Madame Page #4

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You look like a child.

I'd really like to

spank you.

- (SCOFFS)

- (LAUGHS)

But your dad warned me that you were

rude, alcoholic and unemployed.

Yeah, but I also have some really bad

points. Did he tell you what those were?

You look very elegant too.

- Well, I'm the best in my price range.

- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

- STEVEN:
Fanny you're going to be my new mother in law.

- FANNY:
Shhh!

It's like you and your dad are

the only two men on the planet.

Oh, I see.

Why would you want the egg when

you've already got the goose.

I don't want the goose

and I don't like the rotten egg.

Actually.

Dearest darling Daddy,

and his ageless,

gorgeous concubine.

- BOB:
Steven.

- Sorry. Sorry.

Step-mom, Anne

Thank you so much for inviting me

tonight to this amazing place.

Where generosity

holds no bounds.

Actually that's

who's getting the tab.

(CHUCKLES)

Anyway. Not important.

I digress.

I'd just like to make

an announcement.

My engagement to this amazing,

beautiful, talented creature.

What's your name again?

(WHISPERS)

F*** you.

F*** you. That's an unusual name.

Don't be shy, honey.

STEVEN:
Don Maria.

Your Highness, I would

like your blessing.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

ANNE:
Well, dear guests,

we have the great honor

of sharing the table tonight

with a very young,

talented prodigy:

Gilles Durand and his

master Fedor Krachinsky.

Gilles is only nine years old and needs

to get some sleep because he's playing

a very special concert

in Vienna tomorrow night.

So, we will have dessert in the

music room after we hear some...

Songs my mother

taught me.

Arranged by the master.

There you have it.

Please.

Clean this.

Rub, rub, rub...

You did for

a long time.

Not true, Mandy.

We said hardly speak.

I made them laugh,

madam.

Yeah. Even the scary,

fashion woman.

Madam, you heard that from

the other side of the table?

Dinners are my job.

I can follow five conversations

at the same time.

And do you know what

your job is, Maria?

You don't even know how

to recognize laughter.

You don't know if you're

making people laugh

or if they're

laughing at you.

I mean can you tell the difference

between Hahaha and ohhohohoh.

So actually you

never really laugh?

You were supposed to play the

part of the missing guest.

Silent. Forgettable.

If someone finds out about

this, I will be embarrassed.

And so will they.

That they laughed

at my joke?

Don't you play

the victim.

You know I'm

a life-long democrat.

It's about their mindset.

Not mine.

I'm so sorry, madam.

I had to much to drink.

Wine is so delicious. I've

been drinking it like juice.

Oh, Haut Brion 82 is an

incredible expensive juice.

We should go back before the music

ends, don't you think, madam?

No. No. I think that's

enough for tonight.

You just...

You just go to bed.

Won't they wonder

what happened to me?

Oh, let me

take care of that.

Well, see you tomorrow.

Thank you for

everything, Maria.

Okay, madam.

You don't want me help

the others clean up?

No. Not tonight.

See you tomorrow, madam.

Maria?

Yes, madam?

You look beautiful

with lipstick on.

Thank you, madam.

(DOOR SHUTS)

BOB:
Come on.

Come on. Come on.

ANNE:
Hit harder.

(GROANS)

Come on.

Upsy daisy.

- I can't.

- Upsy daisy.

God you stink.

This is

outrageous behavior.

BOB:
Okay. Okay.

Hey, hey,

look. Look.

Thirteen at the table.

And...

Yes.

Because of Judas.

Thirteen... That's...

That's way it's bad luck.

Where's Maria?

BOB:
Gone to bed.

She was the belle of the ball.

ANNE:
I want him

out of here.

He almost ruined

the whole evening.

But he didn't.

And Maria. God,

I was a nervous wreck.

Did you see

those shoes?

You know what?

Everyone loved her.

Don't ever do that

to me again, okay?

You put me in

a horrible position...

Hey. You improvised.

You pulled it off.

Congratulations.

David Morgan was

flat-out flirting with her.

What's up with that?

Chill. Chill.

Congratulations, I said.

Hey!

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

Hello?

DAVID:
Hi Steven,

it's David Morgan.

Sorry, bonjour.

I think.

DAVID:
You couldn't give me

Maria's number, could you?

Um...

Yeah, yes sure.

Stay on the phone.

I just get her number

for you now.

Okay. Hold on.

Hang on. Yeah.

Maria? Note down your

phone number for me.

Note it down quick.

I'll pay you extra.

Thank you.

Hello?

Yeah, I have it here. Yeah.

689-139-134.

Yeah. Yeah, I will. I'll

tell him you said thank you.

Yeah. Okay. Bye bye.

Hey, Dad,

guess what?

What?

Ah... Nothing.

I just had a bad dream.

That's all.

ANNE:
What about

your French lesson?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Stop it, okay?

I'm doing this

for you, remember?

You're not learning

French for me anymore.

That's plain enough. Sean!

Give Maria back her phone.

"Let me be direct.

"You are amazing.

"Very cool but

red hot too.

"May I see you again?

Text yes or yes. David M."

What?

It's a wrong number, madam,

no one ever text me.

(GASPS)

It's David Morgan.

You're kidding?

He's kidding.

"Excellent. I felt something

the moment we met."

My God!

I knew it.

This is because

of you. And you.

The Oscar

goes to Maria.

Here somebody take this I

think I'm going to throw up.

STEVEN:

Good luck, Maria.

Maria...

This is not funny,

Bob. Shut up.

Did something happen at the dinner?

Something specific?

No, madam.

Nothing specific.

He didn't play

footsie with you?

Footsie?

What is that?

What?

You know. Like...

No, madam.

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

He didn't touch you somewhere?

Or make you touch him?

No, madam.

Oh, God, So what is

this all about?

What? There was

something I must say.

What thing?

I don't know. I felt something

when he looked at me.

Yes,

the Haut Brion.

The thing you felt inside was drunk, Maria.

Nothing else.

Here I'm going to help

you get rid of him.

What is this cell?

Nokia?

You keep it for

sentimental reasons?

I'm going to get you

a new iPhone

for putting up with

David's insanity.

Be kind please, do not insist.

There.

SEAN:
I beat Rose.

Yeah, barely,

I got an eight.

Oh, how great you

are my little stars.

But you weren't even watching

me, you were talking to Maria.

Look I tagged you

all over my Instagram.

How many likes

did I get?

Now go collect

your clubs. Go on now.

Oh!

Meet me at the

Georges V at 9:
00.

Oh, my God.

I am an idiot.

(GROANS) He's excited

by your resistance.

He wants you

in his bed.

But I thought the Georges

V was the movie theater

on the Champs Elysees,

madam?

No, no. Not in this context.

It's a hotel.

Georges V hotel.

A hotel.

BOB:
Steven! Steven!

Stop f***ing around, Steven.

I'll turn you

into a frog.

Oh, no!

Okay. I'll turn you into a

princess but only until midnight.

Then poof!

Abracadabra!

I don't trust her. I think we

should tell David the truth.

No. Not yet anyways.

What do you mean

not yet?

Wait until he

verified the painting.

I don't want him thinking

we're a house full of liars.

God forbid.

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