Matchstick Men Page #4

l have one rule, Chuck. Simple is safe.

l`ll tell you as little as possible

about what l do...

...but as much as l need to to make you

comfortable with what we`re doing.

What are we doing?

Five thousand pounds sterling.

A perk of working in exchange at a bank.

-Whose is it?

-No one`s.

Just money unaccounted for, floating on

top of the books like a layer of cream.

And he just scoops it off.

Well, it`s a little more-- Bob!

lt`s a little more complicated than that,

but again, simple is safe.

Why not keep it yourself?

As a bank employee, any attempt to change

currency is recorded and questioned.

Bob has a record.

You, on the other hand,

no one bats an eye.

Now, l hope you have something for me.

-Five grand, American.

-Congratulations.

-At today`s exchange rate you just made--

-$2567. Looked it up on the lnternet.

He`s fast.

That lnternet thing, that`s a fad.

l can`t figure it out.

Me neither, but my daughter`s a wiz.

-You have a daughter?

-Two. Fifteen and 1 2.

-Wonderful, l have a 1 4-year-old.

-lt`s a riot, huh?

Little training bras hanging

from the shower rods.

Yeah, and everything smells like gum.

How do you get them outside?

Mine sits at home all day.

Summer is the worst. The worst.

-lt`s crazy. lt`s wild.

-He sounds just like him.

Let me ask you something, Arden.

How much could you do this for?

Well, as a rule, we never go north of 1 0.

How much could you get your hands on?

-A lot.

-All right.

-Put it there.

-Let`s play ball.

-Chucky, baby, give me some sugar.

-Yeah.

See you later? Peace. Two fingers.

Peace?

-A**hole.

-Didn`t tip him?

-Tickets, please.

-Yeah, he`s a jackass.

See you, jackass.

Man, l thought we were out

2 grand there for a second.

You gotta spend money

if you wanna make money.

You gotta make it to spend it.

``Everything smells like gum``?

What was that about?

lt`s easier if l show you.

Angela?

Angela, l`m back.

Angela, Frank`s here!

Hey.

Angela?

She`s not here.

She must have gone back to her mom`s.

This teenybopper Hillary says,

``l am single, baby.``

-Where does she usually go?

-l don`t know.

This is no good, Roy.

lt`s no good for you or us.

lt`s got nothing to do with us.

-Hey!

-Pygmies.

Yeah.

-This is bad news, man.

-You don`t have to put it like that.

-Where have you been?

-Nowhere.

Okay. Where did you go?

l just went out. l went to the arcade.

lt`s like a half a mile away.

lt`s stuffy in here.

lt smells like Lysol.

Where the hell were you?

l wanna know right now

or l`m calling your mother!

l just told you. l went to the arcade.

Why did you sneak back in?

That`s how l left.

l didn`t have keys to lock the door.

So you didn`t see my car?

Jeez, you`re worse than Mom.

Angela, listen, l`m glad l met you,

l really am, but l`ve got a business...

...and l`ve got a partner and l`ve got things

a certain way, and that`s it!

So, you know, l think it`d be better...

...for you, most of all, if tomorrow

morning l took you back home.

-What did l do wrong?

-You didn`t do anything wrong.

l just went out! God, l didn`t even--

l didn`t drink, l didn`t get high!

l didn`t take any money

from your stupid dog!

What, you never heard of a bank?

That is wrong what you did, and...

...you`re a Nosy Parker, and....

And that`s no way for

a young lady to behave!

Shame on you!

Angela?

Sweetheart?

-l wasn`t kicking you out.

-l don`t wanna stay where l`m not wanted!

-lt`s not that l don`t want you.

-Fooled me.

-Will you stop?

-Don`t! Let me go!

You just don`t want me going home to Mom

thinking she was right all along! Stop!

You`re just like one of her boyfriends!

l`m just something you have to deal with

in order to screw her!

-Please, you know that`s not true.

-Even they tell me what they do for a living!

Antiques dealers always keep large stacks

of cash in their homes next to their guns.

Okay. Okay. All right?

l`m sorry. lt`s just....

l`m not....

l`m not very good at being a dad.

Okay? You know? All right?

l barely get by being me.

-Sweetheart, please--

-Don`t!

Come on back home with me,

and we can get a big pizza again.

You can stay the whole weekend

if you want, all right?

Why do you have a gun?

ln case.

ln case what?

lt`s hard to explain.

Waller. keep the change.

-Bullshit!

-Nope.

No bullshit.

And watch your language at the table.

-You`re a con man?

-Con artist.

A flimflam man, matchstick man, loser.

Whatever you want to call it.

And that guy, Frank?

He`s my partner. My protg.

-Teach me something.

-What?

-Teach me a con.

-You`re funny.

No, come on, really!

Teach me something.

-l`m not teaching you anything.

-Why not?

You`re a bright, innocent,

beautiful girl...

...and l`m not gonna screw that up

like everything else.

Really?

-What?

-You think that?

That l`m beautiful?

No.

Then why won`t you?

Because crime doesn`t pay?

No, it does. lt does.

Just not very well.

-You seem to be doing okay.

-l`m not.

Believe me, it`s no fun doing what l do.

lt`s usually stealing from people

who don`t deserve it.

Old people, fat people. Lonely.

A lot of the time, l feel sick about it.

Then why do you do it?

l`m not as innocent as you think.

l`ve done stuff with boys.

l`ve done stuff with boys,

if l told you...

-...you`d throw up.

-Then don`t tell me.

-Then teach me something!

-No! Final.

At the Christmas dance last year,

l went with this boy Josh Ward.

-He`s cute, and l really liked him.

-l`m not listening.

After the dance, we went to Carrie`s,

and he pushed me against the bed...

-Not listening!

-...and he took his hand--

-No! Okay. l`ll show you one thing!

-You will?

Thank you, thank you!

-All right, okay--

-Thank you!

But then you`re never gonna do it again,

and you`re gonna forget it. Agreed?

Holy Mary.

Rule number one:

Never work near where you live.

Don`t sh*t--

Rule number two:

Don`t write anything down.

All right, l want you

to stay in the car, okay?

Hey! Would you stay in the car?

l`d like to play this

for the drawing on the 22nd.

You know the odds of the same numbers

hitting in the same month? Or ever?

Well, that`s why l changed one.

You`re wasting your dollar.

Hey. You his financial adviser? No.

You`re a cashier at a convenience store.

Take his dollar and give him a ticket.

-You`re ready for this.

-l was born ready.

Glad l missed that day.

The most important thing

to understand about this game is...

...ninety percent of it is variable.

No matter how good a plan is,

you almost always get thrown a curve.

So you gotta be flexible,

prepared to roll with anything.

-l`ll do it.

-Just the 2.

The one thing you can control, though,

is who your mark is.

Never play someone who isn`t

buying what you`re selling.

You`re thinking, ``What am l selling?``

What you`re selling is you.

The older the better, but beware of couples.

No one whispers in your mark`s ear but you.

And for God`s sake, make sure the person

you`re conning isn`t conning you.

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