Lucky Numbers Page #6

Oh, God!

Oh, f*** me. No fried clams?

- Crystal? I know, baby.

- Hmm.

It's insensitive to bring up

something at a time like this,

but I think

we do have a little problem.

What?

Well, with Walter gone,

we have no one

to cash in the ticket.

- God rest his soul and everything.

- I wouldn't worry about that.

- Why?

- I've got plenty of relatives.

In fact, I'll probably see

a lot of them at Walter's funeral.

No. You know,

l wouldn't bring them into this.

- I mean, they've suffered enough.

- [Woman] There's Russ Richards!

He's more handsome in person!

- [ Sniffles ]

- It's times like this you wonder.

You wonder if there's

a higher being out there.

- Maybe it was just Walter's time -

- All right! Key lime pie.

[Rock]

- Hello, Jerry, mate. How are you?

- Gig.

- Wanna hear a cute story?

- I would love to hear a cute story.

You know i got a grandson,

six years old.

- That's a great age.

- Yeah. [ Chuckles ]

He says to me the other day,

he says,

"Pop-Pop, when i grow up,

I wanna be a bookie and run

a numbers racket just like you."

Ohhh.

I know. I melted.

And then he asksme,

he says, "Pop-Pop,

when people play the numbers,

what number do they try to win?"

So i explain to him.

I say, "Sweetie,

every week we bookies,

we get the number from someplace

customers know we can't control."

- And he says, "Like Sesame Street?"

- Lovely that, isn't it?

It's amazing what these kids

come up with, isn't it?

It's amazing. And i say,

"No, no, no, no, not Sesame Street.

We get the number from

the lottery drawing on television,

the last three digits

of the real lotto,

because everyone knows

no one can rig the state lottery,

which means no one

can rig a bookie's number."

- That's right.

- And he looks at me.

You know, big long look with

these big brown eyes, and he says,

"And I bet no one can win either!"

[ Chuckles ]

He's a genius. Kid's a genius.

After all, h-how often

do I have to pay out?

- Once, twice, three times a year.

- If.

If. So, moving right along.

Next day, guess what.

I had 12 people hit the same number.

- No sh*t!

- Yeah.

Which even a six-year-old kid knows,

statistically, it's impossible.

Out of the realm of possibility.

Can't happen.

- I don't know what to tell you.

- Here's the funny thing, though.

When i looked at

the people who picked,

a pattern started to emerge.

- Really?

- Yeah. Your ex-wife.

[ Laughing ]

Your ex-wife.

Your ex-wife's mother.

Her mother's sister.

Your dentist.

Your cousin Vic.

A few other stray crinkly leaves

from the family tree.

They all played variations

on the same number.

- You know, Jerry.

- Hmm.

If it wasn't for the fact

that we are dear friends -

- We are dear friends, right?

- Dear friends.

I would suspect that you

are accusing me of something.

Of what?

I mean, Jesus Christ himself

can't rig the state lottery.

Thank you.

Unless -

Unless Jesus had a buddy

down at the TV station.

- Ahh.

- Ahh.

- Ahh.

- Ahh.

Nah. [ Chuckles ]

A real stumper, huh?

- Yeah, a f***ing head scratcher.

- A f***ing head scratcher.

F***ing head scratcher, mate.

You know, I got some pals

down at the D.A.'s office.

Always looking for

a good head scratcher.

Now, Jerry, you never told me

you had a grandson.

I don't.

[Laughing]

Hello, Dale, love. How are you?

- What you gonna do tonight, Kippy?

- Gonna watch Sports Center.

You're gonna watch Sports Center,

and you're gonna see if Winchell

is still out with the knee thing.

[Jerry] And if he's still out

with the knee thing,

we gotta change the spread

on Detroit, right?

- Right.

- So what are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna watch Sports Center.

- Go home. Watch it. Go. Tonight.

- Good night.

- [Car Door Slams, Engine Starts]

- Oh, beautiful. Lovely. Flat tire.

- Oh, the shark has such teeth

- Kippy? Kippy!

- It shows them pearly whites

- This is just lovely.

- Just a jack knife

- Has old Mac Heath, babe

-Just lovely.

And he keeps it out of sight

- Ah!

- You know when that shark bite

With his teeth babe

Scarlet billows start to spread

Fancy gloves, though

wears old Mac Heath, babe

So there's never

never a trace of red

No won the side walk, huh, huh

Ooh Sunday morning, uh-huh

Lies a body

Just oozing life, eek

And some one's sneaking

Round the corner

Could that someone

be Mack the Knife

Nine!

[ Announcer ] And the sixth.

- Twenty-seven!

- Ooh, twenty-seven.

What the hellis she up to?

You're not smart enough

to pull a thing like this off.

Balls are just laying there.

Hey.

- [ Chuckling ] How are you?

- Hey!

Hey, you're that, uh -

you're the, uh -

- Weatherman.

- Oh, sh*t!

- Hey, I watch you every night!

- Yeah? Thank you.

- Let me give you a hand with that.

- No, it's okay.

- I insist!

- I can carry my own groceries.

Wow, man! It must be great

having a job like yours, no?

Well, it, uh, it pays the bills.

Nah, you guys just read

a bunch of crap from cards, right?

Cold in the east, a storm right.

It looks like rain. Aah!

It's more complicated than that.

Let me askyou - I'm trying to plan

my birthday in a couple of months.

Can you tell me

if it's going to be a nice day?

Oh, right, hey, nice meeting you.

Always great to know a fan.

Your name was?

- Dale.

- Dale.

- Yeah.

- The thug?

So, Russ, i just want to apologize

about the last time we spoke.

I wasn't really feeling good.

I was feeling sort of vulnerable.

I had fear issues come up,

being arrested and all.

- Oh, yeah.

- Plus, I was drinking,

which I'm really not supposed to do,

you know, on the medication.

- Oh, I see.

- Can I have some of these?

- Yeah, go ahead.

- You know, it wasn't a good moment.

I just wanted to make an amends.

Hey, listen, don't you worry.

The truth is,

l should be apologizing to you.

I was gonna call about the $10,000,

but the station got so busy.

Don't worry about

the ten grand, Russell.

- It's water under the bridge.

- Really? Wow!

I didn't know that. All right then.

Okay, let's celebrate.

Yeah, because the new number

i have in mind is about half a mil.

[Spits]

[ Clears Throat ]

Come here, Russ.

- I rather not.

- Russ, come sit down.

- No, no.

- Russ, sit the f*** down!

Okay.

Unfortunately, Russell, we have

a new wrinkle in the situation.

Oh, really? What's the wrinkle?

Basically I had to play pinata

with Jerry the bookie's skull.

- That ups the invoice a little.

- Is he okay?

- No, he's dead.

- Oh! Oh, God.

You know, okay.

I'm really uncomfortable

with this kind of conversation.

You know, not to mention,

I broke my 1986 World Series

commemorative bat.

- Oh, yeah?

- It was a gift from my mother.

She's gettin' a little old, and

she's not feeling good these days.

- Hasn't left the house in 6 weeks.

- Okay, just give me -

You killed Jerry the bookie

with a bat?

It's not like a half mil is gonna

hurt you with that lottery ticket.

- Get me the money, Russ.

- Ohh!

Great, Gig.

We gotta talk about this.

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