Mancation Page #8

Just so everyone knows...

- Just so you know daddy doesn't care.

So what are you getting, anyway?

A prince albert.

Like a portrait or?

Sure

you're ready for this, dude?

Let's get dangerous.

Her and i have always had this

sort of unspoken thing, you know?

But neither one of us wanted

to put ourselves out there

Because we're

such good friends.

And that went on for years,

even through college.

I'd be seeing someone

and she'd be single,

Or she'd be seeing someone

and i was single.

And then cyndi came along and it just

seemed like such a perfect arrangement.

I would still think about rebecca

and wonder what it would be like,

You know,

if we ended up together.

And then i hadn't really given

it much thought until recently.

Then i walk in

on cyndi cheating on me

And all at once i felt...

...nothing. L... I

honestly felt nothing.

Complete indifference.

I mean, yeah, i was shocked

or surprised or whatever,

'Cause i didn't

see it coming, but...

i don't know.

I think...

maybe i was more in love with the

idea of marrying into the vanderplatts.

But then i found out rebecca is

gonna be down here in atlantic city,

And i had to come down here and

tell her how i felt, you know?

We have turned this town

upside down to try to find her

And this is the last place

i know she'd be,

So i know she's gotta

be somewhere nearby.

- How do you know that? - If you

actually stepped into the 21st century,

You would know that facebook

is fantastic for stalking exes.

If you see right here,

on foursquare she said

That she was here at the

convention center at 4:00.

Do you know where

we were at 4:
00 today?

- Yeah.

- Fudge kitchen.

Yeah, okay.

Damn it.

Okay, do you know

where she is now?

I have a pretty good idea.

Great. Let's...

Let's go find her.

You sure

you wanna do that?

Are you out

of your mind?

Pay attention, junior,

you might learn something.

What am i supposed

to learn from watching

Thinking about it too much. It's

all about going big or going home.

All right, you're gonna

feel a slight pinch...

- i can handle that... followed by

a very excruciatingly painful tearing

As i stick this barb

through your urethra.

Look, okay, you don't

have to do this.

All right?

No, i get it. I get it.

It's all about going big

or going home, right?

Going big or going home.

Do it.

All right,

here we go.

Oh.

That wa...

That wasn't so bad.

All right,

now we're disinfected.

Now... it's time

to actually do the piercing.

- Hold my hand.

- What?

Hold my f***ing hand!

Look, i don't know

what the problem is.

- I know she feels the same way.

- But that's not the issue.

That's because there is

no issue, okay?

It's real simple...

First we find her,

Then i bring her in

real close

And i remind her about that

time in statistics class

When we almost

accidentally kissed

And how i thought

about that for years after

About how i wish

it had actually happened.

And then she'll know.

She'll know exactly

what I'm talking about.

And then i just lay it

out there, you know?

I let her know that I'm in love

with her and that i always have been.

And if that doesn't work,

i have an ace up my sleeve.

Okay, i think

i found a loophole.

No! I'm not gonna watch you get

your heart broken in two again, okay?

You know, i knewyou would

say something like that.

I knew it. That's why i didn't

tell you why we came down here.

Rebecca's not

some drunk skank

On the cover

of "society page," okay?

She's not cyndi.

She's not your ex.

- She's... She's different.

- I know she is.

The please explain to me

what the f***ing problem is.

You. You're

the f***ing problem.

- What is that supposed to mean? - You're

setting yourself up for failure again.

You refuse to understand that

you can't control everything.

Sh*t, you bullet-Point

in your own head

How you're gonna convince rebecca

to give you a second chance.

I've seen you do this before. You did it

with fricking cyndi, for crying out loud.

- Life does not work that way.

- So you've got this figured out then?

You know what's best for me.

Is that right?

F*** you, brady. Okay?

You don't know sh*t about me.

You don't know what's going on.

Yeah, some f***ing best man

you turned out to be.

Yeah, and a best man would give

a fricking speech, a**hole.

Oh yeah?

Well, i'd like to think

That a best man would take 20

f***ing minutes out of his day

To plan something for someone

he calls his best friend.

You know, i should've had

leo be my best man.

At least i know

he would have the decency

Not to go on about gang bangs

and cleveland steamers

In front of my grandmother.

"Ladies and gentlemen,

family and friends,

Can you gather round please?

Family and friends.

Vince.

I've had the privilege

To know him now

for almost 25 years.

And honestly,

i gotta say

He's been one of the best

friends i could ever have.

In seventh grade,

we were in gym.

Do you remember this, vince?

We were running track.

I tripped and i fell

into a huge puddle...

Completely drenched,

head to toe...

With a white t-Shirt

no less.

Now, mind you,

I was not the...

slimmest kid

in the school.

But you know what?

I held my head high.

But when i fell

in that puddle,

All the kids started

pointing at me,

Laughing at me,

making fun of me.

But without hesitation,

Vince ran up to me

And literally took

his shirt off his back

And gave it to me.

And that's what

makes you so wonderful.

And to see you here with

cyndi... Who, by the way,

Without a doubt

Is the most breathtaking

bride i have seen...

And to see the way

That you make

her smile reminds me

Of all the times

You've made me smile

throughout the years.

To vince. "

This is the one thing

i planned.

Head over to baltic.

Right by the boardwalk,

there's a house party there.

That's where

you'll find her.

Luck.

One, two, three.

Stop!

Oh god!

Oh god.

God! Stop!

I wish i was

at the flower show!

That was the most amazing

thing I've ever seen.

- I've done worse.

- I get it now.

I totally get it, right.

'Cause being

an a**hole isn't about

Proving something

to someone else.

No no no no, it's about

proving something to yourself.

To this guy

right here, right?

Just like the time...

Like george washington,

When he punched

his dentist in the dick.

Right?

Exactly. Your eyes are

opening, little reynolds.

I feel alive, you know?

I feel, like, born again.

I just wanna rattle

some cages.

The consequences

be damned.

F*** yeah.

Hey!

Motherfuckers!

Oh boy.

Hey hey hey, what are you guys

doing out here on the boards?

Shouldn't you be, like...

I don't know...

Building a railroad

Or opening up

a dry-Cleaning business?

- wait wait.

- All right, you got 'em.

Wait wait wait wait wait, hold on.

Oh no! Godzirra!

Here godzirra come!

Destroy buildings.

I need more buildings.

- Okay.

- Radiation!

- Okay, you're good, you're good. Got 'em.

- Wait wait wait.

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