Mancation Page #6

confucius?

This sounds like

a bad idea.

- Call it, princess.

- Tails.

- You're in for a treat.

- No. Whatever.

I'm not doing it,

'cause it's stupid.

Nuh-Uh, p*ssy.

A deal's a deal.

Vince, you can't

really expect me to...

I mean,

a deal's a deal.

Whatever.

Whatever. Fine.

Is this, uh... You weren't

drinking this, were you?

Oh no.

- How's that?

- Not bad.

You'll get better.

- Why are we here?

- What do you mean?

We're here for a spontaneous,

testosterone-Fueled weekend, right?

Yeah, real spontaneous. I mean,

you've scheduled everything.

You even scheduled

the bathroom breaks.

You just can't keep planning

every ounce of your life.

- Says who?

- Says life.

Sooner or later you have

to deviate from the plan,

'Cause right now your life

is in the shitter.

I think now's

a good time to start.

Okay. I get it,

all right?

As best man, you feel the

need to dole out the advice.

And i appreciate that...

I do... But right now,

I'm kind of in a difficult

place to be giving advice to.

I understand that you went through

the same thing with your ex,

But let's try to remember

that you got married

In a shotgun wedding

at the courthouse on a whim.

You didn't exactly plan that out

and that still went to sh*t, so...

You're still in love with

her, for christ's sake.

I mean, you've been wearing the

wedding ring for two years now.

Forgive me for saying,

but your advice...

It's kinda worthless.

Do you know why

i still wear this ring?

No.

Please, enlighten me.

So i don't forget

how much it hurt.

It is a constant reminder

That i know that

i will never ever

Let any other woman

get close to me.

'Cause it would be

my own damn fault.

Well, that's a pretty

pessimistic way

- To go looking...

- And then cyndi comes along,

And she was perfect.

I just started thinking

that maybe i should just

Throw the ring in the trash,

because i was wrong.

When i gave you that ring

and i saw the look in her eye

When she was

giving her vows,

I saw the love.

I saw how honest

and pure she was.

I started thinking maybe that

there's somebody out there for me,

Somebody who i can love, somebody

that's gonna love me back.

Then she turned out

to be the worst one yet.

Come on, let's go

have some fun, all right?

But we're still gonna

stick to the schedule.

Sure, we can

stick to the schedule,

But can you please jot down

that we're getting our d*cks wet?

Speaking of d*cks,

have you seen leo or adam?

No.

- Body shots!

- Body shots!

Leo, would you be so kind

as to top veronica off?

Yeah.

Please, leo.

- Veronica.

- Hello.

You remind me of a girl

i used to have a crush on.

- Oh really?

- Sorry. Sorry.

- Is that okay?

- Yes. Yup, i think it's in there.

- Should i fill her up?

- It's fine like that.

- Thank you.

- I love it.

Leo, yeah.

- Leo's turn!

- Yeah, leo's turn.

- No no.

- It is most definitely leo's turn.

- No no no no.

- Yes, come on.

- Don't be shy.

- It's too early for whiskey.

- I can't.

- Leo, it is never too early for whiskey.

- Mm-Hmm. - Ladies, who

would like to mama-Bird

- A shot to young leo?

- I don't know what it is, but i'll do it.

- What's a mama bird?

- I like you.

- No, what's... What's a mama bird?

- Well, leo, it's simple.

First things first...

Down on your knees

- In front the very sexy jessica here.

- Thank you.

- Now you're gonna take a shot.

- Okay.

You're not gonna swallow it. You're

just gonna keep it in your mouth...

and gracefully squeeze a stream

of the refreshing kentucky bourbon

- Into young leo's mouth here.

- All right.

- Okay, are you ready, leo?

- Oh.

- Are you ready?

- Ah. Here we go.

Open wide.

- Ahh...

Ready?

Oh, what fun.

Igor!

Hello, ladies.

I forget your name.

Your name starts

with an f, i think.

Look alive, soldier. This

sh*t's about to jump off.

Hello, bandana man.

I see you've found

My favorite tiki bar.

I hope it's treating you well.

No no no! All right,

not this, not again.

If you think you're ganking

my half-Drunk b*tches from me,

- You got another think coming.

- Oh, these girls?

Eh. I don't want

these girls.

They are too old for igor.

- I'm 28.

- Well, if you say so.

But i can tell you have

the saggy places of a 40,

And seeing you both naked would

make me sick to my stomach.

It's not the age,

it's the miles, honey,

So go ahead and get out.

I don't care.

Don't worry, ladies.

I got this.

Let's roll up, b*tch.

Oh, all right.

Okay, you want

to dance, big guy?

- Yeah.

- Boots, hold my coat.

Holy f***!

All right, no.

No no, whatever, forget it.

- No, we're done. We're square.

- What, you want to go, cupcake?

- You want to go, cupcake?! - No, it's...

It's all right. No, just take... Take 'em.

- Take the... Take the girls.

- Come on, "rocky iii. " Come on, come on.

"I train alone! I train alone!"

"I ain't getting on no plane!"

We didn't really get off

on the right foot. It's cool.

"When you're a jet,

you're always a jet. "

Come on.

Put 'em up. What's the

problem? Put 'em up.

All right, no, we're done.

We're done, we're done.

I'm not fighting

a naked dude. That's gay.

Oh. Oh oh oh!

Okay, i see. Boots.

I think my bathing trunks

May be a bit too

controversial for bandana man.

- Oh, controversial.

- No, it's not controversial.

It's just... It's... I can

see your veins in your dick.

It's... All right?

It's gross!

Well, if you don't want

to fight,

Then perhaps we should

just be best friends.

How about you come in

for a big bear hug?

Come here.

- Come here, big boy.

No, f***ing hell no.

Come on. Don't be shy.

- Seriously.

- Don't f***ing touch me...

- Okay, all right, all right.

Listen. Here.

There you go, buddy.

Okay? You got your hug.

We were just leaving.

Well, now that we are

big-Bear-Hug friends,

- I guess i should know your name.

- It's vince.

Hello, vince. My name

is igor. He's my boots.

- How's your back?

- It's fine. Thank you, boots.

Vince, can we... Can we

please get the f*** away

- From this naked guy?

- Yes, please go.

I like

your friends, vince.

They have moxie.

That's...

That's good to know.

So, listen,

You seem to know

your way around here.

Have you, um...

Have you seen this girl?

Nyet. Boots,

has you seen this girl?

Nyet.

Oh.

- I am so sorry.

Neither me nor my boots

has seen her,

But i wish you the best

of luck in your searchings.

Thanks. You gentlemen

have a nice day, huh?

You have a nice day

as well, vince.

I'm not saggy.

I'll take my top off

right now and prove it to you.

Well, that is very polite

of you, golden girl,

But that's a gamble that

I'm not willing to take.

But boots has much worse

taste in women than i,

And i am sure he would love

to put himself in you

- And then break his dick off in you.

- I would love to do that!

He would love to break his dick.

He would love to break his

dick off. Please go, boots.

Go and break your dick off.

Yes, break your

dick off, boots.

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