Mallrats Page #7

- We gotta go.

How can this be resolved?

I would say... yes.

Combine your efforts. That's what I see.

- Let me tell you what I see.

- That's great.

I don't buy her power.

All right, when's my birthday?

Between the first and last...

..of 0ctober.

- D'you hear that?

- Very haunting. Let's go.

Miss Ivannah, why are you

stuck in this dirt mall?

How come you're not in a larger, upscale

setting? You could be raking in the dough.

Believe it or not, some people

still frown on topless fortune-telling.

And, unfortunately, it's

the only way that I'm effective.

- Really?

- It's the third nipple that does it.

- 0h, you have a third nipple?

- What are you talking about?

It's as clear as day!

Look at it, for God's sake!

- You can stare at it. I don't mind.

- No.

Understanding is reached

only after confrontation.

Miss Ivannah, thank you. I can't tell

you how informative you've been.

Thank you very much.

And... don't ever lose that nipple.

I won't.

- Do you have...

- Any other extra body parts?

- No.

- Just curious.

You could double-check me, if you like.

- Really?

- Really.

Come on!

Works every time.

- Whoa! You're gonna what?

- Get on her father's game show.

Are you kidding? Last time we were here,

Svenning had dope planted on us!

He can't touch us once it starts. It's a live

feed. He'd lose face in front of the execs.

- It can't happen.

- I'm gonna make it happen.

''Understanding is reached

only after confrontation.''

- Brandi will respond to confrontation.

- Are you the guy who split with Brandi?

What the hell is your problem? You're

supposed to be the impetuous one here.

- I'm being rational.

- You're scared...

..you might want to win Rene back.

- Rene who?

- 0h, whatever. Just do me a favour.

Meet me by the stage

once the show starts.

- Where are you going?

- Shopping.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Dude, this looks like your mom.

- I've been lookin' for you two.

- We're hidin'.

- In a bookstore?

- Last place anyone'd look for us.

- I need help. You up for getting stoned?

- Look who you're askin'(!)

You, um, looking at that couple inside?

Actually I was just looking

at this little pink number over here.

They look happy, don't they?

- What? The bras?

- No, the couple.

- They look happy.

- I guess, as far as couples go.

You know, it reminds me

of an issue of Spider-Man I did,...

..when Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy

went lingerie-shopping.

..and pumpkin-bombed

the hell out of the place.

But aside from that,

it's pretty much the same thing.

Holy sh*t!

- Aren't you...

- 0h, Stan Lee. Hi.

- 'S up, boys? You guys on this show?

- That's the rumour.

Between hopin' to win, the crowd

out there, and bein' on TV,...

..I'd be scared as hell if I were yous two.

Sure, man. What if you f*** up?

Your friends and family watching.

I'd be piss-scared I'd get a boner

or f***in' fart or something.

He's right. This is live.

Anything could happen.

Shut the f*** up, man.

You're makin' me nervous.

There's only one thing that could take off

that edge, make you feel relaxed as hell.

Make you forget how many people

are staring at you.

And what's that?

Snootchy bootchy nootchies!

The Fantastic Four. Reed Richards.

Can his whole body stretch? Every part?

- Like his...

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

We never tackled stuff like that then,

what with the comic-book code and all.

I can't believe I'm talking to you.

You're responsible for the greats!

- Let's do the list. Spider-Man.

- Guilty.

- The Incredible Hulk.

- Afraid so.

- 0h, man, this is so cool. The X-Men.

- Now that you mention it...

Sh*t, man. You are a god!

Hey, look at that couple.

Boy, they sure seem to be in love, huh?

That's the second time

you've commented on couples in love.

I like that sort of thing.

Tell me, do you have a girlfriend, Brodie?

Had one. We just broke up.

The Thing. Is his dork made of

orange rock like the rest of him?

It's a superhero secret. Tell me, why

did you and your girlfriend break up?

She was a pain in the ass. She wanted

me to be a typical boyfriend guy.

Said I was too into

my own world of comics.

Yeah, I can relate.

There was a time when

it was all about comics for me.

I had a girl, probably the same as yours.

She always complained that I spent

too much time with my own comics...

..and eventually we broke up.

See? What did she know?

You're a legend in the field now.

- Probably had a slew of women since.

- 0h, lots of women.

Jagger and me, we had a running

contest to see who had the most.

Matter of fact, last time

I looked, I was way ahead.

- Damn, that's hot!

- But I never forgot that girl.

Did you ever get back together with her?

I had blown it. I had missed my window.

No way. What'd you do?

I went on with my life.

I created some special new superheroes.

They were characters that reflected

my own heartbreak and my own regrets.

- How so?

- Doctor Doom wears body armour...

..to conceal his own mangled form, right?

Yeah.

The Hulk. A normal guy one minute,...

..a rage of emotions the next.

Just like me when I thought

about what I'd given up.

So you created each character as

a way to deal with your one big regret.

Yeah. The girl that got away.

Look, do yourself a favour, Brodie.

Don't wait, because all the money,...

..all the women, even

all the comic books in the world,...

..they can't substitute for that one person.

- I dunno. All the comics in the world.

- Trust me, true believer.

- Well, good talking to you.

- Keep up all the good work.

You keep reading 'em,

I'll keep writing 'em.

- Hey, Stan.

- Yeah?

- She really meant that much to you?

- Brodie, I'd give it all up, all of it,...

..for just one more day with her.

Take care.

- Stan!

- Hi.

- Hey, I think he bought it.

- What kinda story you give him?

It was the Vulture's soliloquy from

the Spider-Man anniversary issue.

- ''Love Be a Vulture Tonight.''

- Yeah, well, I can't thank you enough.

you oughta get him some help.

He seems to be really hung up

on superheroes' sex organs.

- But he'll outgrow it.

- I'll look into it.

I think I felt it move.

- Just kidding.

- I need your help.

Lend me that tape of Shannon Hamilton.

The future of my relationship rests on it.

- It's at my house.

- Take TS's car. The station wagon in 2D.

- I don't have a licence.

- Just go.

You still got that stage schematic? I need

you to wire something together for me.

- Jesus, what's with him?

- I don't know. I'm not feeling too well.

Yeah, but everything is fine.

We're about to start.

really special tonight, gentlemen.

I have lined up...

- Excuse me.

Jesus.

Sorry.

I've lined up some

really bright kids here...

..and this promises to be a lot of fun.

I'm sure you're gonna love it.

- Should you be in bed or something?

- No, I wouldn't miss this...

..for the world.

Go and make sure everybody's

ready and let's start, huh?

Uh! 0h, no, no, no.

- How much did you smoke?

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