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Love, Simon Page #5
of your drink,
I'll be
your designated bartender.
So don't worry.
Okay. Hey, Chloe, come here!
Yo, yo, yo!
Hey. John Lennon?
- Yeah. You got it.
- Nice.
And, um, Nick...
- You're Nick.
- No. No. I'm Ronaldo.
- Oh. My bad.
- Obviously.
Who are you supposed to be?
Oh. Uh... I am post-presidency
Barack Obama.
So I'm just chillin' in
Hawaii, drinking Mai Tais,
writing memoirs and hoping
Trump doesn't destroy
my legacy.
- (both chuckle)
- That's awesome.
Thanks. Now let's go
to the bar. Come on.
BOTH:
Yeah.Hell yeah.
(rapping) My name is
My sign is
- No, Garrett, no.
- My number is
You need to let it go
Need to let it go
Need to let it go
Nah to the ah
to the no, no, no...
Whatchu gonna say?
All right, we should
have a little toast.
No, thanks. I'm driving.
And Simon doesn't
really drink.
No, I drink. It's cool. I drink.
- All right, that's my man.
- NICK:
Really?You wouldn't even have a glass
of Manischewitz
at Leah's Seder.
It's Halloween, man.
It's a special occasion.
True that.
BOTH:
Cheers.(gagging)
- You okay?
- (coughing)
(dance music playing)
You're good at this.
You got this.
Abby is the hottest
Wonder Woman I have ever seen.
SIMON:
Yeah.The sh*t that I would let her
do to me with that lasso.
Oh, I know, man.
Just, like, tie me up
with that thing.
You're not into Abby, are you?
No, no, no.
I mean, it's not like I...
She's cute...
Yeah.
...but she's just not really
my type.
Not because she's black.
I love black women.
Not like, you know, I have
I just love all women.
- Oh, oh. Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh, hey.
- Hey! Oh, hey.
Hey. Mm.
- I'm gonna go ask her out.
- What? No.
- No? No?
- No.
- You can't ask Abby out.
- Why not?
Because. She didn't tell you
about Jonathan?
She didn't tell you about that?
- No.
- He's older.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- In college.
He's really experienced.
You know I've only had sex
once, right?
I know that.
You know,
it's like no one tells you
how dark everything is
and how slippery everything
gets, and, you know,
the parts you think
are the right parts
are actually
All right, I'm gonna go eat
my feelings away.
Man, I'm sorry...
NICK:
No, it's okay.Whoa, whoa.
- BRAM:
Hey, Simon!- Hey.
Hey, you wanna play Beirut?
Yeah. Sure.
We just need two more people.
How about you and me,
and then, um...
I insist.
Abby and Martin?
- BRAM:
Okay, cool.- SIMON:
Hey, Martin.- MARTIN:
Yeah.- SIMON:
Abby.Let's play Beirut.
- No, I don't...
- Yeah. Let's do it.
Come on, let's go.
It'll be fun. It'll be fun.
Good old competition.
(chuckles)
- Ready?
- Yeah, I'm ready.
Beirut. Right?
- Yes!
- (sighs)
Okay. Have you ever played
Beirut before?
Uh, totally. Yeah.
Great. All right, so,
two reracks, no blowing
and two balls in the cup means
that you have to
take three, okay?
Okay. Cool.
I thought we were talking
about a different game.
We'll just explain
as we go. Okay?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Got it.
SIMON:
Ready?- Maybe you should take these...
- Oh.
- You'll see better. Right?
- Good idea. Yeah.
- All you.
- Raindrop!
MARTIN:
Here we go, all right.You got this one.
Oh, is that...
This is mine to drink?
God.
Oh!
All right.
ALL:
Chug! Chug! Chug!(imitates explosion)
Do we need a handshake?
Is that...
You get one of these in
and we can totally have
a handshake.
Fly it away. Fly it away.
Chug, chug, chug.
- MARTIN:
Sweet!- All right.
(belches)
As long as you love me
We could be starving
We could be homeless
We could be loved
As long as you love me
(all cheering)
Why can't I get
Just one screw
Baby, I know what to do
But something won't let me
Make love to you
Day after day
I get angry and I will say
Hey, Bram. It's me, Jacques.
Hey, Bram. I'm Jacques.
Hey, Barack. It's me, Jacques.
(sighs) Why did I pick Jacques?
BOY:
Yeah, no problem.(girls laughing)
("Monster Mash" playing)
Oh.
I'm sorry, I thought
this was the bathroom.
Sorry.
- I'm starting to get so tired!
- I am so tired.
Hey, Martin, not now, man.
All right?
I've had a big night.
Oh!
Really? Really?
(groans) I'm sorry.
- Come on!
- (Martin coughing)
- LEAH:
What are you doing?- I don't know.
(Leah sighs)
Willkommen
- Are you serious?
- Bienvenue
Welcome...
Whoa. Careful.
Okay, come on.
We gotta get you home.
- Look, we're so close!
- Oh, my God!
Wait, what?
- Dude, my parents are still up.
- Oh, God.
- Oh...
- Okay, you know what... Come on.
I need you to think of
something really sad...
Uh-huh.
Like, the documentary
about how all the whales
hate living at SeaWorld.
Too sad!
God. Okay, then just,
you know what,
don't say anything at all...
And we'll ditch the barf shirt
till tomorrow.
SIMON:
Okay.- LEAH:
Si?- SIMON:
Yeah.LEAH:
Just as littleas possible,
say as little as possible.
(door creaks)
EMILY:
So how does that work?I know, I remember
when I went to...
Hey, guys!
- Hey!
- Hey!
- Come talk to us.
- Hey!
- How was the party?
- It was really fun.
- Was it?
- Yeah.
Aces.
BOTH:
Huh. (chuckling)Uh, well. Thanks for
letting me stay over.
- JACK:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.- EMILY:
Yeah.You've been
staying over 10 years.
You don't have to thank us.
Oh. Yeah, thanks.
(whispers) Stop. Shh!
John Lennon was wearing
a woman's sweater.
- Mm.
- And he's drunk.
- Definitely.
- So how do we feel about that?
Well, he didn't drive drunk,
and he's home
before curfew, so...
Good. That's what I thought
we thought.
Yeah, that's what
we think, right?
- Yeah. We're good parents.
- Yeah, we're good parents.
Right?
(slow music playing)
The room stopped spinning.
Do you ever feel weird?
- Weird?
- Yeah.
Sometimes I feel like
I'm always on the outside.
What do you mean?
Like tonight, you know...
I was at that party,
and it was fun, but...
it kinda felt like
I was watching it
from across the room.
I don't know,
there's this invisible line
that I have to cross
to really be a part
of everything
and I just,
I can't ever cross it.
I feel that way
sometimes, too.
Not tonight you didn't.
Yeah, I was trying something.
Yeah, sometimes I think
it'd be so much easier
can just take a few shots
and then hook up
with whoever's closest.
Yeah, I guess I'm just unlucky.
Unlucky?
Why?
Because I'm not
a casual person.
What kind of person are you?
I think I'm the kind of person
who is destined
to care so much
about one person,
Me too.
It's getting late.
Si?
Yeah?
Good night.
Good night.
(slow music continues playing)
SIMON:
Dear Blue,so one of my friends
likes the other,
and he has no idea.
I guess we all have secrets.
Anyway, I've been
thinking about
why I haven't come out yet.
Maybe it's because
it doesn't seem fair
that only gay people
have to come out.
Why is straight the default?
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"Love, Simon" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/love,_simon_12979>.
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