Love Crazy Page #6

We'll find her, wherever she is.

We have operators in every city.

Yes, but what if she's left the country?

She may be on a boat.

We'll still find her.

She'll have to land sometime,

and our connections extend

all over the world.

Put in calls to all our branch offices.

This is Jenifer in Miami. No sign of her yet.

Lake Placid office.

Nothing doing on Mrs. Ireland.

San Francisco office. Nothing yet.

We've checked all boats,

planes and hotels.

No reservations in that name.

- Not in Cleveland.

- Not in Detroit.

- Not in Cincinnati.

- Not in Philadelphia.

- Not in Tijuana.

- Not in Palm Springs.

- Not in Sun Valley.

- Not in Reno.

Hello?

Oh, hello, George.

What are you doing?

Oh, just sitting here, stewing.

Haven't heard a word.

Say, look, do you think she's really going

to show up in court tomorrow morning?

She got back in town today.

She's here now at the Bristols' party.

She's here? At the Bristols'?

Well, hurry up! No, I mean, hang up!

I mean I... I'll be right over!

Yes, sir. Who shall I announce?

Oh, yes, please.

Steve Ireland!

Oh, good evening, Mrs. Bristol.

Lovely party.

I suppose you know

I wasn't expecting you.

Oh, I hope you'll forgive

my barging in this way, but...

I'm sorry. It's most untimely.

After all, poor Susan

has suffered enough humiliation.

I only wanted to see her for a moment.

Just long enough...

Under the circumstances,

I think it's most unwise.

- Hello, Steve!

- Oh, hello, George. Good old George.

I was just telling Mr. Ireland that I...

- Mrs. Bristol, this is our dance.

- Our dance?

Yes, don't you remember?

I've looked all over for you on the terrace.

I'm not quite divorced and besides...

Hello, Susan.

Hello, Steve.

Oh, I... I didn't mean to interrupt,

but could I speak to you alone

for a minute?

Of course.

- Will you pardon me?

Certainly.

- Of course.

- Of course.

...while the novice is inclined

to use the wrong side of the bow.

Excuse me.

May I see you a moment, Ward?

- Mrs. Cooper, our dance!

- But... But Ward...

I've been looking everywhere

for you. Goodbye.

Well!

Isn't it unlucky for the groom to see

the bride the night before the divorce?

For two months I've been planning

what I'd say to you,

and now all I can think of is, I feel awful.

Do you, Steve? I rather hoped you would.

Well, you got your hope and a dividend.

I don't think even your mother

would want me to feel this way.

That's interesting. Go on, dear.

Tell me exactly how you feel.

Well, I can't sleep,

and when I try to eat, I can't,

because I've got a great,

big, cold cannonball right here

in the pit of my stomach.

And isn't your chest, sort of, full of sighs

that you hope you can use up

but find that you can't

because there's always another one?

Yes. That's it.

- That's good.

- What's good about it?

Oh, Susan,

why do you want me to be this miserable?

Because I don't want to be the only one.

Susan!

It's only natural.

- I expected to feel badly for a while.

- Oh, but not that badly, honey-cake.

- That's love.

- Yes, I suppose it is.

- Well, then, let's go home.

- I can't.

There's no such word, dear.

There's no such thing

as marriage based on deceit.

Steve, I begged you not to lie to me.

But I didn't lie to you.

Oh, Susan, please come back to me.

Darling, how can I come back to you

when I don't even trust you?

Steve, if you'd only be honest

and admit that you lied,

there's nothing I wouldn't forgive you,

if you'd just give me a chance.

Darling, let's start over now

with the truth.

All right, darling, if that's the way

you feel about it, I'll confess.

I lied. I was guilty.

You mean

you were in Isobel's apartment that night?

- Yes, that's right.

- And on our anniversary, too!

Yes, but we're starting

all over again, honey.

That's all past now.

I suppose it's perfectly all right

because it's past.

What a despicable cheat you are!

But honey-cake, I only said I was guilty

because you said you'd forgive me if I...

I don't care what I said.

I'll hate you for that for the rest of my life!

Hello, what's the trouble here?

Anything wrong, Susan?

Oh, excuse us, but...

Oh, it's you again.

I didn't recognize you

with your clothes on.

Ward, take me home, please.

- I ought to sock him in the nose.

- Yeah? You and who else?

Hey, Steve!

Well, she's gone home

with that bow-and-arrow guy.

Does he get into my hair.

For two months he's been in Arizona

with Susan and Mrs. Cooper.

Recommended the place

and followed right along.

He's doing all right.

Well, I'm not worried about him.

Now, look, George. You've got

to have this divorce case postponed.

Too late for that, Steve.

But Susan still loves me. She told me.

She's bound to forgive me in a few days.

- If you can only have the case postponed.

- No can do.

Oh, of course you can.

Call up her attorney

and offer him a bribe. Anything.

- What about getting to the judge?

- Oh, no can do.

And will you please stop saying that?

You're driving me crazy.

Well, look, Steve...

Say, that would do it.

What?

If you... If you went crazy,

Susan couldn't divorce you

for five years at least.

She couldn't?

Why, even if you suggested symptoms

of insanity,

why, it would require the postponement

of at least 30 days

before they could find out

if you were crazy or not.

Look. I'm a teapot.

Yeah, but you've got to be a crackpot

to do you any good, and have witnesses.

I'm boiling over.

Where did you leave your parachute?

- I beg your pardon?

- Never mind.

You'll pry no information out of me,

General Electric Whiskers!

Oh, it's my English. I get the joke so slow.

You must...

My friend, you have lost your shoes?

Not at all.

My feet were prisoners, locked up

in these dungeons without food or water.

The enemy locked them up

to keep them from talking,

but they never said a word.

They were loyal.

So I set them free.

See how happy they are?

Oh, happy little feet. Happy little feet.

Shh!

The enemy.

Fly away, feet. Fly away.

Fly away, little feet.

Fly away, fly away, feet. Fly away, feet.

Green is my favorite color.

Excuse me, sir, but them hats belong here.

My friend, I set you free.

Henceforward, you are a free man.

- You can't free me, sir. I was free now.

- Don't be silly.

If I can't free you,

then why am I Abraham Lincoln?

Oh, excuse me, sir.

Red sails in the sunset.

Spread your pretty wings, and sail

the Southern Seas. You are free! Free!

Hey, Steve, that's my hat.

Look! You see, the silk ones are happy

because they are free.

But the felt ones are dead. They sink.

I was too late to save them.

- That's my $30 topper!

- There's mine over there, too.

- I'll get a rake or something.

- Boy, boy, are you having fun.

My hat, please.

I'm so sorry

you couldn't stay longer, Dave.

- It was so nice of you to come.

- Thank you.

The gentleman's hat, Robert.

All the hats from one

to 25 is gone, ma'am.

- Gone? Where?

- That man took them.

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