Low Cost Page #3

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That's a shame.

I don't get it.

Anyway,

by my estimate...

I don't know where we are.

What's your name?

Jean-Claude.

Why not take off again?

Well, it's because...

there are these sorts of... camels...

tanks, blocking the way,

and the runway.

Camels or tanks?

Both.

With another copilot,

we wouldn't be here.

Hang on a second.

To err is human. He's human.

He's an error.

Hang on. We need to find a solution.

The point isn't how we got here.

Even if we know who had

the dumb idea to steal a plane.

Hang on a second!

You all agreed.

Are you kidding?

You all applauded me.

That doesn't mean we agreed.

Excuse me.

There's a crowd out there.

A big one?

Yes.

Dangerous?

Yes.

Pull the shades down.

Show them you've got balls!

Just relax.

Dangerous, how? What'd they do?

Foreign equals savage? How trite!

Nice going.

Violence ain't always

where you think it is.

You're creating the danger.

They can sense we're afraid.

- What awful grammar!

- You said it!

Let's go talk to them.

Human is our native tongue.

Are you sure you?

Gwen, come on.

- She's American.

- I think so.

Shut the door!

- What's your name?

- Move back!

- What's your name?

- Jean-Claude.

Shut the door, Jean-Claude.

Give him a hand!

Shut the door!

Help me!

- Jean-Claude!

- Help me!

They shot at us!

Starboard, everyone!

MY leg[

Those motherfucking f*ggot

sons of inbred b*tches!

- You okay?

- Get a doctor!

See if there is one.

Can't you go?

Your shirt! I'll do a tourniquet.

It's a Lacoste. Duty-free.

- It's a fake!

- It is not.

The Lacoste logo isn't a frog.

Gimme that rag!

Move back.

Give her some air.

Let me through!

- Take it easy.

- Mind if I handle this?

Miss?

Can you hear me?

Yes, she needs a doctor.

You're not one?

Sort of. A podiatrist.

- Then beat it.

- I'll try to help.

Careful, she has lice.

Lice?

We've got a problem.

That's no problem, that's a corpse.

- You okay?

- I'm all right.

I'm allergic to dead bodies.

Don't tell his girlfriend or the others.

They'll panic.

Not necessarily.

Sorry, but there's...

Yes, they will.

- I'm gonna scream.

- Don't.

I'm not okay.

- You'll be okay.

- I won't be okay at all.

All these corpse allergies!

So he's dead?

Let's say he's not completely alive.

What did you want?

It was to...

Spit it out. Calm down.

- I can't remember.

- You can!

Is it the girl?

She's fine. I hate being like this!

- Is she in a lot of pain?

- Yes, but it's okay.

This drives me nuts!

Now I know!

Armed men on board.

I'd go, but my cholesterol's high.

I would, too,

but you're in front of me.

Sorry.

"True courage is being brave

precisely when you feel it the least."

Jules Renard.

How much is a liter of oil?

They'll kill me.

I'm a lousy bargainer.

You're the boss, chief.

That helps.

I'll negotiate for water

and for them to clear the runway.

From history's heights

Where the sun of your bravery

Laid siege to death

Here lies the clarity

The deep transparency

Of your beloved presence

Commandante Che Guevara...

Mind if I Sit?

No.

Thanks.

You okay?

I'm hungry.

It's not at all sure

that he'll be back.

Think so?

There's even

very little chance.

I know what you're thinking.

Really?

Because I'm a stewardess?

Not at all!

Yes, that's it.

If I'd been a rabbi...

That was very funny.

Being funny is pointless.

Girls like you are rare.

Meaning?

Usually discussions with stewardess

don't reach great heights.

If you'll forgive the pun.

But conversations with pilots,

those are...

That's a good one!

Excellent

- Very funny.

- What's your name again?

Jean-Claude.

I can't see myself with a Jean-Claude.

See you later.

So long.

How to Die in Style

It all started with an argument.

One weekend.

We said some terrible things.

You know what it was about?

The cable modem had been out

for 3 months.

I see.

So no TV, no Internet, no telephone.

So they all left.

No TV, no Internet, no phone.

What d'you expect?

She asked for a divorce.

She got custody of the kids

and moved away.

Then

Internet worked again like magic.

But I really don't need it anymore,

since I see my kids in a square

in SablA...

sur-Sarthe.

Overall, it went pretty well.

They're cooperative.

They gave me water.

But they want two little things.

Not my fan!

They said everything.

The ring Mom gave me on her deathbed.

Sorry.

It's for both of us.

Never mind.

What?

No way.

"Everything"

Don't even think about it.

That's low.

The second thing is,

and they're adamant...

They want us to hand over

the women...

Hang on!

It's horrible. Sure.

No one can say it isn't.

Why? Because it's horrible.

But saying it won't get us very far.

We hand over the women.

Hang on!

I can hand myself over.

No, that's horrible!

It's horrible, and yet...

Are you out of your mind?

How vile,

monstrous,

and low

to think for a minute

of sacrificing any one of us!

So let me finish my sentence.

They want the women

and the men!

I warned you, I'm no bargainer.

No Tonton Macoute's

gonna bumfuck me.

Sorry to be crude,

but they think we're ninnies.

Stop! Now you all shut up

and listen to me.

My name's Alain

and I'm policeman.

Up to now I was on vacation.

But vacation's over

and I'm back on duty.

So get ready for a fight.

Those redskins are in for it!

Kill the bastards!

Aren't you non-violent?

Sure, but to be non-violent,

you gotta know violence.

That cop's gotta make up his mind!

Arise you children of our motherland

Oh now is here our glorious day!

Over us the bloodstained banner

Of tyranny holds sway!

Excuse me.

Help me!

Why didn't you help before?

Sorry, it was a personal initiative.

I wasn't in the mood.

Thanks.

Now what, boss?

Yeah, what do we do?

What do we do?

I suggest we vote, but...

To decide on the next f***-up?

You call saving my life a f***-up?

Thanks a lot.

I didn't mean that.

I have an idea.

How do you say hostage?

- You want help?

- No, you translate.

Give us food and drink

and clear the runway,

or we kill your leader.

- What?

- Not kill, really.

You sure of yourself, because...

All right, all right.

We cut off his leg.

- Why his leg?

- It's psychological.

Okay, his foot. Translate that.

Bull feces.

I got that.

- That's risky.

- It could destabilize him.

He does look very destabilized.

I'd like my little fan back, too.

I won't cut his leg off!

Just his foot, okay?

If it's just his foot, okay.

It won't hurt as much.

Was that irony?

Now what do we do, boss?

Well, what?

Nothing.

I don't know.

I don't know about you,

but that music drives me nuts.

Want me to check your hair?

I've got it.

We cut his foot off.

Is he dead at least?

No, he's napping.

He had a late night.

It's your idea, so you do the honors.

We'll leave you. Bye.

The foot's on the end, right?

Yes, on the end.

Who does your company's

musical programming? Hitler?

I can't do it!

I can't do it.

His skin is all icky and limp.

It wobbles. I can't.

What's all the blood?

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