Magic Mike XXL Page #8

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I changed my mind.

So does that mean

you are gonna be on the pole

or you're not gonna be

on the pole?

Because, I mean,

"Dolly Titz on the main stage,

coming up for you, boys.

Get your dollar bills out

and let's brighten up her day"

sounds awesome to me.

Ha ha.

Nice callback, Clitoria.

It's low-hanging fruit.

I can't help myself.

What's the plan now,

then?

Currently?

Yep.

Find the perfect dynamite

for that powder keg upstairs

and... watch it blow.

Okay.

What are we looking for?

Something old and expensive...

To fit in upstairs.

Cool.

They all look the same

to me.

Racist.

Hmm?

1959 Chteau Lafite.

That'll do.

You see, what I hear

is that guy isn't taking care

of his own sh*t.

How are you gonna expect

your lady to trim the hedges,

if you're not willing to...

Prune the tree?

See, I have a three-day

Max-Growth rule.

- Really?

- Abso-f***ing-lutely, ma'am.

Wow.

Pardon my language.

Oh, please.

We got wine!

A basket full of wine!

We got a basket of wine.

You are missing out

on some husband tales in here.

Or ex-husband tales.

Julia and I are trying to lure

Mae and Diana

over to the dark side.

Use the force, Nance.

Come on, Mae.

It's your turn.

Come on, Mae.

Come on, Mae.

We know it ain't all peaches

and roses in that bedroom.

Cone of silence here.

Fine.

I'll go, then.

Ugh.

Here's a whopper for you.

Here we go.

Roger's the only man

I've ever slept with.

Then you are gonna get

more wine.

Yeah.

I lost my virginity to him when

I was 17, and that was that.

Two beautiful daughters,

but only one penis

my entire f***ing life.

Sadly, I was too naive to

recognize that he was a gay man.

Mom,

you don't know that.

Oh, I knew enough.

I knew he really liked it

when I put my fing...

Mom! No. I don't want to hear that.

Hey!

Well, you need to hear this!

It's not so terrible.

Because I pissed away

all of this on one man.

And you are not gonna make

the same mistake.

Got it.

That's why I tell these girls

to play the field.

And don't stop

until you find one

that rocks

your f***ing socks off!

My Motto.

Hear, hear.

Well, you know, Nancy,

that plays both ways.

I think I've had

as good a run as anybody.

But I'd trade all that

in a heartbeat

to come home to a wife, a kid,

people that love me.

That hole is never

gonna be filled.

That ship f***ing sailed.

Wow.

I think my soul just died

a little bit.

I love you, Ernie.

Well, Hank and I have never had

sex with the lights on.

What?

Every time it starts,

he just goes and turns 'em off.

And I try to drop hints,

but, um...

Maybe it's me.

I don't know.

Come on. Never once?

Never.

He's not showing you

how beautiful you are.

No. You're gorgeous...

You know that, right?

She's gorgeous, right?

And I'm not just talking

about the paint job.

I'm not talking about

this vessel.

I'm talking about

what's inside you.

I read energy in my work,

and... and yours is pure and

sweet and loving and nurturing.

You got to talk to him.

'Cause if he's not gonna

worship you,

there's a lot of guys out there

who will.

And the line starts

right here.

Winds around this room, too.

Yep. Absolutely.

You know that, right?

Good. Don't... no, no.

Don't get shy on me.

You need to say it.

I want to hear you say it.

Own it.

Well, I just don't know

what to say to him.

Well, tell him

what your fantasy is.

And make sure he does it

with the lights on.

If he doesn't, then y'all have

a serious problem.

Well, I, um...

When we were in college

and we were falling in love,

we used to listen to that song,

um, "heaven."

Oh, sh*t.

Yes!

I love that song.

Oh, thinking about

all our younger years

There was only you and me

We were young and wild

and free

Will you hold this for me?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Come on!

Now nothing can take you away

from me

We've been down that road

before

But that's all over now

You keep coming back

for more

Baby, you're all that I want

When you're lying here

in my arms

I'm finding it hard to believe

we're in heaven

- Come on, boys.

- Yeah.

And love is all that I need

And I found it

there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see

we're in heaven

Do you feel good?

Yeah, baby.

Whoo!

That's wonderful!

I don't think Hank

can do that.

Doctor's in the house,

baby.

The doctor has checked

into the building.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah!

F***, Ken!

What the f***?

Y'all know

that was my audition song.

What?

Yeah, it was one of them.

It's awesome.

Oh, God,

I just love this f***ing night!

I love it!

I wish we had known you guys

back in our day, you know?

Well, I'd say

it's still your day, ma'am.

Thank you, Richie.

Stand up.

- Oh, no.

- Come on, stand up.

Hey!

Oh, my God.

Just look at you.

You are just perfect.

Damn!

Oh, God.

- Oh, damn, look at you.

- Here it comes.

I hate to be rude, but...

You want to pop the hood.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, my God!

- Mom!

- Oh, please!

Of course you're...

You're eating cake by yourself

when, uh, the fireworks

are about to go off in there.

This isn't concerning at all.

What can I say?

I like cake.

Do you have any idea

what's going on out there?

A lady is about to get...

I don't even know

how to put it into words.

No.

I'm a cookie guy.

What?

Yeah.

It's red f***ing velvet.

I would take a pack of oreos

over that bullshit

any day of the week.

What's wrong with you?

Nothing's wrong.

'Cause cookies are awesome.

Well, I don't think

we have anything more

to say to one another.

Look, if you don't want to talk

about it or whatever...

I don't know

if it's about New York...

But I maybe intuit

that it might be...

I'm gonna start hiding

the kitchen knives in a minute.

Seriously,

it is that obvious.

What's up?

I met a photographer in Miami

at this party I was working at.

He was nice and married

and all of that.

Mm.

Took a look at my photos

and said I had an eye.

Offered me a job right there

on the spot as his assistant.

That's cool.

I mean, did he offer a place

for you to stay as well

that happened to be his house

when his wife was away?

That...

Yeah.

Wait.

Were you there?

I was there, but I was in drag.

You wouldn't have recognized me.

Mm. But I just want to throw

this out there, though.

Um, this might be God's way

of giving you a second chance

at Myrtle Beach.

Mm.

Any God worth believing in

certainly sends you dudes

in thongs when in need.

Or she just knows

that some a**hole in Miami...

She?

Yes, my God is a she.

Um, she just might know that...

I don't know...

Some a**hole in Miami stole your

smile and you need it back.

And I can guarantee you

that strippers will give

smiles aplenty

and make you forget

about New York.

And if that doesn't work, then

there will be 3,000 women there,

seeing as you're not

in a boy phase.

That's quite a pitch.

Mm.

Look, when sh*t's not going

your way,

getting a little crazy

with some random friends

has a way of helping you

sort out your own sh*t.

So I'm your friend now?

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