Love Potion No. 9 Page #3

---

[Diane Laughing]

Enrico, thank you.

Good night.

Oh, my God.

Oh...

[Beep]

Hello. | You have 67 messages.

?All my friends | know the low rider... ? Fahrvergnugen.

?The low rider ? ?Is a little higher ? Hi.

My name's Cheryl.

Aren't you going to | tell me your name?

Paul.

Why are you looking | at me like that?

I'm just curious to | what you're thinking.

I'm not going | to tell you.

?The low rider ? I prefer to be | a bit mysterious.

Oh.

Do you like | mysterious girls?

No.

Oh.

What kind of girls | do you like?

Honest and direct.

I don't like mystery.

Oh, I... I was just kidding | about the mystery part.

Oh, yeah.

I can be direct.

I can be | very direct.

?The low rider...

Yeah.

In fact, I can | be so direct,

it would | scare you.

Are you scared?

Nope.

Oh, God.

Oh, this is great.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

O. K., O. K.

Is that direct | enough for you?

Yeah, yeah.

That was excellent, | excellent directness.

So why don't we just | get out of here?

We can go back | to my place.

O. K.

O. K. I-I'll | go home with you.

I'll go home | with you,

and I'll be everything | you've ever wanted in a man

if...

you can answer one | question correctly.

What?

How do you synthesize | a methylated alkaloid?

I don't know.

[Makes Buzzer Sound]

Bye, now.

Yes.

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

Whoo!

[Humming]

It was late, | but the bars were open,

and I still | felt the urge

to continue | with my research.

It was 100% effective.

No matter | what they were doing

or whoever | they were with,

they wanted you!

You were the one they were | looking for their entire lives.

You were funny, | intelligent,

but above all, | you were very, very sexy.

It worked, | and it worked miracles.

It absolutely eliminated | any fear that they

wouldn't like you or that | you weren't good enough.

Instead of taking years of painfully | coming to grips with reality,

you change reality.

Reality comes to you.

You didn't have to be | good-looking,

well-dressed, or rich.

It didn't matter.

You just had to speak.

So...

how do you like | those pretzels?

And you didn't have to | be funny, intelligent,

or insightful.

It didn't matter | what you said.

Content had nothing | to do with it.

So...

you like those radials?

They say that | power corrupts,

and absolute power | corrupts absolutely.

Well...

they're right.

They also say that | the path of excess

leads to | the palace of wisdom.

My palace of wisdom

was the Sigma Delta Pi | Sorority House.

[Beethoven's | Fifth Symphony Plays]

I learned a lot | that night.

I learned a lot | about myself.

I learned a lot | about women.

I also learned about | an obscure panty raid law

which prohibits men | to be in a sorority house

after 9 p. m.

How's it going?

Can I help you?

No. I'm here | to see a friend.

And who is that?

Diane Farrow.

I'm sorry, | but Miss Farrow

isn't expecting | company.

Oh, I'm just | dropping by.

I'm sorry.

Listen, why don't | you go tell her

that Gary Logan | is here?

All right.

Stan, there's a | Gary Logan out here

to see | Miss Farrow.

I'm sorry.

You're kidding.

No. | She has company.

Oh.

Who is that guy?

Prince Geoffrey.

Prince?

Prince of what?

England.

Unbelievable.

Ahem.

Is, uh...

Thank you.

Right through here?

Diane?

Wow!

- Bye! | - Bye, Diane!

Jesus Christ, | you... you look great!

What did you do?

You got a haircut?

Well, that is | a great haircut.

You got your teeth fxed.

Oh, you're on the potion!

You're on the po...

So, uh...

nice... nice clothes.

Did you buy those?

Really?

Ah. Having fun, huh?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

"What were you doing

in the sorority?"

Uh...

what was I doing | in the sorority?

Ha ha ha ha ha...

Oh, no.

I... I was, um...

I was, uh...

I can't tell you. | I'm sorry. I can't.

I was doing research.

I... I was.

What?

What?

Oh, you're kidding.

Heh. Uh... heh heh.

Uh... ahem.

All right, | all right, all right.

Can you keep a secret?

So can I.

I'm sorry. | I... I just...

Oh, look, | that is not fair,

because you're | on the potion.

You can't talk.

How do I know you | haven't been doing

some unspeakably | sordid things?

What?

You're kidding.

What are you,

dating the president?

Who's in there?

You look familiar.

Uh, I'm the prince | of England.

Ow.

Oh.

Paul, we're going to | a charity arts auction tonight.

Would you | like to come?

You're not speaking.

Why aren't you | speaking?

You notice Diane | isn't speaking?

Oh! You're playing the mute game | again, aren't you?

Yes, you are!

She's playing | the mute game again.

[British Accent] | Really?

So, you are coming | to the party.

Tell him to come | to the party.

That's mute for,

"you must come. "

Oh, uh... | you have a tux?

Your highness, | how wonderful to see you.

Jane Childs from | the arts council.

Miss Childs, | so nice to see you.

These are my friends | Paul and Diane.

How do you do?

This is one of our | new South American sculptors.

He's going to be | having a one-man show here.

Thanks.

Uh, shall we go?

Coming, Paul?

No? All right, then.

Have you met | our mayor Mr. Cox?

[Geoffrey] | No, I haven't had the pleasure.

...plaster cast mold,

and then it was done | in the lost wax method,

which is why it's so | anatomically correct.

Excuse me, Your Highness.

He's awfully good | with the ladies.

A 2. Oh, deuces are wild. | I got the 2.

Uh, the 3 is yours.

Uh... the king is for me.

Here's a 4.

4 and, um...

I'm sorry. | We can't do this.

Could I talk to you?

Uh, would you excuse me | for a minute?

Ladies and gentlemen, | the auction is about to begin.

Please join us | at the forum.

Prince Geoffrey | may be turning in

his wicked, wicked ways

for American monkey | psychiatrist Diane Farrow.

Miss Farrow, who | as a comparative psychobiologist

has had considerable | experience taming wild beasts,

has tamed the untamable | king of the jungle

Prince Geoffrey of York.

As far as Buckingham Palace | is concerned,

sources tell us | the queen mum is staying mum

until she gets to meet | the pretty American psychologist.

Hi.

Guess what.

What?

Geoffrey proposed | to me last night.

W-W-W-What'd | you tell him?

I told him I would | think about it.

Think about it.

W-Why'd you | tell him that?

[Clears Throat]

You know...

all my life,

I've felt...

ugly.

And now I have | the world's most desirable man

telling me that | I am beautiful.

I have the prince of England | at home pining for me.

This is a dream come true.

I could be a princess.

You're disturbed.

W-What causes this?

Well, I haven't had | a date in four years.

What?

Uh, well, your... your... | the joke about the date.

Well, what about it?

Well, Diane... | we had a date.

We had a date?

Yeah. Remember?

No, I don't.

The lunch... | we went out to lunch.

That was a date?

Yeah.

I thought a date was when | you went to somebody's house

and you picked them up

and you took them out | to dinner.

Well, that is | a conventional date,

but you... you don't | have to do that.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes