Mancation Page #5

because I've done some top-Notch recon.

According to their

facebook profiles,

I've narrowed it down

to three lucky ladies, okay?

Meredith...

She is first up.

Her relationship status says

"it's complicated,"

Which means that you can

definitely have sex with her.

You just gotta get her drunk,

get a little your knee.

Okay. Also, we have jane,

Who's in the corner

over there.

She actually just broke up

with a guy named eric.

And now eric was a

real nice guy. Too nice.

You gotta call her an idiot, a schmuck,

maybe tell her that her thighs are really fat.

Also we have chelsea. She was

actually dating an a**hole,

So you gotta be

on the flipside of that one.

Be really nice with her,

but be very careful,

Because she's on her period, so you

might wanna be trolling for colon.

Okay, get in there. I got three other

ladies that are f***ing whack jobs

- And they love to get bl...

- Brady. Brady, listen,

I'm not interested, okay? I'm

not interested in anyone in here.

None of these girls

are even my type.

I'm... I don't want to talk

to a girl tonight,

Let alone a girl

who's gonna...

Okay, i'll be right back.

Okay? I'll be right back.

Why do you gotta

start sh*t, biatch?

Fight! There's gonna be a fight!

Boots, take my pelt.

- Fight fight fight fight!

- Rebecca!

Fight fight fight fight

fight fight fight fight!

Dude, seriously.

Come on, relax.

We can all talk about this.

Let's be rational, all right?

Ladies, is it just me or is this

one's pants bulge unimpressive?

You're f***ing dead!

I'll kill you!

Hey hey.

Whoa whoa whoa!

- Yo, guys!

- The big one is all mine!

- Divide and conquer! Bring him down!

- Come on!

- What are you doing?

- Come on.

Look, you're all acting

like children.

Violence is not the answer,

okay? Violence is not funny.

- Oh god!

- Douche.

I say we get

some tec-9s,

Roll out looking to pop

hollows in that kraut bastard.

Look, guys, i don't

think he's a german.

He's actually

russian, dude.

I don't care if he's the president

of f***ing england. He's a dead man.

Guys, uh, shut up.

- Hello? Hello?

- vince! Vince!

This big american cow grease...

It's a huge hit

with the japanese. Huge!

You've done it again, vince!

# I like girl that wear

abercrombie & fitch #

# I'd take her

if i had one wish... #

Great. I take it the yakitoris

are having a good time?

Oh god, yeah!

They're a great bunch of guys!

Excellent. So have you

given anymore thought

- To what we talked about this morning?

- You know, actually, vince,

- I really have.

- And?

I'm still gonna bankrupt

the bastards,

But it's not gonna be

as much fun, i don't think.

# Think it's fly

when girls stop by #

# For the summer,

for the summer... #

Uh, sir, I'm sorry.

Can you hang on one second?

I have another call. Actually, is

there anything else you need from me?

How do you say "hooker"?

- I'm sorry?

- Ah, forget it. We'll figure it out.

# New kids on the block had

a bunch of hits #

# Chinese food

makes me sick... #

Okay.

- Hello.

- Hi, it's me.

- Hi. Your dad says hi.

- Where are you?

- Like you even care.

- Of course i care.

Don't be silly.

You're my husband

and i love you.

You... You mean that?

No.

I'm just really good

at lying.

You are a monster.

- Put a cap in her too.

- No. No caps, okay?

No tec-9s. No rough

riding and gang banging.

All right? We're down

here for one more day.

Just forget about her.

Forget about the russian.

I'm going to bed early.

I suggest you all do the same.

Hey, man.

I don't do bright

or early.

Well, this isn't

about you.

Listen, there's a lot

of hotspots i wanna hit,

So i got us on kind of

a rigid schedule,

But it's nothing

we can't handle.

- Please stop yelling.

- After this, we'll hit the outlets,

And then I've got us doing a

quick nine-Hole of miniature golf

Before we go have lunch by lucy

the elephant. I made reservations.

- You're welcome.

- How are you this f***ing chipper?

It's seven

of morning o'clock.

What do you mean,

rigid schedule?

I thought the whole purpose

of this outing

Was to inject

something unexpected,

Throw a little fun

in your life.

Okay, you guys know me.

I like knowing what

I'm gonna do, okay?

And i can't be happy

unless i do.

It's really not

that big a deal.

It is, but it isn't. I mean

you can't just plan everything.

Have a little spontaneity

in your life, all right?

- It can't hurt.

- If I'm not mistaken,

Vince didn't actually plan

to turn his wife

Into a box-Chomping

carpet muncher

And that happened on its own,

didn't it? That looked like it hurt.

Yeah, you've got a point.

But you know what?

I thought the whole point

of coming here to atlantic city

Was to go out, have a great

time, be with your buds...

Just to have a great time. I

don't understand what you're doing.

You wanna go fricking shopping.

You wanna go to outlets.

What if i like the outlets? I do. I do.

I like the outlets.

I like bargains.

I like shopping. I like not

wasting each minute of the day

- And i especially like the

handmade candle store. -

My god, that is the lamest

thing I've ever heard!

Can we just get

our d*cks wet?

Would you keep it down?

We're in public.

What, her? Like she's

little miss proper?

Would it kill you to have

a little decency?

Trust me,

that chick's a skank.

There's no father.

- Keep it down.

- That kid was probably the byproduct

Of every single member

of def leppard.

He's... Ma'am, I'm so sor...

Why do you always have

to be the loudest

A... sshole in the place?

- And it gets old real fast.

- Leo, relax, okay?

- That's just the way he is. - Just

because that's the way he's always been

Doesn't mean he gets a free

pass for being a piece of crap.

Adam, you may have gotten away

with that in college,

But you're a full-Grown man now,

so start acting like it.

What? How? Like you? Like

a little b*tch all the time?

- No no, i'll pass.

- I'm not a little b*tch.

- I'm not.

- It's okay.

One in 12 men was born

with a vagina.

It's perfectly natural.

Vince, i don't know how

you can stand this guy.

I've forgotten how much

of a child he is.

- What, you think you're better

then me or something? - Yes, i do.

And maybe if you'd act like

a respectable human being

For a day,

you would understand why.

And maybe if you pulled

that pinecone

Out of your a**hole

for one day and let loose,

You'd see the world needs people

like me to keep it interesting.

So the world needs an obnoxious jerk

with a false sense of entitlement?

Yes! I am the yin

to your pompous,

Fart-Sniffing yang.

Whatever. Fine.

I will flip you for it.

I win, you keep

your big mouth shut

For the rest of the day

and behave like a gentleman,

- So we can actually enjoy ourselves.

- Leo, not a good idea.

You win, i will go the rest

of the day under your wing.

I'll do whatever you do.

I'll live the way you live.

I'll be the yin

to my own yang.

How's that sound,

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