Love Punch Page #6

- Have some more wine.

- Just have a bit more wine.

Let's at least see it, then.

- Yeah, let's have a look.

- See what?

- The gun, Jerry.

- What? You want to see it?

- I do, actually.

- Let's have a look. Come on.

- Come on, then.

- All right.

- All right.

- Nobody's watching.

Hey-hey! Have a look at that.

All right, all right. One at a time!

Whoops, sorry.

Oh!

Freeze, you melon farmers.

- Steady, Pen.

- Oh, sorry.

Put it down.

Jesus Christ!

All right, er...

- Out the door. Shall we?

- Yeah. Drink up.

The bill, please.

Well, that was

something, wasn't it?

- Do you'll think we'll get arrested?

- No.

Oi, chaps, chaps. Good news.

I've just been talking to the owner.

Turns out we were in the Legion together.

He says if we, er... pay for

the wine, everything's OK.

- Fantastic.

- Oh, fabulous.

- I feel a bit giddy, Jerry.

- Oh, I say! You all right there, Pen?

- Bedtime for us all.

- Right-o.

- Good night, then.

- Good night.

- What are you doing?

- Well... they seem so happy.

You know, with the idea of us.

I don't want to spoil it

for them, that's all.

Just... oh... just...

Just...

Oh... Oh!

Oh, that feels good.

Do you think we're

doing the right thing?

You know, diamond

stealing and kidnapping.

Without a shadow of a doubt.

Sit down for a minute.

I said sit.

Lying down is fine too.

Pen and I had a gin, doubles.

I just can't take it. I can't take my

booze anymore. That's the thing.

Well... it just whips my arse.

You're much more likeable

these days, you know?

That's nice. Thanks.

So are you.

We were much too young when we met.

We should have met now instead.

I don't think it works like that.

Why not?

Why did the latest one leave you?

She didn't, actually.

I left her.

Hmm.

- How's your back?

- Terrible.

How's your bunions?

Oh, excruciating.

Sweet dreams.

Night-night.

Oh.

- Oh, God! We didn't, did we?

- No.

Oh! Thank God.

You don't have to sound

so relieved about it.

Oh.

I haven't had sex for two years.

I'd like to have remembered it.

Jerry, try this. Please,

cos it's so juicy. Go on.

See what I mean? Gorgeous.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Here he is.

- Hello.

- The stallion.

Didn't get much sleep last

night, old son, did you?

- Oh, Jerry.

- Oh, the old bed did shake, eh?

- Only my snoring, Jerry. That's all it was.

- Right you are.

Looks like we've got a bit of a problem.

Matt did some digging around last night.

Apparently there are going

to be fingerprint sensors

at the entrance to the party.

Everyone's going to be scanned

before they're allowed in.

- It's worse than Fort Knox.

- Mm-hmm.

We could shave off their fingertips

and stick them onto ours.

The Texans, I mean.

I saw it in a film once.

- Pen...

- Oh, sorry.

- I do get carried away.

- Good to think outside the box.

We should go with something a

bit more mainstream, though.

- Can everyone swim?

- Yes.

- How about climbing?

- Have you ever climbed, Jerry?

- He has not.

- Yeah, I have.

- I have.

- Jerry! When?

- When?

- I was in the Australian Parachute Regiment.

7:
28.

- 7:
32.

- 7:
32.

6:
30.

- Jerry, you're still on English time.

- Oh, yeah, of course.

OK, let's do this.

You get up every morning from

your alarm clock's warning

Take the 8:
15 into the city

There's a whistle up above,

people pushin', people shovin'

And the girls who

try to look pretty

And if your train's on time

you can get to work by nine

And start your slaving

job to get your pay

If you ever get annoyed

look at me, I'm self-employed

I love to work at nothin' all day

And I'll be taking care

of business every day

Taking care of business every way

I'll be taking care of

business, it's all mine

Taking care of business

and working overtime

Work out

If it were easy as fishing

you could be a musician

If you could make

sounds loud or mellow

Get a second-hand guitar,

chances are you'll go far

If you get in with the

right bunch of fellows...

Jerry! Jerry!

You're going the wrong way.

Right you are.

It's the work that we avoid

and we're all self-employed

We love to work at

nothing all day

- Pen!

- Jerry!

- Ow!

- Ow!

What on earth are you doing?

- Jerry!

- It's OK.

- All right?

- Yeah.

Oh... Oh, Jesus.

You're scared of heights. How

could I forget? Are you all right?

I'm fine, thank you.

- Pen, you're squashing my head!

- Ssh, ssh!

I'm sorry, darling.

- Ssh, ssh, ssh!

- I've got you. I'm here.

Well done, Jerry.

Right.

- Have you got the gun?

- No, sorry, Richard.

I put my foot down. I just

decided it was too dangerous.

- Quite right.

- I simply don't trust myself around it.

But I made sandwiches, egg mayo.

Anyone hungry?

- Oh, great, I'm starving.

- Pen, I think we should get on.

Yeah, come on, this way.

Stay close to me, Jerry.

You look fine in that hat.

Mr and Mrs Chambord, from Qatar.

- Bonsoir.

- Bonsoir.

Mr Chabert, from Bordeaux.

Mr and Mrs Ossman, from Hanoi.

- Congratulations.

- Merci.

Thanks for coming.

Mr and Mrs Hicks and Mr and Mrs

Baxter from Houston, Texas.

- Ah, that's us!

- Hey! Bonsoir.

- So glad you made it. Long way to come.

- Howdy partner!

- Real great to be here.

- We'll find time to talk later. Welcome.

Of course, this is not

really a wedding.

- It's a chance to do some business.

- Sweetheart.

Well, you're not to bore us with all that

oil talk. I'm here to have some fun.

Oh, we like fun, don't we?

Come along, missy.

Thank you. It's a

mighty fine chteau.

Mr and Mrs Beltrami, from Rome.

- I think that went quite well.

- For now.

Let's blend in.

Darling, I need to powder my nose. Would

you be so kind as to accompany me?

- It would be my pleasure.

- Thank you.

- Ey-up.

- Jerry!

Merci. Well, Kate said

to blend in, didn't she?

- Here's to us.

- Yeah.

- Which floor?

- Second floor.

Right.

Right.

Back in a tick.

That's it, that's her room.

OK, Jerry. 30 seconds.

Howdy, partner! How ya doin' there?

- Come on.

- I'm looking for the old John Wayne.

The, er... pissoir, the,

er... bog crapper? Any idea?

Sorry, sir, downstairs.

This floor is private.

Her window's open and there's

a ledge running to it.

A ledge? Ledge?

More like a balcony. Hold those.

- Slow, slow, slow.

- I am going slow.

- Don't look down.

- I'm not bloody looking down.

Oh... Oh!

Turn around, turn around.

See? Turn around. There you go.

That's it. You're all right now.

This is good. I got it.

Well done. Well done.

You're being very brave.

You're being very, very brave.

- Oh!

- Oh!

Oh, f***!

Wait, wait, wait.

I've got you. I've got you.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Cats.

- And flowers.

The 19th century.

I'm gonna get changed.

Excusez-moi.

Go with her.

Ssh...

I'm coming.

Come in! Entrez!

What?

- You want to watch me get dressed now?

- Eh?

Get out! Get out!

She just... OK.

Ssh!

Oh, sorry. You're probably

wondering what I am doing.

- It's not...

- I'm so glad you're here.

Oh, there, there.

Now, just sit down and tell Auntie...

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