Love And Other Drugs Page #6

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I think you did.

And what would I have said

if I had called you?

That you want to see me?

Well, that would be nice,

except I didn't call you.

Do you want to see me?

I'm hanging up now.

No. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Don't hang up. Don't hang up.

Why?

I like hearing the sound of your voice.

Bye, Randall.

Maggie!

You like hearing the sound of her voice?

Shut up.

Do you have a brain tumor?

Were you molested by a Care Bear?

Were you abducted by aliens?

You hate women.

Why else would you

screw so many of them?

It's time for you to overdose.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, she rejected you!

That's why you want her.

It's the first time in history

that's ever happened.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

I was wondering something.

Aren't you rich?

Why are you sleeping on my couch?

You're my big brother.

Here.

For people who never entered puberty.

Take six.

All right.

- You all right?

- Can I pay by check?

Sam, remember I told you

that the pharmacies only take cash?

Maggie! Mag!

Um... But, listen,

why don't you just get on the bus,

we'll work it out there.

Okay? All right. Good.

Maggie, I want to talk to you.

I can't talk right now, all right?

- I'm getting on a bus to Canada.

- Canada?

Yes. Yes, Canada.

These people can't afford

to pay for their prescriptions here.

Maggie, will we have bathroom breaks?

Sophie, remember I told you

that there's a bathroom on the bus?

- Okay.

- Okay. Let's go.

- Okay. When do you get back?

- Never.

- Tomorrow night, late.

- How late?

Just forget about it, okay? Please?

I'm begging you.

Why don't you take a pen?

I'll send you a pamphlet

and an efficacy statement, okay?

What time is it, do you know?

Wow. Okay, I got to go.

I'll give you a call, okay?

We've come a long, long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you, baby

I have to praise you like I should

...know.

Know how to handle large sums of money

with harmony and with love,

and that the truth is

that you have high ideals,

and that you are a person

of great personal integrity,

and you will keep your mind focused

upon financial prosperity.

Looks like you got

all your stuff, right? Okay. Good.

- You guys travel home safe.

- Thank you, sweetheart.

- Bye-bye.

- Bye.

- Bye, Maggie!

- Bye.

Hi.

When you end it, I get to hate you,

and act all cold,

and tell embarrassing stuff to my friends.

Okay.

And you don't get to move in,

or become friends with my friends,

or introduce me to your parents.

This is what this is, whatever this is.

Are you done?

Have you been here all night?

Yes.

Oh, Christ!

Why am I mad at you already?

Oh, Jamie. It's Brucie.

You want to meet me?

I've got a load of love in my trunk for you.

Something you're going to like.

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.

Call me, call me, call me.

You're gonna love me, love me...

Ah!

Jamie, it's Bruce. Where are you?

Who are you?

Let the games begin!

Make it hot! Make it hot!

Ooh, baby, do you know

what that's worth?

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

Men with diabetes,

men with prostate cancer,

men with massive penile injuries.

Men with performance anxiety,

men with any common form of impotence

or sexual dysfunction.

Men without a useful erection in years!

Boing!

Minimum side effects, long-term safety.

This isn't a pill.

This is a revolution. Questions?

Yeah. Where are the samples?

Right here, baby. Right here.

You sure you want one? You want two?

Who wants two?

Did you see this? Bob Dole says

his TV commercials for Viagra

won't hurt his wife's campaign

for President.

He also says the Viagra commercials

won't hurt his campaign

to nail Heather Locklear.

The dick drug! That's my brother's!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Viagra, the little pill that has started

a gold rush for its manufacturer,

the drug giant Pfizer.

Jamie! Jamie! Hey!

- Ted Goldstein, ENT.

- Oh, Ted, hi. How are you?

I'm good. Look, I got this friend,

he's a radiologist.

He has a little problem. I thought maybe...

Say no more.

You're a gem.

Viagra is the first-ever pill

to treat impotence.

It's easy, it's effective,

and it's now wildly in demand.

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

Oncologists are writing it,

shrinks are writing it,

gastroenterologists are writing it.

Pediatricians are writing it for themselves!

I mean, pharmacies could

stay open 24 hours

and they still couldn't meet the demand.

We're running 1,200 prescriptions a month.

That's more than my entire year's quota!

And you don't care.

About a bunch of old guys

with stiffies? Nope.

How can you be so callous?

Men are suffering worldwide

from shame and...

And frustration.

Oh, you're my little blue pill.

Oh, for God's sake.

No. What about this do you think is okay?

What are you...

I don't want to see this! No.

What the f*** are you doing?

- No, no, no! This is too much information.

- I just need this.

Are you f***ing filming it?

Do you do, like, close-ups and sh*t?

Who holds it?

Hey.

Wake up.

Oh!

Again?

Maggie!

Come on. I'm an artist. This is work.

Oh, my God.

Say something.

You're just too weird.

Yeah, well...

Hi, there. Jamie Randall here.

Just reporting from bed,

having just f***ed my girlfriend.

- And...

- Don't use that word.

What? You use "f***" all the time.

No, not "f***ing. " "Girlfriend. "

That's what you are.

I am?

Yeah, you are.

I guess I am.

Jesus.

I lived in a place called Okfuskee

And I had a little girl in a holler tree

I said, "Little girl it's plain to see

"Ain't nobody that can sing like me

"Ain't nobody that can sing like me "

She said it's hard for me to see

How one little boy got so ugly

Yes, my little girly that might be

But there ain't nobody

that can sing like me

Ain't nobody that can sing like me

Way over yonder in the minor key

Way over yonder in the minor key

No, Mom.

No, it's not an aphrodisiac.

It's a vasodilator.

A vasodilator. No, Ma...

No, just... No, I...

Yeah, I've already sold

It's a lot of money.

Okay, I really can't talk.

Maggie needs me.

Okay, bye.

I thought you said

it was 1,200 prescriptions.

It is.

Well, why did you tell her 2,000?

Did I?

Are you kidding?

I don't know, it just sounded better.

You told your mother a lie

because it sounds better?

Look, she doesn't know numbers.

Do you tell me lies

because they sound better?

No!

Well, why did you do it with her?

Because she wants to

know that I'm doing well...

Okay, but you are doing well,

so why do you need

to make it sound better?

Okay, you know what?

I will call her back up right now,

and I will correct my mistake.

Okay?

Tell me four good things about yourself.

Excuse me?

You heard me.

Okay.

Four good things about myself.

I can...

Why are we doing this?

This is just... I don't...

You can't even think

of four good things about yourself.

What? I totally can!

Do you think that you're generous?

Do you think you're sweet?

Not particularly.

Do you think that you're smart?

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