Love, Simon Page #3

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How'd you enjoy

being unplugged?

It was great.

- Great, right?

- Yeah.

This isn't life, man.

This is plugged.

- This is unplugged.

- Mm-hmm.

Plugged. Unplugged.

All right, Simon, I know that

I'm hard on you. I really do.

SIMON:
Mm-hmm.

But it's only 'cause I really

see myself in you.

Uh... You know, I don't know

if I'd say that.

No, I see it, it's obvious.

It's obvious.

I know there's a lot

- going on there, man.

- Yup.

And I bet you got

a lot of questions.

Is there something

you wanna say to me?

No.

You know my policy.

What does it say?

- "Open door. Open ears."

- "Open door. Open ears."

There's nothing

you want to say?

- Nope.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- It's a great sign though.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

Now don't text and drive.

That's how my cat

got murdered.

- Okay.

- (laughs)

I'm just kidding.

I don't have cats. I got asthma.

(sighs)

BLUE:
A secret, huh?

Is it the same as my secret?

If it is, when did you know?

- Have you told anyone? Blue.

- (horn honking)

Okay.

SIMON:
No, Blue.

I haven't told anyone.

And, honestly, I can't even

really explain why.

Deep down, I know my family

would be fine with it.

Hey, what rhymes

with "patriarchy"?

That says "patriachy" though.

Oh, sh*t.

SIMON:
My mom's about

as liberal as they come.

And my dad isn't exactly

the macho type.

I mean, Creekwood's resident

out-gay kid

seems to be doing just fine.

When Ethan came out,

no one even cared.

Guys, I have something

to tell you.

I'm gay.

Wow, really?

That's really great, Ethan.

Oh, my God. No way.

Oh, my God, you are?

I had no idea.

What a complete surprise!

Too much, Claire.

SIMON:
As for how I knew

I was gay,

it was a bunch of

little things.

Like this one recurring dream

I kept having

about Daniel Radcliffe.

And then proceeded to have

every night for a month.

I was obsessed

with Panic! at the Disco.

I can't. He's so cute.

He's so cute.

(clears throat)

Come on,

he's like Jesus and chocolate.

Just look at him.

SIMON:
Then I realized

it really wasn't

about the music.

And then there was

my first girlfriend.

I think I'm falling

in love with you.

Wow. Thank you. Be right back.

Wasn't my proudest moment.

How 'bout you?

How did you know?

Warmly, Jacques.

Fondly, Jacques.

Jacques.

(cell phone chimes)

BLUE:
Jacques, don't worry.

If your proudest moment

happened in middle school,

that would be pretty sad.

For me, I realized I liked guys

watching Game of Thrones.

My friends were all

holding their breath

waiting to see

the Dragon Princess's b*obs.

I was crushing hard

on Jon Snow.

SIMON:
Well,

I've never told anyone

about my Daniel Radcliffe phase

so now we're even.

And for the record,

I think Jon Snow

is an excellent choice

for your sexual awakening.

So I guess, if I want

to find you at school

I just have to look for

the Game of Thrones fanatic.

Wow.

I was just listening to that

M83 song "Reunion,"

and it made me think of you.

BLUE:
You'll probably think

my music taste is lame.

Kind of have the same taste

as my Aunt Sally

who loves show tunes.

Obviously, some of the things

I've told you about myself

are things I've never

talked about with anyone.

There's something about you

that makes me want to open up.

And that's

slightly terrifying for me.

SIMON:
So I've been thinking,

maybe I should be Jon Snow

for Halloween.

What about you?

Who are you gonna be?

BLUE:
I'm not dressing up.

For me,

Halloween's all about

the Oreos

with the orange frosting

in the middle.

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Hey.

Wow. Look at that smile.

You're glowing, man.

No.

You are glowing.

You look happy.

Oh, just regular.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

Me too. I'm a little meh.

Why "meh"?

Oh, I had my big Tinder date

last night. Oh, God.

She was not into it.

(chuckles)

At. All.

(bell ringing)

- Oh, come on. Too soon.

- No.

The bell is a buzzkill.

- See you, Mr. Worth.

- All right.

(Simon sighs)

Well, thank you

for your help, Frulein.

You're welcome.

German accent for Cabaret.

Yup. Take care, Ms. Bradley.

Ladies.

Let's see what you got,

interwebs.

LEAH:
Here are

your burnt tots,

because you have

horrible taste.

SIMON:
Here's your

green banana,

because you like

disgusting things.

Wow, you guys are weird.

Yup. They're practically

Cantonese twins.

- Siamese.

- Yeah. Siamese.

Yeah, agree to disagree.

I don't think

that's one of those things

where you can

agree to disagree.

- ...disagree.

- It's just right.

NICK:
To each his own.

BRAM:
Oreos.

Man, I love those.

Halloween ones

are the best, right?

Yeah.

Er, so, guys, I have great news.

My aunt's boyfriend

just took off

with her car

and all her jewelry.

Bram, that's terrible news!

I know, but it's like,

the third time

it's happened to her.

She has really bad taste in men.

Anyways, my mom is going down

to Orlando to deal with it

which means I get to throw

a Halloween party.

- Awesome!

- Yay!

Nice!

Thank you,

Bram's dumb-ass aunt!

All right, this is

gonna be epic, you guys.

I can bring

my karaoke machine.

All right, hey, guys,

Halloween party Friday night!

Friday night, Halloween party,

okay? Bram's house!

You really set this

in motion, man.

I know, right?

- Hey, little guy.

- Me?

Halloween party. Friday night.

Bram's house. Be there.

You're gonna

freak him out, man.

GARRETT:
Yeah.

LEAH:
I know.

He's, like, nine years old.

BLUE:
Very relieved that

we're in agreement on Oreos.

That would have been

a deal-breaker for me.

On a totally different,

non-cookie related note...

is it weird that I have no idea

what you look like,

but I can't stop thinking

about kissing you.

TEACHER:
Simon. Simon.

Eyes on your own test.

Don't stop on my account,

Rob and Brianne.

That's the most action

I've seen in weeks.

What do we got here? Ah!

When we're done,

it's gonna look

like a real German sex club.

Don't ask me how I know.

Hey! Hey! The spray paint

is for painting,

not for huffing.

You don't want

to get good at that.

Okay, do you guys think

I should dye my hair grey

- to play Frulein Schneider?

- Sure.

TAYLOR:
Really? But my hair

is kind of like my thing.

I'm gonna go get a soda.

Do you want anything?

No.

MS. ALBRIGHT:
You disgust me.

Simon! Hey, hey, hey.

- Hey, Martin.

- Buddy.

Hey, um, I used the computer

in the library right after you.

- Okay.

- Mm-hmm.

Well, I went to Gmail,

and it pulled up your account.

And I, uh, read

some of your emails.

I know

I probably shouldn't've,

but they were, like,

right there. (chuckles)

So you'll be interested

to know my brother's gay.

No. Martin, that wouldn't

interest me to know.

Okay. Don't worry.

I won't show anyone.

Show anyone what?

Did you print my emails

or something?

Oh, no, no. (chuckles)

I screenshot them.

- You screenshotted my emails?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Let me talk to you for a second.

- Oh, Ms. Bradley.

- MS. BRADLEY:
Hello, Martin.

- Did you feather your hair?

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