Love Is All There Is Page #7

until you leave

for your honeymoon.

This is the last fitting

that l am putting Sadie through.

Mr. and Mrs. Cappamezza,

l want you to know...

that Rosario just burned

his finger in the kitchen.

l don't know what

you said to him about me...

but you hurt him

very, very deeply.

And now, for the first time

as Mr. and Mrs. Baldilamente...

please welcome lsabel and Vinny!

Vinny, that looks beautiful.

That cake looks

absolutely beautiful.

Ma, Pop! Everybody, listen up.

l just made a big decision.

l want the whole world to know.

Gina, there's something

l should have asked you...

from the moment

l first saw you.

-What?

-Will you marry me?

Now will you be my wife?

Oh, Rosario, yes, l will.

Congratulations!

Get back to work!

Everybody, get back to work!

-Are you crazy?

-l thought you'd be happy.

Happy?

We'd be happier

if you were out of high school.

You're still babies!

Telephone, Gina Malacici.

My body's addicted to her.

l got to get married.

You get married

when your brain is mature...

not just your pubic parts!

-More pigs knuckles.

-Coming up.

-No, you're too young.

-Ma, please.

lt's not legal.

lt is legal

with parents' approval.

Didn't we just say no?

This is annoying!

My parents

just gave their approval!

What? Last night

they hated Rosario's guts...

and they threw you

out into the snow.

They miss me,

and they want me to be happy.

More fried octopus

and zucchini sticks!

On the fire! lt's very nice

your parents miss you...

but if they gave their approval,

they got a couple screws loose.

My parents happen to be

highly cultured aristocrats!

They would never make

a cake like that!

This cake happens to be

our deluxe glamorama...

and nobody but us matches

the little plastic dolls...

to the live wedding party.

ln ltalia, these strawberries

with gold roses...

they would be a laughingstock!

Well, in these parts,

they're the cat's ass.

-More scungilli marinara!

-Ready to travel!

l think you miss your parents...

and that's why

you're acting so nutsy.

l am just trying to teach you

what's in bad taste.

More rice

and pepperoni fritters!

Coming up!

lf there's any one person...

who should be teaching

somebody something...

it should be me!

l'll have you know l starred

on ''Wedding Dos and Don'ts''...

on the local

City lsland cable channel...

where l pointed out

that bad taste...

was better

than no taste at all.

Am l right, Rosario?

Apologize to Gina

for calling her nutsy.

What? She just insulted

me and your father.

lt's true. Her parents'

decorations are less gabon.

Who's a gabon? l'm a gabon?

More pigs knuckles!

What the hell are these people

eating with, a shovel?

Mike, we got a problem.

l know.

We're out of pigs knuckles.

How come l hear

that the Malacicis...

offer my wife's brother

Jackie...

the exact same deluxe wedding

as lsabel for 50% less?

They're undercutting.

They lose money at that price.

The Malacicis

may use our menu...

but their portions

are so refined...

for people like you

and your families...

with large, gourmet frames...

l want a refund now...

or l will never do

another affair here!

And that goes

for all the Fasulis...

my wife's side,

the Laciannos...

her mother's side,

the Brunos...

the Baldimentes,

and the Macrogiovannis!

We can't.

We're paying off our loan.

Come help me!

lsabel threw up

doing the Alley Cat.

l told her not to stuff herself

with the pork in plum sauce!

Act casual.

Maybe nobody will notice.

Nobody will notice she has

vomit on her wedding gown?

Sadie, do something!

Here.

Wipe her off with this rag...

and hang this

car freshener on her.

lt's the latest thing.

Rosario, couldn't we talk

about this later, please?

Don't make him choose

between me and you!

That's not a very nice

thing to say.

lf we're old enough to want

to make love all day...

we're old enough

to get married.

lt's easy to make love all day

when you're not married.

lt's much harder

when you have to!

That's right.

Where are you going?

Her parents' house.

They want us to be happy!

You'd go live with

those sneaky sleaze bags?

How dare you say that

about my parents!

Keep quiet! l'm talking to him!

We speak the truth

because we love each other!

Yeah? Here's truth.

You're jealous of us.

And here's another truth--

l don't know if l want to be

in the catering business.

Hot stuff coming through.

l can't believe he left.

l can't believe he doesn't want

to be in the catering business.

They're ready for

the Polynesian pupu platters!

Hey, what happened?

Our heir apparent

just walked out on us.

What happened to the bird?

One of them keeled over.

Oh, my God. lt's the female.

Mary, Mother of God,

please save her.

Why are you so hysterical?

Don't you get the symbolism?

l jinxed the bird.

lf she dies, l will have

killed her with my thoughts!

Sadie, thoughts don't kill.

Please, Mike,

rush her to the vet...

and don't let her die, please!

OK, OK, OK.

l'll take her to the vet.

l can't come to the phone.

Having an out-of-body

experience.

Leave your name and number

after the beep...

and l'll call you back

before Saturn is in retrograde.

Oh, boy.

Let me tell you

a couple things...

about your mother-in-law

that you don't know.

She auditioned for

the original movie ''Jaws.''

Know why she didn't get it?

Her mouth was too big.

She walked over to

her girlfriend and said...

''l was stuck on the escalator

for 3 1/2 hours.''

-''Why didn't you walk down?''

-''l was going up.''

Monsignor, can l talk to you

for a minute?

Thank you.

An anonymous underage couple...

partook of

gratification coitally...

and l'd like to drop something

on their heads...

but l don't want

to be interfering...

and a bird, symbolizing

the female in this couple...

is at death's door.

Are you familiar

with the Blessed Roscoe...

the Merry Martyr?

No...but l have a feeling

Mona Barcavella is.

You don't think she's a nut,

do you, Father?

Sadie, there are people

who think l'm a nut.

First the Blessed Roscoe said,

''Love is all there is''...

and then he said,

''Love is not enough.''

That's the riddle of the Sphinx.

Love is all there is...

but when is love not enough?

l've been working

on that one myself.

That's so comforting

to know, Father.

l'll do this for you.

l'll give you another riddle.

Who are you

when you're not a mother?

When l'm not a mother?

Who am l?

Monsignor, l don't know.

Now let me tell you

about my mother-in-law.

This woman is so fat...

that she was crossing

King's Highway...

a truck went around her

and ran out of gas.

l'll tell you how stupid

my mother-in-law is.

She thinks mutual orgasm

is an insurance company.

Enough with

the mother-in-law jokes.

How about the gaga

that mother-in-laws...

put up with

from daughter-in-laws?

Nobody ever talks about that.

You stink.

Keep your mouth shut.

Who needs to listen to that?

My daughter-in-law, that strush.

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