Love Potion No. 9 Page #4

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Gosh, I'm sorry.

I had no idea that | that was a date.

Was there a second date | that I'm not aware of?

No. Because you said you | had kind of a boyfriend.

Oh.

Well, he's not a boyfriend.

No?

No.

Are you hungry?

Yeah.

Do you want to go out | and get something to eat?

You know, I'll drive | to your house,

and I'll pick you up | and...

talk to your father.

So this is a date?

This is | defnitely a date.

O. K.

And then something | magical happened.

For the first time | in my life,

I felt something perfect.

Once you feel that feeling, | that perfect feeling,

you want it to last | forever,

but since love | comes with no guarantee,

you do what you can do,

and the only thing | you can do

is get married.

So you plan | your moment carefully,

making it as enticing | and romantic as possible.

And if they accept, | you marry

and cross your fingers | and hope it lasts.

I couldn't wait to spend | the rest of my life with Diane.

I booked this great old | bed and breakfast

on a bluff | overlooking the ocean.

We'd go out | and watch the sunset...

?Pain in my heart ? Diane?

?You're treating me cold ? Uh...

?Where can my baby be? ? Where are you?

?Lord, no one knows ? ?Pain in my heart ? Just won't let me sleep ? ?Where can my baby be? ? ?Lord, where can she be? ? [Ring]

?I began | to get tough ? Hello?

?I said I want you | to come back... ? No. You've got | a wrong number.

?Come back, come back, | baby ? ?I know ? ?Oh ? ?A little pain | in my heart

[Telephone Rings]

Hello?

Diane, what happened to you? | Where are you?

Hi.

Where have you been?

Huh?

Paul...

so much has happened.

So much.

Tell me.

Well, um...

last week...

something happened | between us.

Uh-huh.

Well, we became...

friends.

Friends?

Yeah, I mean...

it's important, isn't it, | to be... friends?

Well, yeah, but, uh, | I mean, uh...

I thought we became | more than friends.

There's something | I think I should tell you.

I've been | seeing someone...

off and on for about, | um, 10 years,

and... and there | were problems.

I mean, it never, never | really worked out,

but all of a sudden, | it's like he's come around.

He's changed.

It's like a dream | come true for me.

It's great.

Gary...

um, Gary, this is Paul.

Paul, this is Gary.

Paul...

Paul, please, | don't be upset.

We can still be | friends, can't we?

At first I was a mess,

and then things | just got worse.

I couldn't eat.

I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't do anything | but think of Diane.

I had no choice. | I had to get her back.

I did what | everybody does

when they're in love | with somebody

who's in love | with somebody else...

You pretend you're willing | to be just friends,

but really you're out to sabotage | their relationship.

I'd gently steer Diane into | the morass of Gary's many faults.

Since I didn't know Gary,

I had to find out what | exactly these faults were.

So how's it | with, uh, Gary?

Gary's great.

He's a handsome guy.

You think so?

He looks great | in a towel, too.

He could be | a big towel model.

What's he like?

I didn't really get | a chance to meet him.

Well, um...

can you imagine feeling | something with someone

that just feels... | perfect?

Yeah.

That's how I would | describe Gary.

He's just... perfect.

Perfect?

Wow... perfect.

Besides perfect, | w-what is he like?

Well, he's, uh...

he's kind of | a perfectionist.

So... So he's perfect, | and he's a perfectionist.

So, yeah.

I mean... | but what does that mean?

He's punctual?

Well, he's, um...

Oh, he's very resolute.

He wants to do | what he wants to do.

Is that good?

Do you like that | about him?

Usually.

Not always?

Well, it...

Sometimes he just | likes to do things

that I... I really | don't like to do.

[Telephone Rings]

Oh. I'm sorry.

Hello?

Hi.

Oh, I was just | talking to Paul.

Gary, we're just friends.

Gary, I...

O. K.

O. K.

I love you.

All right.

I love you.

O. K. Bye.

Gary doesn't want me | talking to you anymore.

Diane, | what do you want?

I don't want | to lose him.

I love him.

Sorry.

This plan was clearly | not going to work.

Gary's influence | over Diane was too powerful.

She'd do anything | to make him happy.

It was like she'd joined | some kind of cult.

I went from feeling I'd be | in love with Diane forever

to wondering if I'd ever fall | in love with anyone again.

I would.

[Honk Honk]

[Coughs]

[Honk]

[Coughs]

[Honk Honk]

[Knock Knock]

Oh, hi.

Hi. I was | in the area.

I thought I'd stop | by and say hello.

Oh, that was | very nice of you.

Uh... do you | want to come in?

O. K.

Can I use | your bathroom?

So, uh... | what is it you do again?

Accountant or something?

There we go.

So is that | everything?

Yeah, this is | the whole thing.

Cables?

The cables are in with | the instruction books.

Good job, buddy.

You're coming right | back, right?

You bet.

O. K. Bye-bye.

I gave her anything I had | of value,

including all | the love potion.

I tried explaining how it | affects the pharyngeals,

but this was clearly | a woman more interested

in fiduciary gain | than in science.

Great girl.

For four hours, I could | think of nothing but Marisa...

Beautiful, intelligent, | all-around wonderful gal Marisa.

Then four hours later...

I could've strangled her.

I couldn't believe | how powerful an influence

the potion had over me.

I would've done anything | to make Marisa happy.

It was like I had joined | some kind of cult.

You sold all of it, | the whole bottle?

Yes.

The person who bought this, | what did they look like?

Tall, very handsome, | dark eyes, dark hair.

Did he wear a ring?

Yes.

A gold snake with | rubies for eyes.

Hello?

Diane, I just got back | from Madame Ruth's.

Gary is using | the potion on you.

I'm in love with him.

No, you're not. | Go away for four hours

and see if you're still | in love with him.

Paul, this is | ridiculous.

Why does he make you take | the telephone everywhere?

Does he call you | every four hours?

He thinks you're using | the love potion on me.

Don't tell him! | He's the enemy!

[Gary] Just hang up | the phone, Diane.

He must have | found out about it.

Did you write it down?

I have to go.

[Gary] | Hang up the phone.

He must have read | your journal and...

[Click]

Diane.

I'm not listening | to you.

I am not using it. | He is.

It'll wear off someday,

and you'll be pregnant, | and you'll be married,

and you'll have | that a**hole's children.

It'll wear off. | You'll be married to a man you hate

with a bunch of little | a**holes running around!

I kept calling her,

but she wouldn't | take my calls.

I wrote her letters,

but they came back | unanswered.

I tried confronting Gary.

That didn't work.

There was only one stone | left unturned.

Do you have an antidote

or something | more powerful or...

Sit down.

Years ago | there was a plague.

It affected many people.

It did not in any way | make them feel ill.

They lived long lives, | but...

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