Lust for Love Page #3

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You didn't go home with Franck?

Well,

I don't normally kiss and tell,

but since we're on topic,

yeah, he came home with me.

Anything else

I can learn from him?

Don't be too cool for school.

Be passionate.

That's the new cool.

But Franck's indifferent?

No, Franck's passionate.

About you?

Yeah, he is.

But the question is,

what are you passionate about?

Bubbles?

You didn't want to

take the lift?

Are we allowed to be in here?

Shh!

Ah.

Watch out for the glass.

It's a view.

We're not just here

for the view.

I stopped perving

on my neighbors when I was 12.

Come on.

Wow. They better not be bats.

They're birds.

I'm a birder.

It's a stopover

on their migration South.

They winter in Mexico.

How luxurious.

Tell a story

of a life together

every house an allegory

like the smell of smoke,

it lingers on

memory

been a long

and an uphill battle

had to learn how to pray

never miracles

it's only hope dousing pain

my eyes play tricks on me

line fades

'tween sky and sea

Miles away

the hours of heartbreak

in dark,

they're coming to get me

tell a story

of a life together

Today was so beautiful.

You're beautiful.

As clichd

as a response like that is,

it might actually

get you somewhere.

What about birding?

Is that gonna get me in

with the ladies?

- Why not?

- I think it's awesome.

You're awesome.

The shotgun approach?

Hit on every girl

you come across?

It's a good strategy.

Yeah.

I'll hit on anything

with two legs

so long

as it doesn't have a penis.

What about

the one-legged ladies?

Why should I rule them out?

Less chance of treading on

their toes if we go dancing.

Pretty unlikely

they'll kick me when I'm down.

How do you kick with one leg?

I'll hit on anything

with at least one leg

so long

as it doesn't have a penis.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

It takes time.

Maybe you need a break.

No.

I'm ready

to get back on the horse.

A one-legged horse?

What?

Yeah, good luck.

No, that sounds dangerous.

That's not mine.

Could you hand it

to the server?

Hello?

- Kirsten?

- Yes.

- Ah.

- Hello.

Thank you so much.

Did you leave it here earlier?

- Yeah. Yeah. I'm an idiot.

- I'm sorry.

I was sitting right here

with some friends

just, you know,

not even an hour ago.

I've been here

almost three hours.

- Really?

- Uh, I... how rude.

I didn't introduce myself.

Astor.

Right. Astor, is that Frenchman

over there one of your friends?

That one?

How do you know he's French?

I've never met him before.

I've never... I don't...

who are you talking about?

- What is he smiling about?

- Uh...

Oh, he's an idiot.

Tell me

if I'm being crazy here,

but is this some sort of

elaborate ruse to meet women?

You think it's elaborate?

Good elaborate, bad elaborate?

- Just... just elaborate.

- Okay.

But look,

I've been waiting here alone.

My girlfriend left

like 20 minutes ago,

and I thought

I was doing a good deed,

but, um, it seems this is just

some pathetic pickup strategy.

- Okay. W-w-wait.

- W-wait. Wait.

I'm no good at meeting girls,

okay?

Women.

I'm no good at meeting women.

Does that mean

I'm not worth knowing?

No, I can tell

that you're not worth knowing

by your dishonest theft

of my time.

Hmm?

Oh, my God.

What are you doing?

Is there any correlation between

a guy's ability to pick up

and his quality as a partner?

Uh...

A guy with no confidence

will stay with anyone

and endure anything.

If you never learn

how to talk to women,

you won't have the power

of a choice.

- Mm.

- I love a choice cut of meat.

Oh, no. Oh.

- Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

- No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Mila's friend

is right over there.

Go talk to him.

You have to be friends

with Milas friends.

No, this guy is awful.

- Go.

- Okay.

Jake. Hey, Jake.

Hey.

Who you here with?

My girlfriend's

in the bathroom.

Oh. I didn't know

you had a girlfriend.

New girlfriend.

- Oh, cool.

- Congratulations.

Hey, babe.

Hi, Astor.

Well, you don't waste any time.

- Hey, take it easy, okay?

- No. No. No. No.

She's easy. I suppose you two

just got it on in the toilet?

Did she tell you

that's her favorite spot?

You want to step outside?

- Yeah, I want... yeah.

- Yes, I want to step outside.

I got to, uh, dust off

my knuckle dusters first,

and I'll b...

I'll be waiting for you.

- You're a butthead!

- You're a headbuttee!

What does that even mean?

- Hey.

- Oh.

Ow!

So silly, Astor.

What?

- What happened?

- Is my eye still there?

What? What are you doing here?

- We're with Astor.

- Ow, my head.

Well, then he can tell you

what happened.

- I'm not done.

- Mila, I forgive you.

- Let's just go.

- Come on.

He headbutted me

in the nostril.

- Come on.

- Oh, come here.

I have an orbital fracture.

- What?

- Aah!

- What?

- Ow!

Ow!

My hand!

Ah! Oh!

Oh, this is so embarrassing.

Aah!

Oh, hi.

Uh... Well, h... hi.

What are...

I'm... I dropped my keys,

so, um, would you mind

helping me look for them?

Sorry, 'cause I was like,

"who is this person?"

- Oh, I'm trinity. I'm...

- I moved in just off the back.

- Oh, you... okay.

- I'm Astor. I live right here.

- So, we're neighbors.

- Neighbor.

Yeah, and it's my duty,

apparently.

- Yeah.

- Let me see. Right here, huh?

- Yeah, well...

- Wait. Wait. Wait.

- Is that... is this them?

- Yes!

- Right here.

- Perfect. You're my hero.

Here you are. Sorry.

Why are you

pointing them at me?

- Here you go.

- It's caught in the...

- okay, I'm just gonna...

- Stuck on the...

- Ooh, that's gonna hurt.

- Well, you just... you do that.

Okay.

I never pick up keys that way.

I don't know why I did that.

I-I just pick them up normally,

like...

So, what are you thinking?

- Yeah.

- Well, um, thank you so much.

- Well, it was nice meeting you.

- You, too.

Perhaps, um, I can come over

for a drink sometime.

Or you... you can.

You come over for a drink.

I mean, that's not a command,

but if you want, you have...

you can do whatever you want.

- Sure, that would be...

- That'd be nice.

Um, well, it was good

to meet you, Astor.

What are you wearing

on your hands?

- What? These?

- Gets cold in Philadelphia.

You didn't want to try

boxing hand wraps?

Hey, I'm feeling triumphant,

Cali.

You can try and bring me down.

It ain't gonna work.

Well, power to you,

but can you at least tell me why

you insisted that I come to this

park at this ridiculous hour?

Girls, girls, girls

They grow on trees around here.

You want to hit on girls while

they're exercising in spandex?

Yes, I do.

Feed me a line.

Well, I don't know

how happy they're gonna be

about you

interrupting their workout.

- All right, fine.

- I already thought of one anyway.

- Go on.

- Okay.

I tell them I'm lost...

ask for directions.

Brilliant.

Genius. Well, go for it, then.

I will. See ya.

Good luck.

- Excuse me.

- Hey, um, are you lost?

I mean, I'm... I'm lost.

Franck?

Oh, my God.

I can tell you

that 50% of girls...

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