Man of the Year Page #10

to this desk.

The first time I sat behind it,

I had a sort of nervous chill.

Some of the greats and not-so-greats

have sat here.

Please.

Thank you.

Excuse me, Mr. President.

- Hello?

- Tom? Tom?

Eleanor? Hold on.

Mr. President, I'll just be a minute.

Thank you.

Tom, t-t-two guys broke into my hotel room.

I don't know what to do.

Who? Who are they?

They're connected with Delacroy.

I think they know I broke the code.

- Code? What code?

- I figured out what caused the computer glitch.

- Where are you now?

- I'm in a shopping mall.

- Shopping?

- No, I'm not shopping.

- Why are you there?

- I didn't know what to do. I thought this was safer.

Mr. President-elect, I'm on a bit of a tight schedule.

- Listen, Eleanor, I'm with the President.

- What?

I'm with the President of the US

in the Oval Office.

You're with the President?

You're in the Oval Office?

Look, Tom, I don't know what to do...

Hello?

Tom? Hello?

Hello?

Sorry, sir.

Wow.

It's been a pleasure, Mr. President. Thank you.

By the way, Mr. Dobbs,

I never thought you had a chance.

I underestimated you.

Well, just between you and me, Mr. President,

you didn't underestimate me at all.

Really? Why?

Oh, but that's so weird.

I never said anything to him.

No, he said stuff to me.

Like, what am I gonna say back?

But seri... Hold on a sec.

Hi. Sorry to interrupt.

I need a charger for this phone

that I can plug into my cigarette lighter.

We don't stock the charger for that anymore.

How long have you had that phone?

Well, it's not like it's a relic.

It's a year old.

Well, there is a problem -

it's a year old.

Mr. Stewart would like to see you at Delacroy.

- Why does he want to see me?

- He just wants to talk to you.

Reasonable people

can come to reasonable solutions.

You figured out the computer glitch.

You should be paid.

The Delacroy jet is at the private terminal.

I got her.

Get in.

Get in.

Sh*t!

Yeah.

I'm tracking her on her GPS.

Uh-huh.

Yes, first opportunity I get

I'll pick her up, bring her to the airport.

Uh-huh.

The FBI will confirm that you had no contact

with Eleanor Green prior to the election.

You're off the hook in terms of being involved

in any attempt to fix the election.

Sir, we've got to get you to the airport a little earlier.

A storm front is moving in.

Oh, for God's sake.

Well, after Saturday Night Live tonight,

then I'm gonna be heading on.

Why so soon?

Well, Menken thinks it's for the best.

No sense postponing the inevitable.

Will you be disappointed to go back to television?

Oh, no. I have a glorious

love-hate relationship with TV.

- How so?

- TV scares me. It makes everything seem credible.

Why is that so bad?

If everything seems credible,

nothing seems credible.

TV puts everybody in those boxes side by side.

On one side there's this certifiable lunatic

who says the Holocaust never happened.

Next to him is this noted, honored historian

who knows all about the Holocaust.

And now there they sit, side by side.

They look like equals.

Everything they say seems credible. And so,

as it goes on, nothing seems credible anymore.

We just stop listening.

In the Times, 60% of the voters

would've voted for Dobbs if they could.

Well, yeah. He sounds different.

That's why they can hear him.

Hello?

- My cellphone died and some guy is after me.

- I thought two guys were after you.

- No, this is someone else.

- Who?

I assume he's from Delacroy.

He has a pickup truck.

Eleanor, I... I think you need help.

He tried to abduct me from the mall!

In the mall. OK.

I think it has to do with the fact

that I figured everything out.

She's in a phone booth off Route 173.

You see, Mills and Kellogg both have double L's,

but Kellogg trumps him with double G's

and you trump him with double B's.

I don't know what that means, Eleanor.

Listen, where are you?

I don't know. I don't know where I am.

It's dark, there's a factory,

I see a Christmas tree...

I don't know where I am.

- What do you want me to do now, sir?

- I'm willing to offer her big money. Big money.

She's running away now?

Why is she running away?

She's impossible. I don't know who she's talking to,

what she's saying.

All right, go to the airport.

You go to BWI private terminal.

There's a plane there. We'll get on that plane, I'll take

you to New York and we'll solve your problem. OK?

Private terminal at the airport?

I don't know how to get to the airport.

All right, I'll try.

I'll look in my GPS or something.

Hello? Eleanor?

More on that breaking news.

There has been a very serious traffic accident.

It is tying up traffic out on the Baltimore-Washington

Parkway just where it meets Route 495,

and that is the Capital Beltway.

There has been one serious injury. Police have

identified the injured woman as an Eleanor Green.

Oh, my God.

- If that sounds familiar, it's the same Eleanor Green...

- Menken!

You have to see this!

Sir, we just got a report of an accident.

It's Eleanor Green.

Not now, please.

Excuse me.

Are you with the ambulance?

Eleanor Green?

- She's in a stable condition, sir.

- Thank you.

Oh, sh*t. Why does he have

to get himself into this mess?

Kid driving the truck is from Pittsburgh. Apparently

he lost control on the ice, went right off the road.

- Tom, we've gotta get to Saturday Night Live.

- There's time.

Double B... double L... double G.

Double B, double L, double G.

Double B...

double L... double G.

Double L, double G...

They're trying to discredit her.

She's not psychotic, OK?

I believe her, for Christ's sake. Look what they did.

Last night you were willing to give it all up.

Now you want to do it again.

Police said a truck lost control.

- She was trying to tell me something.

- It was snowing.

She said she knew what the computer glitch was.

Now it'll be a couple of days before we can find out.

Where's the proof?

Give me something to justify what she's saying.

We don't have time to keep playing this game.

She was trying to explain it to me.

But it didn't make sense.

She kept saying, "Double B, double G, double L."

It's like a code.

Whatever the hell happened,

we'll never know for sure.

Only one thing remains true -

you're the President.

You're either getting on that plane or not.

Tom, come January 20th,

the White House is yours.

Nothing can change that.

No one can. Except you.

You coming?

From Studio 8H in the Rockefeller Center,

it's Weekend Update

with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler!

- Hi. I'm Amy Poehler.

- I'm Tina Fey. And here are tonight's top stories.

A Malaysian man,

famous for pulling planes and buses with his hair,

died this week of heart complications.

Tragically, he would still be alive

but he insisted on pulling his own ambulance.

Hey, I just went through the cue cards,

and you're gonna kill.

It's gonna work like a charm.

Don't worry about a thing.

Do a couple of those Eleanor Green jokes

and we get this stuff way, way behind you, all right?

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