Lucky Numbers Page #3

Funny. Okay. Okay.

Well, make the call then.

Good choice.

I was in the right place, but

it must've been the wrong time

I was saying the right things

but i must've used the wrong line

- I was on the right trip

- All right.

Let's do this cocksucker.

- [Continues]

- All right. Let's do it.

I've been running

trying to get hung up in mymind

This is so cool. You can just

come in here anytime you want.

Yeah, i got the keys, don't i?

All right. This one's

for Charlie Hustle, okay?

The pricks wanna keep him

out of Cooperstown?

I wasin the wrong place, but

it must've been the right time

- Home run.

- I wasin the rightplace

It's happening right this second.

Send a squad car now!

I was in the right world,

but it seemed like a wrong, wrong

- [Sirens Wailing]

- Come on. Move it!

Let me just ask you one question,

Your Honor. Where's my bat?

Don't worry about your bat, a**hole.

[Phone Ringing]

[Ring]

- Yeah?

- I'm gonna break your f***ing face.

- What?

- You better have a bag of money...

the f***ing second they set bail,

or i'm telling them who hired me.

I also want an extra ten grand

for my pain and suffering.

- Are we clear, weatherman?

- No, we're not clear.

We're the furthest thing from clear.

I don't even know who you are.

Look. A second ago i was asleep.

And two seconds ago, i was

in a blueberry field with my mother,

and we were getting along

really well.

Save that for your psychiatrist.

I want my ten grand.

Stop it! Stop saying that!

- I don't have ten grand.

- Oh, no?

You'd better sell something

or kill someone. I don't care!

You just get me my f***ing money!

- What...

- [ Dial Tone ]

[ Sighs ]

Okay, Russ.

It's gonna be a better day.

- [Woman] Russ Richards! Hi!

- How are you?

Merry Christmas.

Okay. Mmm.

- Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love.

- What are you doing here?

- Problem.

- What?

Dale the Thug's getting a bit pissy

about his ten grand.

Dale the Thug? Dale the Thug?

That's his nickname?

When did that happen?

Oh, that's childhood issues.

Trust me, you don't wanna know.

He was fine for a day or two,

but now he's had time to stew, see?

Good morning.

What can I get you?

- Can I have coffee? With milk.

- Okay.

- Do you have those apple pastries?

- Wendy.

- The pastries with cinnamon swirls.

- Wendy, he's not staying.

- He's leaving, okay?

- Okay.

Okay. All right.

Thanks for asking.

[Giggling]

I cannot be seen with you.

I am a public figure.

Russ, you don't return my calls.

I'm doing you the favor.

If there's a Dale the Thug issue,

time tends to be of the essence.

I'm tapped out. The money i got for

the Jag barely covered his bail.

I am not having this conversation

here with you.

Th-There's an omelette named

after me, for God's sake!

- What's in it?

- You leave that alone! Just go!

- Really? Really.

- I'll follow you. Yes!

Hmm. Well, I'll...

Um, Russ, i'lljust be outside then?

- Oh, God!

- Right?

- Let's go.

- On top of everything else,

they've impounded his baseball bat

as evidence.

He bought it at an auction.

Pete Rose hit with it or some sh*t.

He shouldn't have used it then.

Christ, even a plumber knows...

to take his ring off

before he snakes the drain.

- You screwed up, he got pinched.

- I did not screw up!

I can't control the sexual appetite

of my employee.

I mean, either way,

you're gonna have to pay for it.

Why don't you just do this?

Take... Just get it over with.

Why don't you just set up an

appointment at his convenience...

to come break my legs

or kick me in the nuts or whatever?

You know what? I very much doubt

it'll be the latter.

That's practically

how he treats his friends.

You know, Russ, I've been

thinking about your situation,

and it occurs to me

that sometimes in life...

the greatest opportunities

are sitting right underyour nose.

Only thing under my nose is this mat

with presidents up to Carter.

- Am i missing something?

- The lottery.

Oh, that is so stupid!

You think my playing the lottery

is going to solve all my problems?

Not playing the lottery,

winning the lottery.

You got that lotto ball machine

down at the station, right?

A little razzle-dazzle,

you're set for life.

Gig, i just came off

a botched phony robbery.

Let me bask in that a while before

i start thinking about tampering...

with the f***ing state lottery!

I'm not talking out of my ass here.

- I do have experience with this.

- Really.

Yeah. About ten years ago,

before I washed up

on these golden shores,

- I rigged a bingo game at church.

- Church, huh?

Weighed down a few ping-pong balls,

Bob's your uncle!

I walked away

with a f***ing lawn mower.

- Oh, a lawn mower. Wow.

- This is not Warand Peace,

merely the concept of gravity.

No, no, the concept of gravity...

is when you fall down

and you break your head open.

Well, your glass

is obviously half empty.

No, Gig, my glass is totally empty.

- Watch it!

- Hate you!

- Calm down!

- Bastard!

Calm down.

You're acting like a child.

- Stop! Calm down, please.

- You promised!

- What do you want me to do?

- What's going on?

Everything's fine. Thank you.

She wanted to go. What do

you want me to say? "I'm sorry.

I'm banging the lotto ball girl,

and i promised her first."

I don't believe i bought sandals

in December for no reason!

I'll take you next time. In June,

l have a conference in Seattle.

Take your wife to f***ing Seattle,

all right?

I wanted to go to Maui, you a**hole!

Oh, I'm an a**hole.

Am i the same a**hole...

that takes you out to dinner and

buys you fancy European underwear?

Try to get that

from the weatherman,

who i notice you've been

awfully chatty with these days.

Blow me.

- Is everything okay?

- Yes, everything's fine!

[Man] I'm dreamin'of a white

Christmas

Just Iike the ones

i used to know

Where the tree tops glisten

And children listen

To hearsleigh bells in thesnow

Oh, I'm

Dreaming of a white

- [Fades]

- I have to ask you something.

- What?

- Oh, God. Oh, God.

I don't know how to askyou this.

[ Exhales ]

-Just ask.

- I wouldn't blame you for saying no.

As a matter offact,

i already expect you to say no.

But I need your help

on something.

Aah! We're gonna be millionaires!

I can't believe this!

I have to admit, I thought

it would be a slightly harder sell.

All right, most important thing...

is getting alone

with that machine...

five minutes before and

five minutes after the broadcast.

- That's key.

- That's as key as it gets.

Five minutes before, five after.

Did you hear that, Crystal?

I'm two inches away.

How could I not hear it?

Start taking notes, 'cause when

Gig and i start hashing it out,

there's gonna be gold flying around,

and I don't want to miss any of it.

- The first piece of gold is this.

- Yeah.

I think someone should call in

a bomb scare.

Then the building gets evacuated,

and i'm alone with the lotto balls.

Okay? Are you writing this down?

- When we decide, i'll write it.

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