Mascots Page #9

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Okay.

I made it.

Oh, sweetie.

-I made it.

-Oh, my God, you did.

-Oh!

-I know.

Oh, my God.

I know.

Oh, you still throwing up?

Throwing up and diarrhea.

-Oh, out both ends?

-Yes.

It's like a war going on,

but right now, it's stopped.

I'm sorry, babe.

Well...

you're gonna be great.

Thank you.

I'm sorry you can't do it. I really am.

It's okay.

I can't wait to see you do it.

But you're the best at it.

Okay, Alvin, do my sister good.

I'll be watching from the wings.

All right.

I love that you came.

Bathroom's on the left.

Ladies and gentlemen,

from Amelia Earhart College for Women

in Mississippi,

Alvin the Armadillo.

The mind bounces

and maybe won't stop.

My shell.

My shell.

What is language?

Trapped.

This smells like good stuff.

Does the job, Greg.

Um, here in the United States, we have,

in the state of South Carolina,

a place called Mount Rushmore,

I don't know if you've heard of it,

where they have a facade

of four of our Founding Fathers

on this mountain.

-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah, you've heard of it.

George Washington...

uh...

Well, hell, everyone knows

the Founding Fathers.

Oh.

Dicknuts.

What are you doing, Zook?

Let's go, man. We gotta get you suited up.

-Is that today?

-Yeah.

-I'll be over in a minute.

-Hurry up.

Hello. This is Cindi.

- Hello?

Hello, Cindi. Who is this?

Why are you calling?

Why are you... you?

Who is this?

You've got the wrong number.

Was I ever here?

What happened?

We're sorry,

the number you have dialed

is not in service at this time.

Oh.

Hmm.

That was Alvin the Armadillo.

You were amazing.

You were so good.

Thank you. Thank you.

We did it.

-We did it.

-Yeah.

Sid the Hedgehog

to the stage, please.

Sid the Hedgehog to the stage.

Our next contestant,

from the Willingham Rovers

in London, England,

Sid the Hedgehog.

Whoo!

It's a squirrel.

Hedgehog.

Oh!

It's a good routine.

Oh, gosh!

Sid the Hedgehog,

from London, England.

Very nice.

-Lovely.

-Wow!

He did it!

Let's go and see him!

Let's go and see him!

The Fist to the stage,

please. The Fist to the stage.

All right? Good luck, mate.

Ladies and gentlemen,

from the Blue Lake Mallards in Canada,

the Fist.

Babe.

-Hey.

-Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Was it all right? Was it good?

Emotions.

-Yeah, tell me about it.

-Laughing.

-Ladders, up, down...

-What?

...without breaking my spine.

-Hello.

-Hello.

It was immense.

Oh, thanks, Dad.

All those years in the shop,

I used to say to you,

-"Every carcass is different."

-You did.

Never listened to my own advice, did I?

-No.

-I'll tell you what,

I was a better Sid

than my dad ever was,

but... you, you're a better Sid

than I could have ever been.

-Oh, shut up, Dad.

-No. No, I mean it.

- Record that.

- Don't be silly.

-That's family progress, eh?

-Wow.

-That was progress.

-All right.

Fist! Fist! Fist!

-Wow.

-Great.

Fist! Fist!

Great.

So, I hate to put you on the spot,

but which mascot was your favorite?

Favorite? Well, they're all

about as good as each other, I think.

I thought the pencil was pretty great.

He was great, wasn't he?

Please take 15 minutes

to stretch your legs

while the judges deliberate.

And I can't tell you how much I appreciate

you coming all the way from New York.

New York?

Well, yeah.

Your network's in New York, right?

No, we're at the Burbank office.

Oh.

Yeah, we're in the Burbank office.

We just came down the 5,

took 30 minutes.

I didn't know that. Would you

excuse me just for a second?

- Yeah.

- Hey!

Get back here.

I got you this time.

You get back here right now.

Get back here. Stop that rabbit!

Why not take this opportunity

to visit our snack bar in the lobby?

We have a great selection

of candy and soft drinks.

I want him out of the building.

I want him on the street.

I hope you rot in hell.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this year's winners will now be announced.

Please welcome back our celebrity judges.

Well, the time is here.

It's what we've all been waiting for.

Can you feel the excitement in the air?

Yes!

And next year, fingers crossed,

if we're really, really lucky,

we just might be televised.

Oh, my.

And of course,

none of this would be possible

without our main sponsor,

Mr. Buddy Campbell.

Thank you. Thanks very much.

Campbell Tile and Carpet.

You say it, we lay it.

You know, as judges we had

some very difficult decisions to make.

And no winner was unanimous.

Each one of us had

to serve as a tiebreaker.

So, I think that goes to show

the high level of competition,

and so, certainly,

congratulations to all the finalists.

And it is now my honor

to introduce to you, Gabby Monkhouse.

Whoo!

Thank you, Buddy.

Thank you so much.

And now, the World Mascot Association

Bronze Fluffy goes to...

Jack the Plumber, Beaumont College,

Modesto, California.

Plumber time!

Congratulations, Jack.

Well deserved.

Hi, there.

Thank you, Gabby.

Thank you so much.

The second place,

or silver category of Fluffy,

from the World Mascot Association

goes to...

Heshe the Rabbi and Willy the Worm,

Tussolon Tigers Canoe Team, Israel.

Shalom.

Congratulations, Heshe.

And now we'll go on,

to keep things moving,

to the first place, or gold, category--

No, I announce the gold category.

-You gave out the bronze.

-I gave out the bronze.

You gave out the silver.

Then I do the gold.

I'm getting a hand signal.

-I think they want me to continue.

-No, I am the senior judge, so...

-Just give it to her.

-I am the senior judge.

I will then surrender the mic to the lady.

Thank you. I wrote a book,

and I got more applause than you did.

-Oh, please.

-All right.

Well, it is my honor,

ladies and gentlemen,

to present the World Mascot Association's

highest honor.

The Gold Fluffy goes to...

Oh, I could read it

if you don't have it prepared.

No, I can do that.

Sid the Hedgehog,

Willingham Rovers, South Croydon.

Merry old England.

Congratulations, Sid. Congratulations.

Congratulations to Sid the Hedgehog

and all of our contestants!

Thank you all so much

for coming today.

We really appreciate it.

We'll see you here next year.

There have been some big,

big changes.

-Good, good changes.

-Good changes.

Um...

The mascot competition

was a tipping point for us.

-Yeah.

-You know.

I mean, it was just a fiasco.

Emotionally, professionally, personally.

So, you know, we just took

a long, hard look at our lives

and said, "It ain't working."

Yeah.

And what do we need to do?

We need to change it.

Mm-hmm.

And we have.

And I feel born anew.

-That's nice.

-Well, I do.

And, you know, it's springtime.

Oh.

Okay.

-Sorry about that.

-Sorry. I guess we can't help ourselves.

We're those people now.

The kind you're like,

"Could they really be that in love?"

And that really-- I mean,

that used to, literally, never happen.

No. I couldn't resist.

Part of what's helped,

and probably the biggest change,

is that we are no longer mascotting.

-The team was sold, and we were let go.

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