Love Crazy Page #5

Oh, don't bother to explain.

First, I want to know what you were doing

out with the chamber of commerce, here?

Well, I think I'd better tell him what...

I came down here...

Everything that's happened is your fault,

Steve Ireland!

- Well, what's going on here?

- Hello, darling.

- Did you finish your picture?

- You keep quiet. I'll attend to you later.

Well, now,

Mrs. Ireland, if you'll pardon me...

Oh, are you Mrs. Ireland?

Well, I've been waiting for you

up in my studio for the last 20 minutes.

Another one?

What were you doing, dear,

canvassing the building?

- Well, I must say.

- Will you keep quiet?

You mean you were upstairs?

You weren't in there?

- You know where I was. You phoned me.

- Oh, you phoned him?

Oh, if you'll excuse me,

I think I'll go to my own apartment.

And there I was sitting in my studio

waiting for you.

Look, I know what!

Let's all room together, all through school.

- Oh, excuse me.

- You come with me!

Susan!

- Did you say something, dear?

- No, I didn't say anything.

Oh, I thought you did.

Steve.

Am I what you'd call a jealous type?

Jealous? You?

Why, you haven't an atom

of jealousy in you, not a bit.

That's one of your great virtues.

Then why do I want to chop your head off?

Well, I don't know.

Maybe you think I'd look better without it.

Maybe I would.

Maybe I'd like to keep it

from telling me what happened tonight.

Oh, now, honey, it's not that bad.

Look, you wouldn't mind

hearing about it at all.

Don't tell me, Steve, not if it's a lie.

I couldn't forgive you that.

I know what you must be thinking.

- You see, I've got to tell you.

- Something tells me you'd better not.

Honey-pot, all that happened

was that Isobel called,

then I called a cab

and slipped downstairs to meet her.

Please! Please, don't!

But, honey,

it's all as innocent as Christmas.

We went out for a drink,

sat and chewed the fat for a while,

and then came home.

Now, you know all the rest.

All right, don't say any more.

- I believe you.

- Well, of course. Now, that's my girl.

I know whatever else happened,

you wouldn't lie to me.

Well, not on our anniversary.

Next year,

we're gonna have to walk eight miles.

And besides,

I'll have to row you for two hours.

There's only five minutes

of this anniversary left.

Don't you worry, honey-face,

we're gonna have a million anniversaries.

Honey?

- Yes, darling?

Just one little question.

What was that guy doing

in his undershirt?

He has to have his torso free

when he shoots his bow and arrow.

What kind of an answer's that?

He's the world's

champion bow-and-arrower.

Okay. You believed me. I'll believe you.

I'll get it.

Hello? No, this is Mrs. Ireland.

What taxicab?

Well, who ordered it?

What time?

Now, lookie here, lady.

Mr. Ireland ordered a cab at 8:30,

and he ain't come out of the building.

Does he still want me to wait?

No, but I do.

That's right. Wait.

What was it?

The end of the world.

Why, what do you mean? Who was it?

A taxi driver.

A taxi driver?

What was he doing, drumming up trade?

So you were down in Isobel's apartment

all evening?

Oh, Susan, darling.

Lawyers ought to be on call

in emergencies, like doctors.

- Oh, please don't cry, dear.

- I'm not crying.

And if I am crying,

it's because I think that 12:00 at night

is a pretty rotten time

to start my life over again.

Honey, dear. Honey, darling.

Oh, honey, listen.

Now whom are you going to believe,

me or some taxi driver

that you've never even seen?

They told me Mrs. Ireland was here.

Yes, Mr. Ireland.

She's with Mr. Renny now.

Susan.

Susan, where did you go?

I've looked all over town for you.

- I haven't wept a slink.

- Really?

- Was it anything important?

- Important? I just told you I couldn't sleep.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Steve.

You should've taken a pill.

Oh, Susan, I realize that things look bad.

I mean, it must look to you as though I...

Say, wait a minute,

what are you doing here?

I'm arranging with George

to get a divorce.

Well, yes, but George is my lawyer.

My personal lawyer

and my business lawyer.

Now, look here, George,

if you help Susan divorce me,

you'll lose my business

and my business' business.

As a matter of fact, Steve,

I was just about to tell Susan

I think she's being a little hasty.

Well, then what are you waiting for?

Go ahead and tell her.

- Susan, I think you're being a little hasty.

- Hastier than you think.

I want you to file the papers

and get going on things today.

Today? Isn't that a little soon?

Unless you happen to think

it's four years too late.

Well, I don't know quite what to say.

Say? Why, there's everything in the world

to say.

Say that a divorce is something

that you never stop regretting.

Let her know

how many lives are wrecked by it.

Tell her that marriage

is too important a thing

to be broken up by a trifle.

Susan, marriage is too important a thing

to be broken up by a trifle.

Have you any idea where I might find

a lawyer with a mind of his own?

Oh, Susan, darling, be reasonable.

Why do you come to a lawyer

if you don't want to take his advice?

I usually shop around

until I find exactly the brand of advice

I'm looking for.

Where shall I look next, George?

Well, you might try Mulvaney,

Mulvaney, Mulvaney and DeWest.

- DeWest is very clever.

- Thank you.

Oh, Susan, stop.

Oh, but, Susan, Susan, please don't go,

I've got to talk to you.

All right, go ahead and talk.

Well, Susan, all I want to say

is that circumstantial evidence,

that's it, circumstantial evidence,

that's what you're convicting me on.

Possibly. But it was quite conclusive.

Yes, but darling,

circumstantial evidence is unfair.

It... It doesn't take everything

into account.

Oh, Susan, I don't love anyone in the world

but you.

I'm sorry, Steve, but I'll never again

believe anything you say.

Tough luck, Steve.

You should have been more careful.

George.

I can't let her divorce me.

We've got to find some way to stop her.

No can do, if she takes it to court.

Then my only chance

is to talk her out of it.

And I could do it, too,

if I just had a little time.

You didn't seem to make much headway

just now.

No, but Susan never stays angry long.

Couldn't we keep her out of court

just long enough for her to cool down?

Well, won't two months be long enough?

For that's how long it'll take to get

this case on the calendar.

Oh, well, why didn't you say so?

Two months!

Oh, say, in two months

I can talk Susan into anything. Yes, sir.

In two months from now,

we'll be looking back on this episode

and laughing ourselves sick.

Sure.

Phew!

- Say, you haven't a little snifter, have you?

- Can do.

Pardon me, sir.

Senator Monrose is here

to discuss the Morton contract.

You know,

a person can't just disappear like smoke.

Shall I show the senator in?

She's got to be somewhere.

Look, I'll be back in an hour.

But your appointments, Mr. Ireland.

What'll I tell them?

Now, don't worry anymore, Mr. Ireland.

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