Woody, are you ready?

I love you, honey.

Okay. Come.

( ENGINE STARTING )

Let's go.

Hey, hippie, gypsy mobile,

Scooby Doostyle.

Er, I didn't think it was

your best move...

to pop into a limo full of

scantily clad ladies right now.

Right.

Is everything okay, Mommy?

No.

( MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING )

Tight squeeze or what.

I'm Sayed.

Oh, hey, Woody.

Omar.

Hello.

Love Annie Hall.

You you all right?

Er, I'm a little glum.

Glum? Why are you glum?

Er, just me and the wifey

have, we're just...

we're in a little rut,

you know.

You been with her a while?

Yeah, since '87.

She's the best thing that

ever happened to me.

You know, I think being born...

was the best thing to

ever happen to you.

No, honestly, I wouldn't have

wanted to have been born...

if I hadn't met her.

I mean, she's made my

life great.

This is this is over

the magazine?

Yeah. I wonder if anybody

didn't see this?

No, everyone saw it.

Yeah, it's on every newsstand.

And even the people that

don't buy it, you know...

they see the picture,

the headline.

It's a good picture,

it's proper, sexy.

Oh, thanks.

Not you, the birds.

Why do you buy that filth?

'Cause you're on the bloody

front cover.

You're never on the front

cover of anything.

You think I wouldn't drop

40 pence for you?

Let's go on, boys.

What are you doing?

It's a hippie gypsy party.

Did you really shag

three birds at once?

Bruv, that is more fun than

I ever had.

Well of course, you just

got your own two paws...

to maul at your man clam.

Oh, shut up. Shut up.

He's got six helping hands.

Alright, we'll see tonight then.

Yeah, that's it...

Hey, hey, shut up.

Hey! Shut up!

Can't you see what the man

is going through?

[BOTH] Sorry.

[WOODY] You have very expressive

bodyguards.

Bodyguards? If a bullet were

to come...

they would shove me in

front, you know.

They're his sons, you daft

wanker.

Hey, hey, hey.

Oh.

Woody, I'm sorry for what

you're going through.

Yeah, man, this has rocked me

to my core, I gotta say.

You know, I used to be

very religious and...

I don't know, I guess I got

kind of sidetracked.

But, you know, I, I feel like...

I need to get more

spiritual, you know.

Like more meditation and yoga.

And all, all signs are

pointing the same direction.

Soul.

So listen to more Marvin

Gaye, then.

Ah, I see what you did there.

You've gotta laugh to keep

yourself from crying sometimes.

Smile though your heart

is breaking.

Yeah, force a smile, pop a

pill, eat a pizza.

Anything but feel it, right?

You need a drink?

Big time.

Well, I got just the thing

for you, baby girl.

I know exactly what

you're going through.

Their mother gives me no

end of torment.

Always moody.

I want to blow my brains

over her shoe closet.

Yeah, all right, Pops, wouldn't

that make her moodier?

She loves her shoes.

Fortunately, my other

wives are more cheerful.

More, er, youthful.

Yeah, d'you want one?

Sort you out nicely.

Yeah?

We got a spare one, actually.

It's, er, Miss Skegness 1995.

Hold on, b*obs or bum? Bruv.

D'you like b*obs or bum?

Skegness.

He's got one from

Uzbekistan. Pakistan.

Kazak... all the 'stans'.

Variety is the, the, the

spice of life.

Equal opportunities.

Equal opportunity, yes.

I like it.

Ooh, ooh, you have reached

your destination.

Please mind the gap.

Okay, boys, behave yourselves.

Okay?

Always, Pops.

I hope I fall into a bowl

of p*ssy soup tonight, boy.

Give me a second, eh.

Let me, er, go wave my magic

wand.

So where is your wife?

Oh, she's, er, she's probably

heading back to the hotel.

Oh.

Oh, she'll be fine.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm gonna meet

up with her later.

Yeah, that's later.

For now, you come with us

and have a few drinks, okay?

Well I told her I'd have

one drink.

One drink, that's all

I'm having.

So we have a drink,

dance, laugh.

Later, you go home, everything

will be okay.

You think so?

I know so.

I like your confidence.

What did you do wrong, eh?

Are you a man?

Well, yeah, I mean, yeah.

Every man deserves at

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