Mastizaade Page #5

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Hi.

While playing his army roles...

...papa has fired so many b...b...bullets...

...that sometimes he t...talks less...

...and s...shoots more from his mouth.

Correct. Correct.

You didn't introduce me to your guests.

Sorry, papa.

This is Sunny and that's Aditya.

Hello. Hello.

You know that sex-addic...addic...group..

...that Laila and I run.

These two are members.

These two have a sex problem. - Yes.

You know that I hate sex, and I hate sex-addicts.

No, no, no...

I would make all the sex-addicts...

...stand in a line and "bang...bang...bang."

Shoot them.

No, no...we were sex-addicts.

Not anymore.

Your daughter treated us so well...

...we stopped having sex.

We even stopped thinking about it.

Good. Good.

Good. Good.

By the way, sir... that's really nice horse.

What's his name? - Blackie.

Yes.

Blackie?

But sir, he's white.

Bahadur Shah Zafar once said "What is in the name".

Yes, sir.

But...Shakespeare said that, and not Bahadur Shah.

Exactly. "What is in the name".

Come...I'll show you the back...

I mean the backside. Whose?

Of the hotel, of course.

Welcome. Welcome to the Wedding Hotel.

You were taking us to the backside.

But this is the poolside.

Hello, boys.

And you are? - I am his son-das (Sh*t).

What? You're his son-das (Sh*t)?

Yes. He's my son, and his name's Das (Sh*t).

So...Son Das (Sh*t).

He's always shaking it around.

What? - His brush.

He has quite manly hobbies?

Yes...and men are my hobby.

I love...filling up my big canvas...

...with my long brush strokes.

Would you...like to see mine? - What?

Canvas! - Of course.

Of course.

Naughty boy.

See..

Beautiful.

A poor fly... is stuck in a spider's web.

Woosh! Woosh!

It flew away.

Hi, sister!

"All night long everyone stares at you."

Why did she have to be like her mother?

Seema.

If you want... you can drink this milk too.

It's cold.

It's fresh.

And filled with cream.

So much cream...isn't good for me.

Ouch...

Oh my, God.

No one poked me so hard... even on Facebook.

Once more. - Sorry.

But...my bag's handle poked you by mistake.

I...I...wasn't talking about the handle.

I can't handle it anymore.

Now mine's...stuck.

"With the winds..."

"...and the clouds."

"Let's move O Beloved."

Das. Das. No, no, no.

Enough of this nok-jok-and poke.

Come with me you two.

I'll show you two your rooms in the resort.

Come on, follow me.

I said follow me. - Papa.

He's so hot. - He's so hot.

Same pinch.

After all...we both drank the same mother's milk.

I want him. - I want him.

He's mine. - He's mine.

He's mine. - He's mine.

He's mine. - He's mine.

It took us an entire day to go from on pool to another.

After all it's a wedding hotel.

Hi!

What a tree...coconuts.

What are you two doing here?

You two just disappeared after that day.

Hi, Aditya.

Do you know these two? - No. No.

No, no... - Yes, uncle.

I met these two at the alcoholic's rehab.

No, no, you're mistaken. - Yes.

They're sex-addicts, and not alcohol.

No, no, we were..

We know that. - What?

After all...we took full advantage...

...of that addiction that night.

Sir, sir...

Sir, we can't have anymore fun.

Actually sir, we are screwed, I mean jacked.

We're tired. - We're sleepy.

Yes, come on. Bye.

"Oh Baby."

Laila...what are you doing?

Trying to explain you...

...the more you try to be Vishwamitra...

...I'll be Meneka.

If I fail to break your penance...

...then I'll be a bachelor for the rest of my life.

Laila...just say I love you once.

And then watch all the fun that I give you.

Forget that.

Say Laila...Give-it to me.

No!

Say it, Sunny.

Laila...Give-it to me.

Sunny, say it.

Laila...Give-it to me.

Sunny...Sunny...give it to her.

If you don't...then I will.

Not just me...entire Pattaya will give it to her.

But for Gods sake, take your hands off...

...from my room's intercom button.

So that I can peacefully sleep alone in my room.

One.

Desh Premi...march ahead.

We're with you.

Why's that old man and that wheel-chair guy...

...exercising in the middle of the day?

I guess you like bamboos.

But sir, what are you preparing for...

...in the middle of the day?

The Ancestral games of our family.

The Wedding Games.

The Wedding Games? Ooh!

What are these wedding games?

It's a huge competition.

From paintball...to tug-of-war.

And now...get ready for the war.

Let's go.

Go on.

Pull.

Yeah!

'Dharti Maa... Give me strength!'

Thank you, God.

Thank you, God.

No...Mama!

That was fun.

Lily...come here.

Lily, come here!

Come here. - Coming.

We should play something different.

Like? - Kabaddi.

You will play kabaddi? - Yeah.

So I can say "De Chaddi- De Chaddi- De Chaddi.. (Underwear)"

Leave me. - "De Chaddi- De Chaddi (Underwear)"

"Take mine..."

Get lost.

No...no...

Now it's your turn.

Go!

Okay.

Missed.

Come on.

Come on, buck up.

Yes, come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on, Sunny.

If the peacock dances in the jungle...

...who saw it?

No, no, no, no.

Don't shoot...Don't shoot.

Oh my, God.

Take your gun and make holes in my body.

Colour my body...

O beloved... shoot me with your water-gun.

Let my Sunny go.

You two brother-sister... have made my life hell.

This is all your fault. - What?

You...

You're my sister... but Sunny's my bed.

Sorry.

"I am A-Sh*t."

"I am A-Sh*t."

No, no, no, no...

"I am A-Sh*t."

Oh, God!

That handicap broke my kneecaps.

We should've played hopscotch with him instead.

And that cripple would've beat us in that too.

The worst thing is...

...he humiliated me in front of Lily.

How will we ever get married now?

Yeah...

I've an idea.

Go and tell Lily...

...that you intentionally lost to Desh Premi.

So that she doesn't feel bad.

Nice idea. - Good idea, right?

I'll go find her.

Where's Lily's room?

Lily's room...

I am very sorry.

I mistakenly banged you.

I want you to keep banging into me.

Leave me. Laila.

Leave me.

It's not Laila, I am your loverboy.

Das. - Yeah, Das.

Now let's get down with this Das.

How did you get in?

You know I'm an expert in getting in.

I offered something hard to the house-keeping boy.

Hard what?

Hard cash...so I can kiss your lips.

Oh, God!

You know, I have just one problem.

If I don't drink something, it drives me crazy.

Lipple. - Naughty boy..

I...I...I didn't mean that.

You know those milk-bottles for kids.

It's got that lipple... and milk comes out of it.

You can suck that.

It will fulfil your needs and desires too.

Did you ever suck...a lipple?

A lot.

Since I was a kid.

It's really fun.

Then let's do it together.

It will be so much fun.

I know...

Go to your room... and keep your lipple ready.

I'll be there shortly... and do it with you.

Okay, bye.

Look, Das...you see... I'm really hurt today.

That's why I brought it along.

What? - Ointment.

The ointment of my love on your wounds.

Oh, God.

Ouch...let me take it out of my pouch.

These wounds on your handsome body...

...is like the blemishes on the moon.

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