Lost in London Page #8

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Thank you so much.

You're a gentleman.

( SIRENS WAILING )

Stop there! Stop there!

Don't make me run.

Stop there now! Go, go, go.

[OFFICER]

Suspect is on the playground.

Spread out. He's in here

somewhere.

Come on down. Come on down,

we know you're up there.

How?

I can see you.

Don't. Don't!

Put your hands on your head.

Put your hands on your head.

This is over an ashtray.

Put your hands on your head now!

I can't. If I take my hands off

my knees, I'm gonna fall down.

You have the right to

remain silent.

Put your hands on your head!

Oi, he's a menace.

You don't have to say anything,

but it may harm your defense...

He's an absolute menace!

You're a menace!

He's a raving lunatic.

Lock him up.

Anything you do say may be

given in evidence.

You understand?

Yeah.

Are you who I think you are?

I hope not.

Were you in a fight with

Owen Wilson earlier?

Maybe.

Do you know what the cops

in the US would do to you...

for running like that? Yeah,

they would have shot ya.

And you'd be dead by now and the

world would be a better place.

You see what I'm dealing

with, man?

I think I do.

He kidnapped me. He wouldn't

stop the car.

You were the one running, sir.

[CABBIE] He's off his conkers,

mate. Hang him. Hang him!

You seem kinda young to be

doing this.

You're my first arrest.

Really? I'm flattered.

I'm not sure you mean it.

Listen, is, is it necessary

to go to the station?

I mean, is there any way I could

just pay a fine or something?

Are you offering me a bribe?

No.

Then you're going to

the station.

Oh, that's good, you got me.

You Irish?

Through and through.

Oh, you know, I spent a month

in Galway one time.

I drank a lorry load

of Guinness.

I love Guinness.

Well, my wife says I love it

too much.

Oh, ah, married, huh? Kids?

Son. Seven year old.

Oh, must have had him

in high school.

I did actually, yeah.

What, you did the right

thing, got married?

Yeah... did the right thing,

yeah.

Isn't that life's great mission?

Were you at the birth?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Oh, man, the greatest feeling

in the world. I had home births.

You?

Er, hospital.

She had a difficult pregnancy.

Oh, the kid's okay?

Yeah, yeah. He's, er, er...

That'll be us nearly there now.

Won't be long.

Oh, dude, I'm sorry to pry.

No, no, he's, er, he's just

special. He's got special needs.

Well you must love him all

the more.

I do. I do, he's incredible.

It must be tough sometimes.

Yeah. Yeah, it can be.

I mean I don't know why

I worry...

he's as happy as can be,

you know.

It's just he's so pure,

you know...

and the world can be a little

bit, er... um...

Oh, hey, um, I'm, I'm

sorry, man.

No, it's alright, man.

I'm a fixer, I wanna fix

everyone's problems. Stupid.

Well, you... my kids are

six and nine.

We should, I mean we should

get 'em together sometime.

Really?

Yeah.

You, er, they could use

a playmate.

What's your name?

I'm Constable Hughes.

Yeah, so, er, you, you

like Bono?

Just because I'm Irish,

I'm supposed to like him?

No.

I love him.

Oh, you got me again.

Well, I mean, what you put

your energy into...

tells me all I need to know

about you.

Bono could do anything

he wants...

in a world full of suffering

people.

He just tries to help on

a massive scale.

I quite admire that in the man.

I think he's a poet.

And, yeah, I'm damn proud

he's Irish.

You wanna talk with him?

You what?

Talk with Bono?

Talk with Bono now?

Yeah, right now. Right now.

What like you could just

call him?

Yeah. Yeah, just, er, grab

my Blackberry.

It's right there in my pocket.

It's right there.

Okay.

Yeah, just grab it and he's

he's he's under 'B'.

Oh, 'B' like 'buzzing'?

Er, 'B' like after 'A'.

All right, here we go...

it's a 343 number.

Yeah, yeah, Ireland.

All right, here we go,

Bono on speaker phone.

( CALL RINGING )

ALI (OVER PHONE)

Hello?

Ali, how you doing? It's Wood.

Woody, great to hear from you.

You're not back in Dublin,

are you?

No, no, no, I'm in London.

Well you certainly made a big

impression on your last trip.

What d'you mean?

You told Bono smoking pot

would fix his glaucoma.

Now the tour has been put off,

the album's been put back...

and he tells anyone who listens

the Irish invented Reggae.

I hope you're happy.

Hold on.

BONO ( OVER PHONE)

Irie man... good vibrations...

all across the nation.

What's up with man?

Oh, hey, hey, buddy.

You know you gotta be a little

bit cautious with that medicine.

It's very strong.

Um, but listen, I, I got a,

a friend here, you know...

er, who wants to say hi,

a fellow Irishman.

Hello, this is Paddy

Hughes speaking.

BONO (OVER PHONE) Any friend

of Woody be a friend of mine.

He's not me friend.

All brethren are friends,

Paddy Hughes...

for the kiss of the serpent

is like sugar...

in comparison to the heart

of a friendless man.

Yeah, okay. Er, but he's broken

the law, Bono.

BONO (OVER PHONE)

Are you his cell mate?

More like his jailer. Listen,

sir, I really respect you.

I've always wanted to meet you.

I think you're just brilliant.

BONO (OVER PHONE)

Jah, bless you, sir.

I mean I loved your first

album and your second album.

Just absolutely the best.

But...

BONO (OVER PHONE) But?

No buts.

Well, I've just...

BONO (OVER PHONE)

Yeah?

Well, I mean after 'October'...

it feels like you just kinda

sold out a bit.

BONO (OVER PHONE) Sold out?

No, dude.

Yeah, it's like you've kinda

let yourself down.

No, er, Bono, Constable Hughes

is a big fan of yours and, and

I mean I quite like Larry.

I mean he's the business.

Tune me into your

thinking there, Wood.

No, I, I just thought that

it'd be good...

for you guys to talk, you know.

I don't, I don't think Larry

would let fame...

get to his head as such,

you know.

BONO (OVER PHONE) Rasta can't

deal with Babylon right now.

Okay?

Hey, er, Bono, I think that

you guys could be...

very, very good friends,

I really do. Bono?

I think he's hung up.

Why did you tell him he

sold out?

Well someone had to tell him.

Well, I mean, but what happened

to all the good stuff...

he does for mankind?

And, then like you know

he's a poet.

Well, he needed to be told.

He needed to be told.

Well, alright, it's good

that you met.

Listen, dude, is there anyway

you could give me a break here?

I mean, just let me loose.

You ask for this favor...

a little quick off the heels

of making nice. Let's go, sir.

Okay, but... listen, my kids...

they're going to Leavesden

Studios in the morning...

because they're going to the

HaHarry Potter set.

And it's the last day of filming

and we have to be there by 7:30.

Yeah, let's get you in there.

Oh, okay but I mean...

Can I call my wife?

I, I gotta, I told her I'd be

home by midnight and...

er, what, what time can I

be released?

Well, that depends.

On what?

On whether you need to see

the magistrate.

When's the magistrate?

Let's go.

You like Paul McCartney?

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