Madame Page #5

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It's a real

Caravaggio, Anne.

Don't muddy the waters.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

MARIA:
What are

we going to see?

A horror movie,

of course,

so you jump

into my arms.

Madam. Anne,

our friend

she thought it was

the Georges V hotel.

Anne does not know the

first thing about romance.

Listen, Maria, there's something I

must tell you straight off the bat.

I know who you are.

What I mean is I know

who you really are.

Somebody told me

at the party.

I promised

I wouldn't say who.

Oh, my God.

It was Steven.

He wasn't supposed...

Listen.

It's all right.

I don't care.

It makes

no difference to me.

Really?

Yeah.

You honestly

feel that way?

And I have a daughter.

Did he tell you that?

A princess,

I'm sure.

The topic, mi amor,

is closed.

You know they were

supposed to destroy them?

It was a big scandal

at the time.

Like everything new.

People are afraid when they can't

link a feeling with another one.

And how do you

feel right now?

Empty.

Let's make a wish.

Are you okay?

You look sad?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Your mother's never been

so happy in all her life.

Okay.

Now, I will pop this in FedEx.

You will have it by Thursday.

I wish you could

come and see me.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Look.

Ah.

Where were you?

Oh, you know, doing a little

shopping at the Galerie Lafayette.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. Just

starving, that's all.

Maria just asked me if she could go.

She just left.

Mandy is with the kids.

Did she have

make up on?

Lipstick? A skirt?

Excuse me?

There's something very strange

going on with Maria. Trust me.

Okay, can you tell me

about it over steak?

There's this nice bistro

on the corner.

She is seeing him, Bob.

This morning

she came late

and she looked like

she'd been f***ing.

Oh, my God!

(HONKING)

- BOB:
I'm coming!

- Come on, Bob.

Oh, my God. I'd hate to

see if there was a fire.

- You move like a tortoise.

- BOB:
Yeah.

Oh, my God!

Okay. Let's follow her.

Come on. Turn it on.

Let's go now. Drive fast.

Be like the French. Go!

Go! Go! Go! Oh, my God!

Shut up.

Do not talk to me

that way.

ANNE:
You're parking. Go

around the block. Fast. Go.

- MAN:
Bonsoir, Monsieur Morgan.

- DAVID:
Bonsoir.

It's nice, no?

(ANNE SIGHS)

Oh, please, he can't be serious.

Look, Bob, he's taking her to

the Petit Bistro d'Auteuil.

Obviously.

I'm not blind.

That's one of my favorite restaurants.

I mean... (SCOFFS)

At least it's food.

Can we go back home now?

You can fire her tomorrow.

I can't fire her. She run's

the house like clockwork.

Well, you trained her.

She's not a biochemist.

She's just a housemaid.

Look. You don't get it. It takes,

you know, at least half a day

to learn how to fold

my skirts alone,

you know, I mean,

it's a mess.

It's a total

f***ing mess.

I think you're

overreacting.

But I'll talk to her.

Could he be in love with her?

Is that possible?

Well admit it,

she's got a great ass.

Maybe vacuum cleaning's

the new Pilates.

She's terribly ugly.

Right?

I don't know.

She's got

a kind of charm.

Oh, my God.

Now you too.

How about we both go in

there and have our dinner?

Because they would see us.

She's the guilty one,

not us.

(SIGHS) Bob.

It's good.

You see.

Everything's new to you.

You're like

a kid, Maria.

And you have

a play date after dinner

You realize I'm a fervent

believer, David?

Oh, I know.

I hear you calling for God

when you're in bed with me.

Maybe, yeah, I am a kid.

But you, you're a teenager.

Oversexed.

In the worst way.

I'll have you know,

when I was a teenager,

I was going to be a priest.

- Oh, my God.

- You see.

You're doing it again.

Calling his name.

I'm starting to

get jealous, Maria.

ANNE:
It's like

a slow motion car crash.

I've never seen you

this way.

Well, it's like my own

little catastrophe.

She know the color of our underwear.

She cleans our sheets.

She knows when we have sex.

She knows when I throw up.

You're still

throwing up?

Well, not in a major way.

I just want to stay,

you know, sexy.

Hang on.

What are you doing?

Hunting.

Hunting for what?

God, it's not 1878.

(SIGHS)

I wanted to

send you flowers.

What kind of flowers?

Well, give me an address

and you'll find out.

Don't be afraid

of me, Maria.

You and your family,

I give you my word.

Complete and

utter discretion.

Meanwhile...

A gift for you.

Oh, my God.

I can't accept.

They are...

Perfect.

For your hair.

For your eyes.

For your tattoo

my white princess.

That's it. I'm going to

have to tell him the truth.

Don't.

He'll think we were

making fun of him.

I can not afford that.

Come on. Do we have

any money problems?

Absolutely not.

But Monsieur Antoine Bernard and

his museum must have a Caravaggio.

I'm only

too happy to oblige.

That is if it is

the real thing.

We pocket

a kings ransom.

So keep your mouth shout.

(IPAD RINGING)

Finally,

Doctor Schwiman.

Are you all right? I saw your

text about an emergency.

No, I'm not all right.

I'm about to kill that woman.

What's happening?

You in bed?

Yes, I am.

Well, it's the middle of

the night for you.

Are you going to listen or

just make stupid remarks?

BOB:
It's the middle

of the night.

See.

Well, if you'd

call back sooner.

Hello, doctor.

Hello, Bob.

Bob, this is

a private consultation.

Please.

Okay. I just...

(CLEARS THROAT)

I mean, you know, I've had to fight my whole

entire life for everything, even men.

How can this woman, this this

maid inspire such feelings?

Go on.

I feel so alone.

You know, even in a crowded room.

I fell lonely, doctor.

Are you serious?

Tell me the truth, Maria.

What is your secret dream?

Everyone's got

a secret dream.

I gave up on dreams you know.

I have simple desires.

I want my daughter

to be happy.

Oh, tell the truth come on.

Everyone's got a project.

You must have a plan.

Well,

it will sound

ridiculous to you.

Sweetheart,

anything you would say to me will

never ever sound ridiculous.

Come on.

What is it?

I would like to invent the

half pack of baking powder.

Baking powder?

Yes. I cook

a lot, you see

and no recipe uses the whole

packet of baking powder. None.

It's always half

of the packet.

Then you leave

the rest in the cupboard.

But you don't use it

never again

because you're afraid

it got spoiled.

Or you're not sure if it's

a real half remaining there,

perhaps more, perhaps it's

less, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, I get

the point. It's...

It's very smart.

Very smart.

You're a very

unusual woman, Maria.

Yes, I am.

Maybe you could

cook for me sometime?

Invite me back

to your place.

You have

that Velazquez.

I could come and

prize it for you.

You could take me

to Madrid.

I could meet

your family.

I'm brilliant

at graveling.

(CLEARS THROAT)

- Buenos noches.

- (GIGGLES)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Bonsoir, monsier.

Bonsoir. Bonsoir.

Wow.

What's with the outfit?

Well, it was

doctor Schwiman's idea.

It's an exercise to expunge my anger.

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