Man of the Year Page #5

What's new?

He used to do that during my act!

Hey, pick up a couple of cartons of cigarettes

for Menken. They're cheaper on the road.

You're so thoughtful.

- It's my middle name.

- Compassion.

Exit polls are very close.

Kellogg and Mills are running about even,

with Dobbs at around 17% of the vote.

As you can see, President Kellogg is winning by

a small margin over Senator Mills in Rhode Island,

Connecticut and Massachusetts.

But in all three states, the numbers are very close.

See the numbers?

The computer glitch is happening the same way.

It looks as if Delaware now is going to

President Kellogg by a very close margin.

- What do you mean, it's not computing right?

- Something's wrong.

An unusual turn of events in Virginia:

with now 87% of the vote in,

comedian Tom Dobbs is leading.

That will surprise

more than a few of the experts.

The Dobbs numbers have been increasing

since the last debate.

Most of the polls had him with 10 to 11%.

So, if this vote holds true in Virginia,

Dobbs is going to surprise a lot of people.

Yeah!

Ding-dong!

- Ready for your pia colonic?

- What are you doing here?

Thought I'd spend the evening

with someone who gets on my nerves.

- How about Virginia?

- Virginia's OK, but Debbie... Such a slut!

A little intensive care package here.

Red wine.

- A good month.

- Yes.

OK. A little cheese and pt -

always good after a heart attack.

Sit.

Comedian Tom Dobbs has won

New Jersey as well as Virginia,

a blue and a red state,

which indicates

that his message cuts across political lines.

It's gonna be interesting.

You're not gonna win this election,

but at least you didn't go gently into the good night.

From all the signs tonight, that Delacroy

voting system has worked extremely well.

We're not hearing anything about

long lines at the booths or other snafus.

It seems that this has probably straightened out

some of those voting problems of the past.

- Excuse me.

- Hey, Eleanor.

- Have you looked at these numbers?

- Yeah. Yeah.

I emailed you. I told you I thought

there was something wrong with the system.

- I was told the glitch was limited to my computer.

- Yeah.

What? Are you calling me a liar?

No. All I'm saying is, these numbers, these results,

this is what I mentioned to you in my email.

- Why did you decide to test the system?

- I don't know.

- Why'd you need to run a test at such a high count?

- I don't know.

If you found a system error,

how were we gonna fix it?

- I'm not sure.

- Look into your soul and ask yourself this:

why would you test the computer at such limits with

so few days left to fix a problem if you found one?

I... was just double-checking.

Do you want to destroy this company?

Because that's what you may do.

You understand the ramifications. Do you want to put

over 1,000 employees out of work?

- Do ya?

- But the election will be a fraud.

Here it is:
the people are voting, there is

an election, the democratic process is working.

The only sour note? They won't end up with

the person that they voted for to be the President.

But we can celebrate the process. The democratic

process which we hold so dear will have worked.

Everybody's gonna be satisfied.

Unless somebody discloses

indiscriminately, willy-nilly.

It will appear democracy is in the shithouse,

and by tomorrow Delacroy will be nonexistent.

- Now, was that your motive?

- No.

America votes, a leader is chosen.

But one thing could disturb this beatific vision.

I... I just want to be truthful.

Perception of legitimacy is more important

than legitimacy itself. That's the greater truth.

Don't f*** with our democracy.

Don't undermine our way of life.

Every American believes their vote counts.

Now you wanna tell them that's not true?

But the results of the election will be wrong!

One candidate will win because of computer error.

- How do we know that?

- I'm telling you!

Based on what? Guessing.

Listen, this is your project, Eleanor.

If you wanna tinker with it for a future election,

it's not only your prerogative, I encourage you.

The Delacroy voting system is your baby. You're

a perfectionist and you wanna make it more perfect,

but do it alone and with an eye to the future,

because it is the future that interests us.

Now is the past.

As I understand it, there's no problem.

And?

And...

- I tell you, they seem to like this guy Dobbs.

- Oh, Danny, please.

- So this is all part of the same computer error?

- Yes.

I'm going home.

Well, I don't know if she's enrolled in the program,

I'll tell you that.

What does my legal counsel suggest, then?

I'm gonna make a phone call.

There was some research done

saying more and more people

are getting their political news from Leno,

Letterman, Jon Stewart, Tom Dobbs and Bill Maher

more than from newspapers

and actual news programs.

There you go. My thoughts exactly.

You're kidding me? Aw, come on!

It should be on the news any minute.

It looks like we're gonna take North Carolina!

What? And Indiana? You're sure?

Oh, this is so insane. Insanity, it's sweet insanity!

And Indiana goes to Dobbs.

It's just been confirmed

that comedian Tom Dobbs has won Arizona.

If I'm correct, comedian Tom Dobbs has won

every state where he's been on the ballot.

Comedian Tom Dobbs wins the Sunshine State.

So New York wants a comedian as President.

Comedian Tom Dobbs...

Another big win for Dobbs.

With 99% of the vote in,

comedian Tom Dobbs has won Texas.

The funnyman has conquered the Lone Star State.

According to my calculations, comedian Tom Dobbs

has got 146 electoral votes right now. He's got 'em.

There are five more states to be counted

where he's on the ballot, out of the 13 to be counted.

And it's possible, if he takes all five states,

that could put Dobbs over the top of the 270 needed.

I believe I've got my figures correct, but it's a

possibility - not a likely possibility, but it's a possibility.

This is the happiest night of my life...

and I can't stay awake.

Our exit polls have only in some cases

proven accurate.

Perhaps voters are keeping their voting choices...

...close to the vest.

Now, Senator Mills has very strong numbers,

but not strong enough to beat President Kellogg.

In fact, the incumbent has beaten Senator Mills

in every state where they've been going one-on-one.

...they are still confident of an election victory.

Tom Dobbs has been gaining momentum

since the debate.

Now, right after the debate,

there was a mixed reaction,

but what we've seen since then is that the public

apparently sees him as a candidate for change.

He has been formidable,

as we've seen in these numbers...

We are now going to go live back to Election Central,

where Chris Matthews is standing by. Chris?

Hold on to your hats, folks.

Tom Dobbs...

Comedian Tom Dobbs

is the next President of the United States.

At 01:
23 East Coast time,

comedian Tom Dobbs

has been elected President of the United States.

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