Mancation Page #3

I'm not in love with you.

I don't even like men,

in general.

- D*cks are gross to me.

- Oh yes.

There, i said it.

Can we not have this conversation

While you're inside

of someone?

I can't believe

this is happening.

Deal with it.

I needed a husband

to keep the trust fund,

And you?

You needed to marry

the boss's daughter

To get ahead

in the company.

Isn't that

all you wanted, vince?

No.

That's news to me.

So... So what then?

That's it.

I called you guys

and came here.

I know. I mean,

but after you found them,

- What'd you do?

- Nothing. I got out of there.

What, seriously? You didn't

even attempt to get in on that?

What kind of hardware are we working

with? Like jelly chocolate dream

- Or f***ing hammer of thor?

- Adam!

I'm the only one that

thought of it? No way.

- My wife's a lesbo.

- No, she's not a I...

Welcome to the wonderful

world of adultery.

It happens all the time.

- I don't... I don't think it does.

- You know what?

Would you guys stop

trying to cheer me up?

You're all

pretty terrible at it.

- Best-Laid plans, right?

- What?

"Of mice and men. "

"The best laid plans

of mice and men. "

What? What is that?

Like, a beatles song?

"The best laid plans of mice and

men often go awry. " You guys are...

The worst.

I had it all planned out...

Grad school,

Work my way up the company,

Top floor,

corner office.

Then the boss's

f***ing daughter

Throws her tits in my hands

at a christmas party.

She's cool

with the sham marriage.

She's f***ing hot.

You're the boss's son-In-Law.

What... What's the problem? It's

not like you love her or anything.

Yes, i do.

I married her, didn't i?

- Why don't you just get it annulled?

- No, i can't.

I can't get annulled

or divorced or whatever.

I just can't. If vanderplatt

finds out that his little princess

Isn't just completely perfect, he'll

have me fired at the very least.

- I mean, for all i know, that guy'll

have me killed. - You... You blackmail her.

- You tell vanderplatt about the...

Are you kidding?

Did you not just listen

to a single word i just said?

- Yeah, top-Notch commiserating,

adam. - Oh, f*** you, junior.

- Stupid.

- Guys!

I had it all planned out.

- So...

- You guys, you know what?

I'm sick of you, vince,

talking about your plans.

That's what got you in

trouble in the first place.

Plans are for people who

choose to limit their options.

You know what? We gotta

do something spontaneous.

Something just out

of the norm. No plans.

- Yes, hookers.

- We gotta go somewhere.

Pick a place, anyplace,

because you know what?

In the next 48 hours,

it's really really crucial

That you get laid. I know

from experience, all right?

You just gotta do it,

so pick a place.

I can't. I can't go

anywhere, let alone somewhere.

I mean i have the biggest

meeting of my life on monday.

No, we're going somewhere in

the next five minutes, okay?

Or you know what?

If you really want to,

Maybe you could just go home,

lay on your couch,

'Cause you're not gonna be laying

in your bed. 'Cause you know why?

'Cause your wife's

gonna be there.

She's gonna be there

with her maid of honor...

Licking a lot of puss, taking

the tugboat to tuna town

Fishing for trout.

She's gonna be scissoring

the maid of honor.

What's it gonna be?

# Always on the wrong side

# Always on the wrong side

# Of the world...

Atlantic city.

That's what

I'm talking about!

Keys.

Come on.

Good job.

# Your mind,

my heart's desire #

# Are intertwined,

my lover's eyes... #

No. Really?

What'd you say?

You told him...

She told him she's not

his property anyway.

that's right. That's

what you gotta tell him.

I know. I understand.

It's not. Okay.

All right.

Okay. Bye-Bye.

Uh, so it looks like

everything's all booked up...

Every hotel, every motel.

Nothing's vacant. Evidently

there's a flower show in town

All weekend

and everything's booked.

F***ing flowers.

Hang on. I got this.

Dan. Yo, what's up?

It's adam.

F*** you.

What? No.

No no, you left

with that girl, not me.

- F*** that.

- What's that?

Oh yeah yeah, she was...

- Oh, nothing.

Just putting together

some stuff.

Oh yeah, i still did,

but i actually...

- For work?

- Uh, yeah. For work.

What was that?

You guys are...

We're gonna make it back

by monday morning, right?

- You have my word.

- What are you doing this weekend, man?

- Just relax. And why atlantic city?

- Are you at your place?

I thought you wanted to go

someplace where it's kinda quiet...

- yeah yeah... kinda

clear your head or something.

Um, something

spontaneous, right?

All right, cool.

Done deal, b*tches.

My boy dan is not gonna be

at his timeshare all weekend

And is totally cool

with us crashing there.

Yes. It is on like

donkey kong, b*tches!

Hey, here it is.

Atlantic city, baby.

About f***ing time!

- Pull in there. I gotta stock up.

- Right.

Hurry up.

Hey, you...

You sure you wanna do this?

Yeah.

I mean, 'cause if you don't,

we can go back home. It's cool.

No no, I'm...

I'm ready for this.

Let's...

Let's have some fun.

- Are you sure?

- Absolutely.

'Cause if not, i would've

called you a p*ssy

And i would've drove

into town anyway.

- Thanks, you're a... You're a good friend.

- That's what I'm here for.

- What the f*** are you doing?

- Stocking up.

Atlantic city is not

a frisbee-Throwing,

Sunscreen-Wearing

douching party.

I don't know how you

b*tches do it up in brown,

But you're in the big

leagues of partying down here.

You should start acting like it.

There.

- "The society page"?

- Yes.

- Really?

- Study it, know it, only map you need.

Adam, this is nothing but photos

of drunk girls in random bars

Posing with the previous

week's "society page,"

Whose cover is

a drunk girl

Posing with the previous

week's "society page. "

It's like

an escher painting.

All the news

that's fit to print.

Uh...

boom.

Two boxes. Come on,

who are you kidding?

Don't get a twist.

I'm not a manwhore.

I just prefer to double-Bag

it in these short towns.

- stop.

- These b*tches be skanks...

And they also

like the added girth.

Well, me too.

Oh crap.

It's vanderplatt.

What do i do?

Don't answer it.

Don't... Don't...

- Hello, mr. Vanderplatt.

- Or do.

Vince, I'm not

interrupting anything, am i?

- No, i just stepped out to get some...

- Divorce papers.

...Milk.

- How's my little girl?

- Cyndi? Oh yeah, no, she's...

- A lesbian.

...Uh, great.

- Listen.

I got a little bit

of a problem here.

I'm with the yakitoris

And they wanted the real

philadelphia experience,

So of course i bring them

out to tony luke's.

- Yeah. - However, i can't

seem to communicate to them

What a cheesesteak is.

That is a tough one.

You know, these bastards

will eat pickled poison,

- But i can't get them to eat a fricking

cheesesteak. - Stay right there.

- What? - How do i... What's

the translation for cheesesteak?

Uh yeah, well,

that's a tough one.

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