Lucky Stiff Page #3

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I'm going to the casino.

Aren't you taking him?

As you must know, Uncle hasn't

specified anything for himself tonight.

So I'm off to try out his infallible

system for roulette. On my own time.

Well, I'll just come with you to make

sure you play the right numbers.

Suit yourself.

Good night, Uncle Anthony.

Ah!

Oh, my God!

My boyfriend's back.

Ah! I look awful!

Look at my hair.

Oh, cleavage okay.

Glasses off!

Okay!

Okay, so I shot you.

But you cheated on me.

Can't we call it even?

No, no, no, no, please hear me out.

You are the only man

I ever loved.

And I am the only woman

who will ever make you happy.

Let's not throw that away, Tony.

Especially now.

We're in Europe Like we planned.

With the money!

And we've got the rest

Of our lives ahead of us.

Ah! Ha!

You got it. Continue.

Bravo, bravo.

Oh, my God!

Chips, chips, chips.

Et bonjour!

Place your bets, please.

How could you do this?

How could you stand there watching

little balls spin round and round

when there are world problems

that need solving?

You are the most selfish person

I've ever met.

Now you listen to me,

Miss Glick.

For the first time in my life,

my luck has changed.

I'm on a winning streak.

I'm not about to give up the

one and only chance I ever had.

Not to a pack of mangy, flea-ridden

mongrels, and certainly not to you.

Yeah!

Mr. Witherspoon.

This is a real gun in your ribs.

Be very, very quiet.

Who are you?

What do you want?

I want you to start moving towards

that door pushing my Tony.

- Your Tony?

- My dead Tony. Now move!

Rita!

What are you doing?

You're not wearing your glasses.

Is that a gun?

- This is Harry Witherspoon.

- Miss Glick, get ready to...

Lunatic!

- Are you crazy?

- You don't shoot a gun in a casino!

Don't fight me!

Help! He has a gun!

Oh, no, wait a minute!

Wait a minute! Wait!

Where is it?

Where are you?

Hurry, that woman was crazy!

Where's the key? Damn!

- That could be her.

- Quick!

Calm, just...

Okay, okay, okay. Calm down.

Please, God, let me

find my glasses!

That woman went into my room.

Security made a big mistake.

Just a misunderstanding.

I feel so silly.

Thank you so much.

I can't believe I locked

myself out of my own room.

- Mr. Witherspoon.

- - I should tip you.

- And...

- Oh.

Schmuck.

No!

Where is he?

Someone's taken him.

Who could have taken him? Oh, my God!

You're insane!

You're a homicidal maniac!

You scared me. You came up behind me.

There they are!

Damn.

- I got to get this thing fixed.

- - Wait for me!

Door, door, door!

Hold that door!

You've won, Miss Glick.

Yes! Yes, I have!

And the dogs will be very happy.

And I am very happy.

Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your very happy

life in Brooklyn with the dogs, Miss Glick.

I'm looking for a woman with glasses,

brandishing a gun, um...

Not really brandishing.

Wild waving blindly.

But there's a huge amount

of money at stake.

Hello.

Why don't you

tell Dominique all about it?

You're very understanding.

But wait. There's a loophole.

Loophole.

- Yes, it's not your fault your uncle was stolen.

- No.

- And you've fulfilled every last one of his wishes up until now.

- Yes.

And there's nothing else

planned until tomorrow morning.

Yes! Yes!

Ergo, Mr. Witherspoon,

you have not yet lost.

Even though technically

I could win on an appeal.

Miss Glick, you mean

there's still a chance?

You have until

11:
00 a.m. tomorrow.

Now come on.

- We're looking for a sweet old man.

- Very dignified.

- Wore a hat.

- - He'll be sitting in a wheelchair.

Have you seen him?

Oh, follow me.

Very good. Very good.

Now, um, cover the right eye,

and the second line.

Ooh, I just... I feel like I should

be going to find my sister somewhere.

Maybe...

Can we just, um...

Please!

We just have to find the maid.

That's all.

But she had a gun.

- The other maid.

- Which one?

The one who took Uncle

and left the sheets.

There's more than

one insane maid around here?

Yes! One has a gun.

One has Uncle.

And there may be others.

Mr. Witherspoon.

Mr. Witherspoon?

Let's be friends, huh?

Rita? Rita?

Rita?

Stop before you do something

we'll both be sorry for.

Rita!

This is your brother speaking.

Wherever you are,

give yourself...

Up.

Pauvre chri, a sister who blames

you for crime you don't commit.

And a little

heart-shaped box.

How much you say is in it?

Her husband will kill me.

My husband will kill me.

Dog Home will kill me.

I'll kill myself.

Rita?

Vinnie, you have allergies!

No! No! No!

Wait! Uncle!

No!

Oh, come on. I don't think we're gonna

find him and we're running out of time.

He could be halfway

out at sea by now

You have something...

Ugh!

You did your best.

Thanks.

Um, you too.

Sorry!

Well,

I should be going.

Uh, Miss Glick,

would you have a drink?

No, I couldn't.

It's an occasion.

How often will we ever lose six

million dollars in one day?

I don't drink very often.

Uncle wouldn't want his

champagne to go to waste.

And besides,

I don't want to drink on my own.

Okay, just one.

To Uncle.

To Mr. Hendon.

- Okay, well...

- Wait.

- I feel another toast coming on.

- No more for me. Really.

Miss Glick, this is...

Dom Perignon.

To Monte Carlo.

Most beautiful place I've ever been.

Probably ever will be.

I'm glad I got to see it once.

So what will you do now?

Oh, go back to

East Grinstead, I suppose.

Shoe salesman, right?

Loafer season

starts next week, so...

Mmm.

And you? What will you do?

Oh, I'm protesting the leash

laws in Prospect Park.

Change of subject.

I have a toast to make.

Then this is an occasion.

I don't remember stars like

this in East Grinstead.

Oh! Hey, look.

Isn't that the Dog Star?

I hope not.

Quick. Make a wish!

No, you go ahead.

My wish would never come

true on the Dog Star.

Then I'll make one for you.

There!

What will I do

without you, Miss Glick?

Get back.

Telegram for Mr. Harry Witherspoon.

Is he in?

I'll take it!

I'm his landlady.

What? What is it?

Shh. Shh.

- Miss Glick.

- Mr. Witherspoon.

Oh, we must have been

very drunk.

- I would never normally...

- This is totally embarrassing.

- I never intended...

- I hope you don't think

that I'm the kind of person

who just goes out and has fun.

I would never think

such a thing of you.

I don't remember

very much, do you?

Uh, not very much.

- How much?

- A little.

Oh, this is very unprofessional.

Yes?

Laundry delivery.

Does this belong to monsieur?

I don't believe it!

Yes, yes, he's mine. Ours.

Monsieur's linens

have been changed.

Bye-bye!

I cannot believe it!

Wait. Where are you going?

To use your bathroom

and then back to Brooklyn.

What do you mean back to Brooklyn?

I've got Uncle back.

Yes, well, Someone else from the

dog home can come follow you now.

Maybe, uh, Mr. Butterworth

or Mr. Chen.

I don't want Mr. Chen.

I want you to chase me.

Well, I've got a million

things to do, you know.

I got...

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