Madame Page #6

---

Against Maria.

Are you jealous?

Oh, God, stop it.

Anne, you're

a beautiful woman

but that's not why

I married you.

Am I not pretty anymore?

I think you're jealous

because you're insecure.

Of course, I am.

We never have sex.

The world is full of

young pretty women.

And Paris is the worst.

Shhh...

Don't shush me.

We have doctors

orders don't we?

(PHONE VIBRATING)

I must get this.

(PHONE CONTINUES TO VIBRATE)

LAWYER:
Bob, the bank is

breathing down my neck.

Their accounts are running low.

This is it.

We really need

the money from the painting.

How much time do I have?

A month maybe before

the foreclosure begins.

I can't do anything else

without you here.

(SIGHS)

How was your evening?

You scared me, madam.

Is everyone okay?

You're never up

so early.

How would you know?

Well... Sorry. I'm going

to get breakfast ready.

What's in that bag,

Maria?

In this one, madam?

Exactly.

It's a dress from

the dry cleaners, madam.

Mmm.

They gave it back to you like

that with no hanger, no plastic?

It's for the dry cleaner. I wanted to

take it yesterday but it was closed.

Really?

You just said you picked it

up from the dry cleaners.

Sometimes I get confused

because of my English, madam.

Oh, no.

Your English is perfect.

Let me see the dress.

This is the one...

Give me the dress, Maria.

Yes, madam.

It's dirty, madam.

It belongs at

the dry cleaners.

No.

It belongs to me. But I

haven't worn it in months.

And it smells like you with

your cheap vanilla perfume.

I don't smell anything.

(SIGHS)

I trusted you, Maria.

I sat you at my table.

I thought you

were honest.

Just so I know, do you wear my underwear

when he takes you to the hotel?

I don't understand,

madam.

You know I hate it

when people cry.

I'm so sorry.

Just hurry up. The kids are

going to be late for school.

I'm so sorry, madam.

I don't know

what to say.

I'm in love. And...

Please just stop it!

Okay. I am not

your friend.

Try to put an end

to this nonsense.

I'm advising you to think of what's

important for you and your daughter.

Yes, madam.

How is she by the way?

Still very well.

Thanks, madam.

She's got the free style

finals coming up.

Good. Well, I'm really proud to

pay for such a nice girl study.

Really.

I'd hate to have to

be forced to stop.

Yes, madam.

Stop with this phone.

He will not call.

We do not belong

to this world.

He knows who I am.

He doesn't know.

But the world does.

Is that a Filipino saying?

Maria, we serve,

they eat.

They don't love

people like you or me.

We're slaves.

Same as slaves.

How can you say

such things, Mandy?

Are you crazy?

I'm worth as

much as madam.

Even if I bring

her tea on a tray.

We are human beings.

You better

respect yourself.

MANDY:
We work

for our kids.

They will be

strong at study.

MARIA:
But what does

this have to do with love?

MANDY:
Everything.

There's no such

thing as love.

MARIA:
Clean.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(IRON BOX HISSING)

FANNY:
You're showing me the best baker in

Paris as if you know better than I would.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

- Is that right?

- Perfect.

Let me order

something else.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

How do you say

Lemon tart?

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

Non, non, non, non.

We don't, we stop.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(EVERYONE SINGING)

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday sweetie.

MARIA:
Bravo!

Let's play kids.

KIDS:
Yeah!

So...

What do you think?

Boy or a girl?

PSYCHIC:
Well,

Let me see.

You're trying to play

a trick on me here.

I can feel.

There's twins

in there, no?

Oh, my God!

It's unbelievable.

I told you she was amazing.

When there is two I can not

tell if there is boy or a girl.

Isn't it better

than ultrasound.

One of you is worried.

One of you is in love.

You don't have to worry.

He's going to call and ask

you away for the weekend.

Finally, Georges Clooney

is going to call me.

What else?

Well, you should go.

You should say yes.

Life wasn't always nice to you and

will not always be so enjoy now.

I don't know who

she's talking to

but one of you is going

to have a nice weekend.

Maybe it's you.

The woman I'm talking about

knows exactly who she is.

Should we open

the presents, madam?

Are you drunk, Maria?

(PHONE RINGING)

(THE KETCHUP SONG PLAYING)

(SONG CONTINUES)

(GUN FIRES)

You Americans and guns.

We can't fight it.

Well,

they give us guns at ten so

we're not tempted to play with

the toy pistol

between our legs.

And does it work?

The guilt works.

I always have a little

guilt when I'm having sex.

How delicious

that must be.

You must tell me

all about it.

(CHUCKLES)

Et voila.

(MARIA GASPS)

Oh, it's so beautiful.

Is it a hotel?

No, my dear.

It is not.

I want you to witness

my big announcement.

Check.

ROSE:
I'm going

to get you.

What has got

into you?

Let's have sex.

Or let's run away.

We can have

sex tonight.

And we can run away tomorrow.

Now, come on.

ANNE:
What I like about

chess is the vision.

You know where you're going.

But nobody else has a clue.

There is no such thing

as vision in chess.

Only options.

Well, I have my own little

shortcuts, my little lucky tricks.

Lay there for a minute

and smell the flowers.

What is going on?

I can't go in there.

Are you ashamed of me?

Of course not.

David,

you know me.

You know who I am.

I can not mix with these people.

I can't.

Darling, Maria.

It is the 21st century,

Queen Elizabeth has

dinner with Jay Z.

Come on, let's go.

Stefan Zweig said that

he loved chess because

it had nothing

to do with luck.

KIDS:
Maria! Maria!

They're going to be caught

believe me.

- Maria!

- Maria!

Ah! (CHUCKLES)

You're amazing. Does every

child in the world love you?

(SIGHS)

Let's play.

Gentlemen, if I can have

your attention please,

I bring news

from London.

Your painting has

been authentified.

Hallelujah.

Congratulations,

mon vieux.

Thank you.

We have many things

to celebrate today.

First, our friendship.

To our wives.

To our families.

And let's not forget,

Michelangelo

Merisi da Caravaggio.

That rogue.

A master fornicator.

At least he had fun.

Taste it.

It's one of the greatest wines

in the world. Bourgogne.

To life.

Thank you.

They are both with the nice Portuguese

nanny going down for a nap.

Thank you so much.

Oh, my gosh,

you must have the magic touch.

Shazam.

HELENE:
Maria,

tell us about yourself.

The mysterious woman

who stole David's heart.

Or his liver.

His heart is

difficult to steal.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, my heart is easy to

steal but it's hard to hold.

I'm Irish, after all.

When did the Irish become experts

in the affairs of heart?

They're supposed

to be happy drunks.

BOB:
The French do adultery.

And the English do

spanky, spanky.

DAVID:
And the Americans,

they have sex like they're

invading a third world country

and didn't have to

pay for it afterwords.

- (LAUGHS)

- ANTOINE:
I can explain it.

In France we choose adultery so we can

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes