Me and Mrs Jones Page #4

Season #1 Episode #6

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at the tv)

Man those bears are really going

for it...

GEMMA tries to turn the TV off only to turn it up as the

bears growl. Finally she pushes the right button and mutes

it.

BILLY:

(to Gemma)

If it's a problem me staying I

can just...

ALFIE:

Nah mum’s cool about stuff like

this aren’t you mum?

GEMMA:

(unconvinced)

It’s fine. Oh its so lovely to

have you home lets celebrate with

a - Tom!

ALFIE:

What’s a Tom?

GEMMA:

I have a date with a Tom - no

wait I’ll cancel.

ALFIE:

Don’t do that mum, we’re gonna go

out anyway, right, need to grab a

shower if I’m gonna work the

Alfie magic tonight.

(to BILLY)

Make yourself at home mate.

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

18.

ALFIE goes. BILLY looks at the TV. The bears are still on.

BILLY:

Once they've mated the male walks

away and might never see the

female again.

GEMMA:

I've met a few of those in my

time. Well, when I say a few I

mean - well - anyway, better get

ready.

CUT TO:

10 EXT. FOOTBALL MATCH. SCHOOL PLAYING FIELDS - AFTERNOON 10

JASON and INCA stand freezing to death on the sidelines of

a children’s football match. It is bleak. Girls run around,

their parents shout. JESS stands in goal not that into the

match while CHARLOTTE runs about furiously. INCA shivers

in her bright coloured ‘going out’ tight red/fuscia dress

and high heals, her hair long and shiny looking. She looks

totally pissed off.

INCA:

(brrrs like a horse

pointedly for

attention)

The thing is Jason, because I am

so slim I feel the cold much

more. Plus apart from my head I

am completely hairless; like an

otter.

(pouts)

I should be revising for my

waxing exam Jason.

JASON:

I know love - and to show my

appreciation I will let you wax

any body part you like when we

get home.

She smiles seductively at him. We see TOM is wildly

cheering on POPPY standing with CAROLINE, TANYA and SUSIE.

TOM:

Good team work Poppy. That’s the

spirit!

CAROLINE:

Poppy’s such an amazing little

person Tom. A real credit to your

parenting skills.

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

19.

TOM:

Thank you.

CAROLINE:

(Touches his arm) No thank you,

for being such a positive male role

model.

We go back to JASON and INCA. JASON is looking annoyed at

TOM.

JASON:

That’s the guy that’s going out

on a date with Gemma tonight.

INCA:

Which one?

JASON:

The one who looks like a knob.

INCA looks over at TOM talking with the THREE NIGELLA’S.

INCA:

He’s a handsome knob.

JASON:

No he’s not.

They both look over at TOM as the NIGELLA’S laugh, touching

his arm.

INCA:

He looks like he could really

give the good sexual

experiences. Oh! I am knowing, I

will see if Gemma wants me to

give her the body wrap, she can

lose inches off her torso.

CHARLOTTE scores by getting past POPPY. JASON jumps up and

down shouting too much, pointedly over at TOM.

JASON:

That’s my girl! Well done. My

flesh and blood, from these

loins! Go Jess!

TOM looks over nonplussed at JASON shouting.

INCA:

It was Charlotte who scored.

INCA walks off, her heels sink in the mud.

CUT TO:

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

20.

11 INT. GEMMA’S HOUSE. LIVING ROOM. NIGHT 11

BILLY is sat on the sofa unpacking his dirty clothes fromhis rucksack. ALFIE is on GEMMA’s computer with“Facespaces.com” up.

ALFIE:

(looking at screen)

Oh yes! Get in! I’ve been sexypoked by that fit Thai bird I metin Bangkok.

BILLY:

(looks up)

And you’re OK with that?

ALFIE:

She was hot.

BILLY:

She was a he.

ALFIE:

Shut up! She was all woman.

BILLY:

You were pissed out of yourbrains on Thai whiskey.

So.

ALFIE:

She had all the right bits.

BILLY:

On the outside maybe.

ALFIE:

Jealousy is a terrible thing myfriend.

BILLY:

Her name was Ken!

BILLY heads for the kitchen with his dirty clothes.

ALFIE:

I don’t care, I’m sexy pokingback - then lets get totallymullered.

CUT TO:

12 INT. GEMMA’S HOUSE KITCHEN. NIGHT 12

GEMMA is looking at her reflection in the kettle. She

bouffants her hair up so it’s enormous.

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

21.

GEMMA:

Brilliant, I look like a

scarecrow...

She grabs a clip and frantically smoothes her hair down

clipping it to one side.

GEMMA:

Great, now I look like Hitler.

She piles her hair onto her head, it now just looks like a

large nest.

GEMMA (TO SELF)

Hi I’m Gemma and I have a family

of rats living in my hair.

Defeated she slumps on the counter.

GEMMA:

It’s just a date... pull yourself

together.

BILLY enters carrying the washing Gemma springs up from

counter.

GEMMA:

(Slightly desperate

tone)

How do I look?

BILLY:

You look...

GEMMA:

...like the Fuhrer...?

BILLY:

No.

GEMMA:

Like I should cancel and just

have an early night?

He laughs.

BILLY:

No. You look nice. Kind

of....Cameron Diaz - Charlie’s

Angels not Shrek obviously.

GEMMA:

Are you just saying that so you

can take advantage of my washing

machine?

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

22.

BILLY:

Absolutely, I’ve got a weakness

for a triple A+ graded 1400 spin

washing machine with 12 wash

programmes, reduced creasing

option and a 29 minute quick

wash.

GEMMA:

Wow, you know your stuff.

BILLY:

Two summers working at Croydon's

premier electrical store has its

uses when it comes to impressing

the ladies.

GEMMA:

I bet it does.

She laughs. He motions towards the washing machine. She

nods and puts on some earrings again using the kettle as a

mirror as he loads the machine.

GEMMA:

I feel like a teenager on a

first ever date.

BILLY:

That’s a great feeling isn’t it.

The bit just before your first

kiss - you both know it’s going

to happen but you don’t know when

and your hearts pounding and...

GEMMA:

Oh no!

BILLY:

What?

GEMMA:

I should’ve shaved both my legs.

BILLY:

You only shaved one leg?

GEMMA:

Work deadline ..... trying on 14

dresses ... prodigal son

returning... sort of took my mind

off what I was doing.

(suddenly looks up)

Contraception!

BILLY:

What?

Me & Mrs. Jones - Episode One - Shooting Script - 17.05.2012

23.

GEMMA:

My one shaved leg, I’ll use it as

a form of contraception. It’ll

put him off.

BILLY stands up and they are now facing each other.

BILLY:

I think I'd find it kind of

intriguing. “The woman with the

one hairy leg.”

She laughs and picks up her bag and goes into the living

room. BILLY looks at the washing machine. He pushes the

button on the machine to start it.

CUT TO:

13 INT. GEMMA’S LIVING ROOM. NIGHT 13

GEMMA goes into the living room finding ALFIE mucking about

on her computer.

GEMMA:

Alfie! My work’s on that, be

careful.

ALFIE:

Chill, I know what I'm doing.

The door bell goes.

GEMMA:

Oh no... I’m not... Do I look OK?

ALFIE:

(doesn’t look up)

Yeah, fine.

GEMMA goes to the door and lets in TOM.

GEMMA:

Tom hi, come in.

He comes into the living room.

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