Lying to Be Perfect Page #4

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These jeans that you

see me wearing today?

Found them in the back of my closet.

Last time I wore them I was 18.

I tried them out and they fit!

When's your date with chip?

We... we're friends. It's not a date.

Oh, but it could be.

Yeah. He's way out of my league.

Why? Because you're smart

and you're funny, and...

Hello! You gonna help me out here?

The lap-band is an inflatable

device placed around the stomach.

...creating a small pouch.

They don't remove any.

...of the digestive system

and it's easy to reverse.

This is way better for

me than a gastric...

Thank you.

...than a gastric bypass.

Well, at least they're not

going to reroute your intestines.

However the procedure is not without

risks. One in 2500 patients die?

I already have high blood pressure. I'm

at risk for diabetes and heart desease.

It's been almost a month

since we started the pact.

And you and Nola have lost weight.

I gained.

I want... Need this.

Of course, you do. And

we're your best friends.

We're here for you no matter what.

Good.

Cause I already have it scheduled

and you guys better be there.

I got your message. What's going on?

Richard Stanson called.

He wants to launch

the book at September.

September? What

happened to late October?

They want the book out before fall.

And it gets better.

Shine is hosting a launch

party for Belinda September 5th.

...and she's not even returning my e-mails.

I talked to the editor at "Go Fab"

magazine and she never ever worked there.

This could be like Jayson Blair

and the New Times all over again.

You're overreading. I doubt that...

What the hell is going on?

It's like she doesn't even exist.

She exists!

You talked to her on the telephone.

She is very shy and the book tour...

I mean, she hates doing

personal appearences.

I don't care.

Belinda's contract specifically

includes promotional tie-ins.

If she doesn't understand that

then she'll have plenty of time.

...to reread the contract she's violated.

...in a little retreat called the

Beacon Correctional Facility.

Now find her.

Go.

I'm thinking of using.

Don't do it. Whatever happened

that'll be okay, eventually.

I'm not so sure about that.

What's wrong?

Can I ask you a legal hypothetical?

All right. Let's say there

is a person. A singer.

What kind of singer?

I don't know. A country singer.

I like country.

Oh, okay, good. So... Let's

say this country singer.

...she's supposed to do a concert

but she doesn't show up.

I'm assuming that concert

people would probably sue her but.

what if she doesn't have any

money? Does she go to jail?

What, like debtor's prison?

Yeah.

Yeah. If Dickens were still alive.

These days they'd figure out something

else. She'd do another concert for free.

Wow. What's going on?

Nothing. I just... I'm

doing research for Belinda.

Right. No wonder you're eating.

What does that suppose to mean?

You do all the work,

she takes the credit.

Not true.

Oh, come on. You've always been

the one to take the broken cookie.

Because you don't think you deserve

the good one. It's like you well...

...you stand in the shadows

while other people shine.

I get it. It's easier to sabotage

yourself stuffing your face.

...than it is to just put yourself

out there and risk failure.

You know, broken or whole

a cookie never rejects you.

When you're ready you'll stand

up. You'll take centre stage.

But until then you need to

find confort without food.

Dear desperate in Duluth,

do not give up on yourself.

You are worth a million times more

than that cheating husband of yours.

Your life isn't over because he is gone.

It is just beginning

because you are free.

Free from the lying,

the deceit, the pain.

You, my friend, can be

anything you want now.

On my honour I will try to do my

best to love my country and God.

...and obbey all the rules

set out in the handbook.

I always feel better after I pray.

That was the "Brownie Promise".

It's still sacred and I

have the badges to prove it.

I think the valium is working.

Honey they're going

to come get you soon.

Thanks for being here,

guys. It means a lot.

Where else would we be?

Paul should be here.

You know what? You're

changing. You know?

And some people are afraid of change.

What's Paul think? I'll

lose a few pounds and.

George Clooney'll want to take me

and the kids to Italy to ride Vespas?

Seriously no, right?

Listen you can't let Paul dictate what

you want. You have to stand for yourself.

I am so going to do that...

...once my stomach has been reduced

to the size of a dill pickle.

I can't believe Paul's not here. Honestly,

I mean, he's just... He's clueless.

So are a lot of men.

Ron's a man. He's not.

Yeah. But Ron's different.

Mm-mm. You're different.

You stand up for yourself.

Not always.

Yeah. Right.

Okay. I'm gonna admit something here.

I think that... Belinda

Apple may be right.

I kinda feel like our

Cinderella pact is working.

You know that I wasn't always like this.

I mean. I used to have a waist and...

Then I started working at Stanson

and there wasn't a day that Ted Fines.

wouldn't stare at my chest or...

...accidentaly grab my ass.

I was like the ultimate doormat.

You never told me that.

That's embarrassing.

Here I am representing employees

against sexual harassment.

while I'm taking it myself.

So you put on weight.

Well, the bigger I got

the less Ted hassled me.

You know, I've lost 21

pounds and I should be happy.

But what if I keep loosing weight

and the harassment starts again?

It won't. You won't let it.

Am I thinner?

Definitely!

Excellent.

I snagged this from the

fashion closet upstairs.

Very nice. It'll look

great with you eyes.

It's not for me. It's

for you date... with Chip.

Again, not a date. A friend thing.

Whatever. You can still look nice.

Your clothes are swimming on you now

...but you b*obs, they still look great.

And this tent look is getting old.

My b*obs look great?

Totally. Chip will be very impressed.

You know, in a friendly way.

Hi!

Hey, you ready? I have a surprise.

My purse, my keys...

What?

You look different.

Good different or bad different.

Definitely... Definitely good different.

Okay, let's see this surprise.

Yeah, come on.

Right over here.

Oh, my god!

Yeah, well I do a lot of

work for the dealersship.

...so they said we could

take it for a test drive.

You brought this for me to ride?

Yeah. I wanted to apologize... Again.

You could've bought me a houseplant.

Come on. Let's take

this baby for a ride.

I can't.

Why not?

She's so beautiful... I...

I can't drive this car.

Well, there is some element

of risk in living your dreams.

Hold on.

You're no longer Volvo-safe.

You are sports car fearless.

Thank you.

Yes! There's something just so

wrong about ketchup on a hot dog.

You sure you don't want anything?

No, I'm good. It's...

I'm kind of doing this

Cinderella pact with my friends.

We're trying to eat healthy,

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