Love Potion No. 9 Page #5

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something inside of them | died...

The capacity | to love forever.

This is the cure.

Love Potion Number Nine | does not create emotion.

It purifes it.

Love is often obscured

by doubt, | prejudice, suspicion.

With number nine,

all that is eliminated.

It becomes pure.

The greatest tragedy | in life

is when love fades.

With Love Potion | Number Nine,

it never fades.

So if you ever | loved each other

and you both | take this potion,

you will love each other | again,

as much as you ever | loved each other...

forever.

Are you absolutely sure | she was in love with you?

Uh...

mm-hmm.

Why?

If you both | take this potion

and you were | in love with her

but she really never | was in love with you,

you will love her for | the rest of your life,

and she will hate you | for the rest of hers.

Great.

How does it work?

She said drink from | the same cup, then kiss.

Five minutes later, | it will take effect.

If your heart is willing and can | be pleased, wait and listen,

and you'll hear a song | from the breeze.

So if you're willing | to fall in love,

and fve minutes | after the big smooch,

you'll hear | this wind musical thing,

and whoosh, | you're in love forever.

If your heart is stubborn | like the heart of a fool,

you will taste | the sweat of a mule.

So if you're an a**hole | and not willing to commit,

then fve minutes | after the kiss,

you'll taste mule sweat,

which, I imagine, | is terrible.

So if I take this potion | with Diane,

I kiss her, | fve minutes later...

assuming that she's | still in love with me...

number nine | will override number eight,

no matter how much | Gary takes number eight.

That's assuming | she's in love with me.

Paul...

And this is the reason | why you guys are here...

Diane's not talking to me,

so she's not going to | willingly take the potion.

I'm going | to need your help.

The plan is very simple.

We go to her house, | I knock on the door...

You guys wait | on the foyer...

If she answers, I burst in. | You guys follow.

If she doesn't, | we knock down the door,

grab her, hold her down, | I tickle her knee,

and her mouth will open.

I force the potion in, | get her to swallow it.

I kiss her. Then we wait | for fve minutes.

Of course, getting her | to swallow

is going to be | the toughest part

'cause, hey, you know, | women don't want to swallow.

Sorry. Uh...

Oh, also, if Gary is there,

it's going to get physical,

'cause, uh...

But there are four of us,

and I think we can | take him...

unless he has a gun,

but chances | are pretty remote.

You guys have any questions?

What? What? | What's with that look?

You don't believe me?

It's not a matter | of not believing you.

It's just...

I think it is a matter | of not believing you.

Not only that, | but you're asking us

to break | a number of laws...

breaking and entering, | assault, battery.

Ron, do you | believe me?

I'd sooner believe | the Single Bullet Theory.

[Knock On Door]

Hold on.

I'm running kind of low, | sweetheart.

This Gary guy has the rest | of the potion, right?

Yeah, that's right.

Great.

Bye-bye, now.

Bye-bye.

- Bye. | - Bye-bye.

[Laughing]

[Coughing]

My God.

She's an angel.

That b*tch.

She took my Rolex | and my wallet.

Yes. Yes, | that's right.

I'd like to report | a stolen Visa Card.

Thank you.

What am I going | to tellJudy?

Tell her | you're a schmuck.

You guys going | to help me now or what?

Remember. What do you | do if Marisa shows up?

Beat the living sh*t | out of her.

Cover your ears. | Yell and scream.

Don't listen to her.

What if | Gary shows up?

Beat the living sh*t | out of him.

Good.

Shh.

Hi.

Hello.

Are you Diane's | friend?

- Yeah. Who are you? | - Paul.

You're the Paul | she works with?

Yeah.

The one she | hit it off with?

She told me | not to talk to you.

There's something strange | going on here, isn't there?

Yes, there is.

Suddenly she's dating | the prince of England,

then she's crazy | about you,

now she's marrying | the schmuck.

Marrying? | She's marrying him?

- Yes. | - When?

In about an hour.

Oh, Jesus.

She forgot this | in all the excitement.

Uh, hi.

What's happening here?

Would you like me | to tell you?

You get her to drink | from the glass,

then bring the glass | back to me.

I'll sip from it, | come in, and kiss her.

So this guy Gary, | is he big?

Yeah.

Now, you said that she | was crazy about me.

Is that the word | she used, crazy?

Yes.

Did she ever say that | she was in love with me?

Did she use | that word?

No. She said crazy.

[Cork Pops]

[Madame Ruth] | If your heart is decisive

and your heart | can be pleased,

wait and listen.

You will hear | a song from the breeze.

Oh, great.

This is great.

Oh, O. K.

Now, it is | a tradition

for the bride | and the matron of honor

to drink | champagne

out of each | other's glasses.

It is?

It is.

It's sort of | an Irish thing.

Did you | know that?

No.

Well, uh, pour.

Grandma.

O. K.

Um...

Here.

O. K. Now, hold | your glass up

really nice | and high.

O. K.

And... to Diane

and... whoever.

Gary.

Right.

You look beautiful.

Mmm.

Gary, get out | of here!

It's bad luck for the groom | to see the bride

before | the wedding.

Well, then,

here's to bad luck.

[Madame Ruth] | There is something you can do.

You must drink | from the same glass,

then kiss her.

Drink from | the same glass, then kiss her?

She will | fall in love

with the man | she loved most

and hate the other | forever,

but if you wait too long, | it won't work.

Hmm...

No...

Whoa...

No...

Aah!

Back up.

Oh!

Just get out.

No!

O. K., move. | I'll crack this...

Put it down!

Just step aside. | Diane...

Oh, God!

Diane. Diane.

Mmm!

Look, fellas, | I... I... I...

I'm not crazy, | O. K.?

I'm not insane.

Mmm, oh, no!

Hello, Gary.

Now, listen. | I know you're in a hurry

to get married,

so let's skip | the small talk.

You've got something | I want.

Oh.

It's so...

thick.

You're supposed | to dilute it.

Completely pure?

[Madame Ruth] | If your heart is stubborn

like the heart | of a fool,

you'll wait, | hear nothing,

but taste the sweat | of the mule.

What?

What are you | doing?

[Spitting]

Stop!

Gary.

Let me do this.

Gary, don't!

Stop!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on.

If any present | knows any reason

why they may not lawfully | be joined in marriage,

let them speak now

or forever | hold their peace.

Yecchh!

[Coughing]

Do you, Diane Farrow,

take this man to be your | lawfully wedded husband,

in sickness | and in health,

as long as you both | shall live?

I do.

The ring.

[Cough Cough Cough]

Excuse me.

What's going on?

You b*tch!

You god damn whore!

Ow!

Tramp!

You b*tch!

Jesus Christ!

Uh, guys, we got | a major code 29

right outside.

Everybody out!

Get with it, guys!

Move!

Go, go!

Everybody move!

[Waltz Of The Flowers | Plays]

Help!

[Singing]

Help!

?Mo mo ? ?Hmm, mo ? ?Ooh, yeah ? [Humming And Singing]

?Ooh ? ?Ma, ma, ma, ma, ? ?Ma, ma, ma, ma,

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