Me and the Colonel Page #4

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to get away than for me.

- Because of his secret mission.

- Who told you about my mission?

- You did.

- He eavesdrops.

Your Colonel is a peculiar man.

When he shouts in my ear,

he says I eavesdrop.

My Colonel is very loveable,

but he is a little mad.

Sing for your mistress. Sing. Does he sing?

Oh, yes.

I feel Aristide is in good hands with you.

- I shall dedicate myself to him and to you.

- Thank you, monsieur.

Sing.

- Do you have any other pets?

- Only the Colonel.

- To him I am already dedicated.

- Less and less I like this Jacobowsky.

Less and less.

Why so quiet, darling?

Driving all day along dusty roads

makes my throat dry.

Please, Colonel, forget the vodka.

We should just be happy that we are

together and travelling in the right direction.

You imply that yesterday when we were

on our way to Mademoiselle Suzanne,

we were driving in the wrong direction?

Geographically it was wrong.

- Emotionally it was right.

- That is nice.

Could you tell us what's the best way

to get to Saint Jean de Luz?

Saint Jean de Luz?

Better go by way of Limoges and Prigueux,

or you'll meet the German army.

- Did they already get this far?

- They're advancing south along the coast.

Now that Paris has fallen,

the war will soon be over.

And it won't be very healthy for anybody

caught travelling with a Polish officer.

Colonel, may I speak to you

about something?

What is it?

Well, don't you think

we should take some precautions?

What precautions?

- Your uniform.

- You don't like my uniform?

On the contrary, I think it's beautiful,

but with the Germans all around us...

- Always in terror of your skin.

- I'm attached to it.

Besides, mademoiselle's skin,

surely that is worth saving.

- Mademoiselle's skin is no concern of yours.

- He is right, you know, darling.

- He's always right.

- Now, don't be silly.

Now I'm silly? This is a new development.

Obviously you sympathise

with Jacobowsky, so ride with Jacobowsky.

Delighted!

Thank you.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Monsieur Jacobowsky.

How would you like to have a mushroom

omelette and apple fritters for breakfast?

A mushroom omelette?

Apple fritters? How did you manage?

It was very simple, really.

I picked the mushrooms at dawn.

A cooperative hen has just supplied the egg

and the milk should be here

any moment now.

- Szabuniewicz.

- I'm ready. She is not ready.

Monsieur Jacobowsky, you are wonderful.

What is it?

Good morning, Colonel.

Suzanne, I'm sorry

I lose my temper yesterday.

- It was for you, too, Jacobowsky.

- Don't mention it.

We're going to start the engine

in the automobile for a few minutes.

And as soon as the water boils

in the radiator, we'll have our coffee.

- I'm glad you admitted you were wrong.

- Wrong?

Who said I was wrong?

Well, I was wrong.

He's the most amazing man,

Monsieur Jacobowsky.

Last night he told me

he has been an art dealer, a headwaiter,

an usher in a movie theatre...

You wouldn't believe some of the things

he has done in order to survive.

I believe it.

But I'm not sure it was worth the effort.

It's after 6:
00.

I wonder what happened

to Monsieur Jacobowsky?

Obviously, Jacobowsky's ingenuity

has failed him this time.

Not even he can find us a place

to sleep tonight.

But I do not care.

It's wonderful, at last, to be alone with you.

You mean, without Monsieur Jacobowsky.

- You miss him?

- Monsieur Jacobowsky amuses me.

He makes me laugh.

Why is it when you mention his name

I feel a stab, here?

I'll tell you why, dearest.

Because you are jealous.

Fine situation I have reached.

I, Tadaeusz Boleslav Count Prokoszny,

am jealous of S.L. Jacobowsky.

But it's so silly.

I don't think of Monsieur Jacobowsky

that way at all.

I am touched by him.

He's so anxious for people to love him.

He want the whole world to love him.

- In this ambition he will fail.

- He knows that.

- That is what makes him so touching.

- I have an idea.

Let's make a firm rule

not to mention his name.

All right.

After all, before we met him,

we had a lot to talk about.

What did we talk about?

I don't remember.

Actually, I don't think we did much talking.

He loves you, this Jacobowsky.

I thought we were not

going to mention his name.

Perhaps he does, a little bit.

I think it will be necessary

to kill this Jacobowsky.

- Well, where do we sleep?

- No place to sleep. Nothing to eat.

- But I bring news.

- What sort of news?

Marshal Ptain has

taken over the government.

He's negotiating for armistice, and...

I almost forgot.

The Germans will occupy north of France

and the whole coastline.

- Where did you hear this?

- I don't hear it. Jacobowsky hears it.

Where is Monsieur Jacobowsky?

I don't know. I lost him.

Well done, Corporal.

For 35 years I've been custodian

of this castle, as was my father before me.

But nowadays we don't get many visitors.

This is the only room

that survived from the original castle.

The night before the Battle of Castillon,

in 1453,

King Charles the Seventh

slept in this very bed.

- Did he have a good night?

- No. He was too nervous.

- This is the Queen's bedroom.

- Extraordinary.

There is no one in the world

who knows what I know about this castle,

from the 13th to the 18th centuries.

And after that, did you lose interest?

Nothing that happened since

is of any importance whatever.

The glory of France died with the monarchy.

Suppose I were to tell you that

the glory of France is about to be restored,

and that you may play

a very important role in it.

- I, monsieur?

- Yes.

Are you a man who can keep a confidence?

There are things I know about

Henry the Third I have never told anyone.

Not even my wife.

Well, then, monsieur,

I am not a simple tourist.

I am in the service

of a very important personage,

who may soon be honouring this chateau

with his presence.

But this is a castle.

Surely Monsieur Jacobowsky

didn't mean this.

That's what he said in the note he sent us.

- Who's that?

- But they are waiting for us.

We are deeply honoured, sir.

Don't worry. Your secret is safe with us.

My husband awaits you within

to show you to your rooms.

Jacques, take the automobile round

to the back and unload the luggage.

Welcome to the castle, monsieur.

Too bad your equerry

gave us such short notice,

but we will do our poor best to make you

and your entourage comfortable.

- Where is our equerry?

- He's in the kitchen. He insisted.

He says that no one else

is allowed to prepare your meals.

I am putting mademoiselle

in the Queen's bedroom.

Monsieur, naturally,

will have the King's bedroom.

Yes?

Tadaeusz!

I've never seen you looking so magnificent.

I have not worn this uniform

since Marshal Pilsudski

marched into Warsaw in 1926.

And it still fits you.

You haven't put on an ounce.

Suzanne, when the war ends,

this is how I receive you

in our ancestral home in Horodenka.

I just can't believe it.

An hour ago,

I was ready to sleep in the marketplace.

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