Lost in London Page #6

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as opposed to acting every scene

out for 'em...

like Norma frickin' Desmond.

Okay, take the bass out of your

voice when you're talking to me.

No, no, no, I'm sorry,

I shouldn't have bothered you.

Listen, I know you're going

through a divorce.

That's heartbreaking for you.

No, it's all right, it's jus

You gotta forgive this guy...

Wes Anderson movies go right

over his head.

[GIRL] Okay.

Let's shake it off.

No, no, dude, I get 'em fine.

The fact is, I just don't

care.

Oh, now all of a sudden

you don't like Wes.

You're like a pit bull tonight.

No, dude, it's not that.

It's just that he's just,

he's kind of, I don't know...

What?

Precious.

Precious?

Yeah.

No, he's not.

Precious.

His films, they're just, they're

kind of precious, really.

You know?

When you're talking about his

films, you know, I'm involved...

in some of those, so you're kind

of insulting me also.

No, dude, it has nothing

to do with you.

Yes, it does have something

It's just the way that he...

shoots 'em is a little,

you know...

Precious, I know, you

keep saying that.

No, it's like he's trying

too hard.

You know it's selfconscious,

you know what I mean?

I really don't feel like sitting

here and letting you insult...

my best friend Wes...

especially when I'm trying to

help you and trying to

Your best friend?

Yeah, Wes, my best friend.

I think it's kinda bad taste

'cause I'm...

Dude, what are you talking...

You, you've said for years and

you just said a few seconds...

ago that you're my

best friend.

Yeah, I'm your best friend.

But just because you're the

best man...

at somebody's wedding, doesn't

mean they're gonna be...

the best man at your wedding,

right?

Dude, dude, okay, I cannot

I can't even process this

right now.

But even if I could, why would

you say this to me now...

when I'm at my lowest point

and I most need uplift?

I'm sorry , but I am trying

to give you uplift.

But we were talking about

facing facts...

I mean we're not

in kindergarten.

So what if Wes is my

best friend?

Would you stop saying

that, dude?!

Hey, you need to snap out

of it and face reality...

okay, 'cause in the real

world...

I've known Wes a decade

longer than you.

He's a great filmmaker and

he's my best friend.

Now can we get back to

Oh, okay, real world, real

world? You want real world, O?

Huh?

That's where I try to live.

Okay, in the real world,

your best friend, Wes...

is a Woody Allen wannabe...

and he hasn't made a good

movie since 'Bottle Rocket'.

And, come to think of

it, neither have you.

That's a dumb line, you know...

that's a really, that's

a dumb thing to say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah... yeah.

Yeah. You know what?

I've never, er... hey...

Yeah, and you know what?

And here's the thing...

is I got a movie star chin...

and you got a weak,

little, chiaseed chin.

You ever noticed that? Huh?

You know, I've never told

you this...

but maybe now's a good time,

they offered me 'Larry Flynt'.

What? The Ed Norton part?

Er, no, your part.

No, dude, you couldn't play

that.

Oh, I couldn't? "Hey, look at

me, I'm Larry Flynt.

"I'm in a wheelchair.

You're out of order."

Hey, it's a lot more than

just being in a wheelchair.

The fact is it's, it's, it's

a love story.

Yeah, you know what I find

helps to sell a love story...

is having a little sex appeal...

which you haven't had

since the '80s.

I had it well into the

'90s, dude.

Oh, yeah, you were just oozing

sex appeal in 'Kingpin'.

You know Will Farrell

stole 'Wedding Crashers'.

Yeah, and he stole 'Semi Pro'...

but noone saw it probably

because you were in it.

You got out acted by a dog...

in 'Marley and Me'.

No, I didn't.

Oh, Marley, Marley, Marley.

You're... you're a child.

You're a punk.

You're a prick.

You're a dick.

It's like I always say, you're

the world's angriest hippy.

Hey, I'm not angry, a**hole.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is

that... he's got TVQ, mate.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Go on, bruv, go on.

Get him, get him. Go on.

Hey, hold on. This bloke,

he looks familiar.

I was just gonna say, don't

he look like that guy...

Er, hang on. Jennifer Lopez in

the jungle with the snake.

What's it called?

[OWEN] 'Anaconda'.

Yes! He's got the voice as well.

I love this guy.

Yeah, me too, mate.

[OWEN] Yeah, that's me.

Can we get a quick picture?

Is that alright?

I'd like to look a little

bit more presentable.

No, you look great. You look

fine. Come on. Here we go.

Feeling alright? Let's do that.

Alright, let's do this.

Alright? You ready?

Three... two, one.

Yes! Let's get him a drink.

Come on.

What's your Facebook?

Mojito, yeah?

With mint and cocktail sticks.

[MAN IN CROWD] Cops are here!

Hey, hey, in a little trouble,

wake up.

Look, Mommy, there's

an airplane up in the sky.

Come on. Okay, er, you'll have

to come with me, okay?

What, what what happened?

You were fighting, the police

are here.

Where, where, where's,

where's Owen?

Just go, just go. Okay?

Where is he? Oh, no.

I, I have to, I have go back,

I have to go...

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, cops are there.

Come on.

Oh, no, man. Oh, no.

Oh god.

What is it?

Are you okay?

I just got into a fight with...

I, I, I just

why are you helping me?

Because you looked like

you needed help.

I mean, do you always

help people?

Ah, people, birds, dogs,

yeah, that's me.

Okay, okay, okay, hurry up.

Go in there.

Oh my god, what is going

on tonight?

It's just like I'm being

tested or something.

What is going on?

Hey, don't cross your arms...

you're blocking your heart

chakra.

Oh... yeah.

Can I touch you?

Wh, where? What? Why?

Ssh.

Sshhh, sshhh.

Here you have a problem.

And here even bigger problem.

I believe you.

I need you to close your

eyes now.

Why?

Just trust me.

( SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE )

You can open your eyes now.

That was beautiful.

I know.

It says how all the gypsies

want jewelery and horses.

But how she's a gypsy and she

just needs love.

This is how you solve

your problem.

You need to find what you love.

( BANGING ON DOOR )

[PADDY]

Anyone in there? Police!

Oh.

Get up on the seat, come on.

( LOCK CLICKS )

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

[ZRINKA]

Sorry, this one's occupied.

Why can't I see your feet?

[ZRINKA]

Why are you looking?

What are you doing?

[ZRINKA] I am a Moroccan,

we squat on top of the toilet.

Okay, er, have you got someone

in there with you?

[ZRINKA]

No, I can pee on my own.

[ZRINKA]

Hey, bugger off, weirdo!

Excuse me, miss.

He's gone.

Okay, let's go.

Hey, promise me you'll

stop resisting.

Oh, I'm, I'm not resisting.

Hey, you are holding a lot

of fear, my friend.

Yeah, that's true.

Are you afraid of me?

A little.

Just breathe.

This is a weird place

to breathe.

Hey, breathe.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

I can't.

I'm going to help you now.

Take my breath.

Oh, god, I'm so sorry.

You threw up on me.

I am so, so, so sorry.

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