Loves Her Gun Page #4

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- Sounds okay.

- Oh, a beer...

Thank you so much.

Okay, so you got Charlotte a

beer. Did you get me a beer?

- Yeah.

- I see how it is.

- I see how it is.

- Then, well... you want to share?

- That's the end of that.

- No thank you.

Come up here, pal.

Come here, pal.

Do we have a thing

to open these,

or are they supposed to just

twis...

And they had a bowl of donuts,

and the idea was that the pig

would stick its head

out of the cage

just far enough to get a donut,

and they would shoot it

in its head.

And so this happened in my

living room.

But the donut thing didn't

really work out that well.

I mean...

I hopefully won't ever have

to use it, but...

it's what I have my gun for.

You have a gun?

Bullshit!

Bullshit?

What's this?

- Yeah.

- You brought a gun to a pool party? What is your problem?

- What are... Put that away! What?

- Excited!

Is it loaded?

- OH MY GOD.

- Pearl, stop it!

What are you doing?

Put the gun away!

Put the gun away!

Chill out! God.

- Pearl, put the f***ing gun away.

- What is your problem?

You can't just go around

slinging your gun out of your...

- Okay, okay.

- Pearl! Pearl!

- What are you doing?

- What?

I don't want to get an inch

closer to you,

you crazy hick,

but I am coming closer.

Okay?

I just want to take you in

my arms.

- I just want to take you in my arms...

- No.

...and slap you in the f***ing

FACE. You're gonna kill someone!

- That's not nice.

- It's not nice.

- Stop holding the gun!

- Put the gun away.

- What is wrong with you?

Take it. Jesus Christ.

You guys need to chill out.

Why do you have that?

Why do you even have that?

Why DON'T you have one?

Because, do you know you can

get killed more easily,

if you have a gun?

It's a proven statistic.

Like 80% of the people that

have guns get shot.

That is not a proven statistic!

Like 1% of people

of gun deaths are actual like

self... people using...

self-defense... I don't know.

You guys...

I am so sorry.

- It's not a party until someone pulls out a gun.

- She's f***ing nuts.

Are you okay?

No, I'm fine. There's no reason

to be sorry.

I know she's crazy but I didn't

think she was gonna do that.

It's actually pretty cool.

Oh, hi honey.

I'm so sorry to bother you.

- Is Clark here?

- No.

- He's not here right now.

- Sorry.

We live next door, and...

We just... we're locked out.

Again.

And what happens is,

because he painted the window

shut, we have to climb...

I'm sorry. I'm Don,

and this is Debbie.

- Hi, I'm Debbie. Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- I love what you've done with the yard.

- Thanks.

So we just have to borrow a

ladder,

and I think that he keeps it

over there in the garage.

So that Don can climb up to the

second floor and get in,

because he painted the window

shut and all.

- Are you okay?

- She's fine.

Oh. No, no.

It's an accident.

So...

- I'm sure it's fine.

- I'm sorry to bother you. We're really sorry.

- No, no, no. Don't worry about it.

- Yeah.

We were just on our way to my

little nephew's birthday party.

He's turning four, and you know,

he just has all his trucks...

- She doesn't need to know everything.

- and trains and sh*t.

Well, actually,

it's because he painted the

window shut

on the ground floor.

One time, we were doing

a little "remodel."

And so, that's why we have to

climb up to the...

That is such a pretty dress.

Oh, thanks.

- Did you get that here?

- No, no, no.

I got it in New York.

- Oh, New York?

- Yeah.

We got to go to New York, Don.

We should.

Yeah.

He just doesn't think about

things before he does them,

- and he just goes off half cocked.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, thanks again.

- I really appreciate it.

Yeah. No problem.

- I'll put it back in the garage.

- Oh, okay.

- Thanks.

- All right.

- Make sure and try that brisket.

- All right. I will.

- Oh.

- Jesus.

Sorry, Clark. Hold on.

Are you there?

Oh. No problem, no problem.

Sorry.

You scared me.

- Sorry. How are you?

- It's okay.

Good. How are you?

Good. Take a nap?

- No.

- Why?

I have to deal with this stupid

craigslist stuff.

Oh.

Yeah.

Aw. It's so sweet.

Thanks, Clark.

Yeah. No problem.

- It's really nice.

- It smells good.

You didn't have to do that.

Why not?

I want you to feel comfortable

with me.

Happy here.

Thanks.

Yeah. No problem.

Actually, there are some friends

that are, um,

that are going for dinner and

some drinks later...

And I was wondering

if you want to be my date.

It's gonna be so much fun.

It's gonna be so great.

- I'm just really tired.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

I just think I should go to

sleep tonight.

I've been up all night,

you know?

- Yeah. Yeah, no problem.

- I'm sorry.

- Oh, no problem.

- Is that okay?

Yeah, no problem.

Thanks, Clark.

You need to sleep.

Yeah. I do.

We can do it other day,

no problem.

All right.

Thanks for being cool.

Yeah. No problem.

Are your windows painted shut?

What?

Are your windows painted shut?

No.

Why?

No.

Never mind.

Stupid question.

When's your next show, man?

What's up next for you, man?

I don't know, like...

First we have to figure out what's

gonna happen with the band.

- So...

- Yeah.

Dan quit the band.

He was too old for this

bullshit band.

- He's old, man.

- I don't know. - Yeah.

- What's he gonna do?

- I don't know.

He moves to Albuquerque

with his dad.

- Albuquerque?

- Yeah.

- For what?

- What's in Albuquerque?

- To manage a restaurant or something like that, yeah.

- Hot dogs?

- To manage a restaurant?

- Yeah.

- That's...

- I mean...

I would never expect that guy

to manage anything.

He can't even manage his own

ass half the time.

- It does surprise me.

- So...

Zoe tells me that

you met a girl.

Oh.

- Come on! Come on!

- No, no.

No...

I met this girl in Brooklyn,

and...

- Brooklyn.

- What's her name?

- Allie.

- Allie?

She went to the show,

and then...

We're like, talking and she

moves with us...

- On the road trip.

- Oh, nice.

Here she's like staying in my

place right now, and...

Why she didn't come down here

and hang out with us, man?

I don't know.

She's kind of weird.

But I really like her, like...

- What do you mean "weird"?

- Yeah, what's up with that?

- Like a modern weird, or...

- We're all weird.

You know, just kind of...

closed and...

But he... she's in my place

right now.

- He?

- Yeah. Sorry. She.

I missed you guys. Salud.

- Salud, Salud.

- Salud.

Good to have you back.

Sure. I need some tequila, man.

All right, 1-2-3 gang!

Come on...

Hey.

Allie.

Allie.

Hey.

Wake up.

Time for work.

- You're gonna be late.

- Uh uh.

- Huh?

- Uh uh.

Wake up...

Frojita.

Come on.

You're gonna be late.

Hey, Sarah.

Sh*t.

I'm so sorry.

Whatever.

Just put that small brick

on the end.

Look, I...

I just, like...

I couldn't sleep last night.

Like, I'm in Clark's f***in'

house,

- It's fine, it's fine.

- and it's like...

Just like every sound I hear,

you know,

it's like somebody's gonna

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