Mac & Devin Go to High School Page #4

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you got to live free.

You got to do you

like I do me.

You dig?

How the f***

did we get here?

We flew, nigga.

You ready to get some ink?

Aw, I don't know, Mac.

You said you wanted to

experience some sh*t, right?

Yeah.

But what if it hurts?

You might like that.

[ buzzing ]

Come on in, dawg.

Man, this spot is crazy.

Yes, Sir.

Now this is where

the sh*t goes down.

You got your sativa,

you got your indica,

and you got your hybrids

over there.

You have know idea what the f***

I'm talking about, huh?

No.

Don't trip.

I got exactly what you need.

Hey, ladies and gentlemen.

I am your friendly neighborhood

weed plant, Captain Kush.

That's right.

And on today's Volume One

of the Captain Kushhopedia,

we will be discussing two

different strains of marijuana.

That's right.

Cannabis Indica

and Cannabis Sativa.

Keep it locked.

Press pause

and I'm whoopin' your ass.

Ah, sh*t, what time is it?

Sh*t, I don't know.

I forgot my books at school.

Books?

I usually start my late night

study session right about now.

I usually start my late night

bong session right now.

Pull that out,

hit that sh*t.

A very popular strain

of the indica plant

is known as kush,

from the Hindu Kush Mountains

of Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Otherwise known as the sh*t

that got Bin Laden caught.

That's right.

Him and his boys

was in the mountains,

and they was shootin'

their guns, bustin' 'em off,

came up on some

of that sweet kush plant.

Smoked it, didn't know

where the f*** he was,

had a Navy Seal bullet

in his head two hours later.

All right?

You smoke it,

but don't get shot.

Light that end right there.

Inhale.

Now take the top off.

Oh, damn, boy.

Damn, boy.

Now if you want less

of a body high,

Captain Kush recommends

one of the sativa strains,

like Green Crack,

Skunk, Train Wreck.

Yeah, that's right.

It's more of a cerebral high.

It's less sedating,

but a good recommendation

if you want to feel medicated

throughout the day.

That's right.

Smoke all motherfuckin' day.

It's safe.

Four, three, two, one.

Shoot it.

Purple.

Kush.

Then you put 'em both together

and you make purple kush.

Purple kush, together.

Yeah, there you go.

As you can see,

the Cannabis Indica

is characterized

by short, blocky leaves.

Kinda like

a Mike Tyson build.

Whereas the Cannabis Sativa

is more long and narrow

like Tommy Hearns.

Yeah, man.

Yes, Sir.

We must take one big pull

from the check...

together.

Now I use boxing analogies...

D-d-d-ding.

because both of them

will knock you the f*** out.

D-d-d-ding.

Rewind.

One more time.

In Volume Two

of the Kushopedia,

we will be discussing

how to properly cultivate

your green room

by supplying your plants

with all of the right nutrients.

That's right.

Mm, mm, mm.

Get high, motherf***er.

I can't go to sleep yet,

I got this new James Bond

sh*t right here, right?

All you gotta do

is just inhale.

Hit that sh*t.

Don't do nothin'

but inhale.

Hit it.

Straight THC.

Can you dig that?

Weed vaporization is

the alternative to smoking

that involves the production

of irritating,

toxic, and carcinogenic

byproducts

by heating the ganja

so its active compounds

boil off into a vapor.

Boil off into a vapor?

Man, who the f***

wrote this sh*t?

F*** all that.

Look, check it out.

There's only two ways

to smoke this sh*t.

The right way,

and the wrong way.

And the right way is like

they say it in the Bible.

Roll that sh*t, light that sh*t,

smoke that sh*t.

They ain't say nothin' about

plug it up in the Bible and all,

vaporize, and make it disappear.

Come on, man.

Two more hits from the bong.

Top this sh*t off.

All right.

[ snoring ]

Pst.

Hey, D-Street!

You want some weed?

There are niggas tryin' to stop

me from smokin' this weed.

I smoke it everywhere.

Anywhere.

All day, everyday.

All herb..

I'm gonna go to Yale.

Smokin' all the weed.

Yeah.

What's up, baby girl?

I'm just lookin'

over this homework

I really need some help

You want to study with me?

That'd be nice.

Yeah.

I wanna go steady

Baby, would you

be my buddy?

And help me with my project

'Cause you are

who I roll with

Honestly, I know where

Take me, boo, you're

the one I wanna go with

Five days out the week

My stay's off the street

It pays to be discreet

Your fragrance is sweet

Honeydew, money due,

but this ain't 'bout no money

This is about me and you,

makin' oh, take it from me

First day of school

I'm lookin'...

Oh, Mr. Johnson.

[ bell rings ]

Hey, yo, Mac.

I know you got that fire.

Let me get some, though.

Yeah, hook it up.

I'll gladly pay you Tuesday

for the weed you give me today.

I know you got that loud, man.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Why don't you swing

some over here, bro?

Socrates said,

"I think, therefore I am".

Or some other famous

philosopher said,

"I am what I am, what I am"

"what I am".

Mind if I...

Yeah.

So, let me ask you something.

You mind when people

call you Knees Down?

Hell no, man.

You know how I got that name?

Mm-mm.

Jenny Billings.

Thank God you're only paralyzed

from the knees down!

You're my white b*tch.

You're my little white b*tch!

I gotta get out of here, man.

Thanks for the toke, though.

Yeah, man.

All good.

Your speech still sucks.

There's some dumb motherfuckers.

Look at this thing here.

Your mama shoulda aborted

that motherf***er.

What the f*** is this?

Another dumbass nigga...

Mac! What's happenin'?

Not much. What's up wit you?

Do you realize that you are

a fifteen-year senior?

Dumb as a box of rocks.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Do you realize that every

morning when you come to school,

teaching the class, your breath

smells like cigarettes,

booty, and donuts?

Okay, come on,

w-w-where my sh*t at?

I don't want to sit and play

all day, man, come on.

Let me show you this sh*t.

This is that thing

that killed John Wayne.

You see that thing

right there?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, come on with it.

Quit playin'.

You gonna get me fired

and you busted.

Look, don't let the wrong person

get this in their hand,

okay, Mac?

I won't, I won't, I won't.

Matter of fact, it's actually

in the wrong hands right now.

Hey, hey.

Don't play with me, boy.

Mac!

Overgrown student!

[ knock on door ]

It's open.

Yo, D-Street, what you

got in the box, nigga?

Our chemistry experiment.

But bigger, I've been working on

this alternative energy source,

which if successful,

could change everything

about how we consume energy

in this country.

Sh*t, the world.

Well, let's change the world.

This is what we're making.

The catalytic ingredient.

I wake up early in the

morning and it feels so good

Damn.

So if X equals the square

root of CQ minus 2X,

then the catalytic ingredient

should yield a brand

new energy source.

And if I plug the lamp

into there,

guess what we'll get?

Bam.

Energy.

You have no idea what

I'm talking about, do you?

Mm-mm.

Let me show you.

What the...?

F***, man.

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