Meet the Parents Page #5

Doctors have bureaucracy...

Uh-oh! Wasn't your friend Andy

supposed to be here by now?

Oh, l thought Deb told you,

Dr Andy can't make the wedding.

Damn! Now l have to reconfigure

the whole procession.

Um...Bob, why doesn't Greg

stand in for Andy, be the usher?

Oh... No, Pam. No.

That'll be fine.

Bob, Greg will be your second usher.

Uh... Yeah, yeah. OK, sure.

Good. Well, let's all finish up

and get ready to go.

We have a pre-activity briefing

in about 32 minutes.

Really! ln that case,

l'd better get upstairs

and pay a visit

to the shower fairy.

Dina, thank you so...

Hey, you OK?

Why didn't you wake me up?

- l thought you'd like to sleep late.

- Not when l'm a guest.

lt's OK.

No, it's not OK. Tell that

to Dr Torquemada and his lnquisition.

Go take a shower, get dressed

and come down.

- ln what?

- Borrow some of Dad's clothes.

- No, l don't... Come on!

- Why not?

l don't feel comfortable

wearing your dad's underwear.

OK, go wake up Denny

and borrow some of his.

Wake up your brother, who l

never met, to borrow his clothes?

OK. All right. Where's Denny's room?

Top of the stairs, turn right.

(Knocks )

Denny?

Denny?

Denny?

(Rap music)

Hello?

Hey, hey!

What the hell are you doing here?

l'm...l'm Greg, Pam's friend.

Were you sniffing my boxers, dude?

No! Dude, no. She said l could come

up and borrow some clothes from you.

- No, no. Close the door...quick.

- OK.

- You tell anybody l wasn't here?

- No. They think you're asleep,

so, it's all good.

You scared me.

Your dad keeps you guys

under a close watch, huh?

No, it's not that bad.

Your little Pamcake's

got it a lot worse than l do.

Oh! You need some clothes.

Yes, that would be great, thanks.

Hey, glad to hook you up. All right.

Like what you've done

with the crib.

Oh, Lil' Kim. She's phat.

P-H phat.

These ought to do it.

Here you go, chief.

- All right!

- Enjoy.

- Thanks a lot.

- No problem.

Oh, don't worry about

the little covert op, all right?

- Keep it on the low down.

- Down low.

No doubt.

Come get your revised itineraries!

- Larry and Linda.

- Got it.

Bob. Honey.

l'm gonna activate the alarm.

lt'll go off in T minus 16 seconds.

- l don't need a jacket.

- lt's cold out. Hold on.

Here, take Denny's jacket.

Denny, l'm lending Greg your jacket.

- Whatever.

- Let's go.

F***!

- Denny! How's the tux fit?

- Dad. Uh...

What's that?

Oh, it's a sculpture

l found in Greg's jacket.

This isn't a sculpture.

lt's a device for smoking marijuana.

Really?

Not mine. lt's not.

Jack. How are you doing?

Like the top hat. lt compliments you.

Can l talk to you for a minute?

Sit down.

Did l not clearly explain

the Circle of Trust to you, Greg?

Mm, yeah. l think l got it.

Then, is there something

you want to tell me?

Mm, l... l don't think so.

Didn't we discuss this in the car?

Oh! Yes! You mean me and Pam.

l'd love to talk to you about that.

Not about Pam,

we're talking about you.

lf l can't trust you, Greg,

then l have no choice

but to put you outside the Circle.

And once you're out,

there's no coming back.

Mmm.

l would definitely

like to stay inside the circle.

Well, then tell me the truth.

OK.

Jack, l don't know

what we're talking about.

All right, Focker, l'm a patient man.

That's what 19 months in a Vietnamese

prison camp'll do to you.

But l will be watching you,

studying your every move,

and if l find that you are trying

to corrupt my firstborn child,

l will bring you down, baby.

l will bring you down to Chinatown.

# What am l gonna do?

# Hard to tell

# No, l'm not gonna kill myself,

but l might as well

l thought

we were going to Kevin's house.

We are, sweetie.

This is Kevin's new house.

Wow.

(Larry ) Amazing house!

(Bob ) Not bad, huh?

Maybe he uses marijuana

for medicinal purposes. People do.

Look, he's been lying from the start.

Hey. Getting some quality time

with the boys?

Yeah. lt was fun.

Listen, l hope this lunch

isn't too weird for you.

Why would "BBQ at Best Man's"

be weird?

Oh, my God, Greg!

l was sure l told you.

Kevin is Bob's best man.

This is his place.

Kevin, your ex-fianc?

(All cheering and greeting)

How does he know Bob?

(Both grunting)

Well, they...went

to Lacrosse Camp together,

and Kevin was the one

who introduced Bob to Debbie.

Lacrosse Camp?

(Kevin ) l was able to salvage this

wood from an old chapel in Nantucket.

(Whistling appreciatively)

(Pam ) The house is amazing.

(Kevin ) Thank you.

OK, the sun is out, the grill

is hot and the pool is luke,

so if l can interest you in a swim

and a BBQ, just follow me.

All right, Kevo. Right on schedule.

- Bring it on!

- Must've cost a fortune.

(Chatter continues )

- You OK, sweetie?

- Yeah.

l'm really sorry. l thought you knew.

lt's not a big deal.

lf l can handle a weekend

without sex and cigarettes,

l can handle your ex-fianc.

OK, thank you.

For the floor you're walking on,

l chose Bolivian wormwood.

lt works well in here.

l have the Viking range and the twin

Sub-Zs. They open up right there.

Oh, l get it. Like, hidden.

- Yeah, kinda blend in.

- Great.

Are you a homeowner, Greg?

No, no. l rent.

Oh.

So, things are going

real well for you, aren't they, Kevo?

Things have been going

so great lately.

l got in early on some wireless lPOs

and the stuff just skyrocketed.

Wow.

Greg, what line of work are you in?

l'm in healthcare.

So you know what l mean. There's lots

to be made with the biotech stuff.

l don't have to tell you that.

How's your portfolio?

l'd say strong...

to quite strong.

Yeah, strike while the iron's hot.

Now's the time.

Greg's a male nurse.

That's right. Thank you, Jack.

Wow. That's great,

to give something back like that.

l'd love to do some volunteer work.

The other day, l saw this dog,

he had, like, a gimp, he couldn't...

lt made me feel terrible.

l wished l could do something.

Well, l get paid,

but also it feels, you know, good,

so it's kind of, everybody wins.

What do you...? You're a Wall Street

trader, an investment guy?

l don't like to be painted with

that brush. Yes, that's my job...

Do we have time? OK, l wanna show

you what l'm really interested in.

Come on, let's go.

Wow! Looks like somebody got an "A"

in wood shop.

Yeah, it's always been

kind of a hobby.

l whittled that out of beechwood.

lt's beautiful.

So, what got you into carpentering?

Carpentry?

l guess l'd have to say Jesus.

He was a carpenter and l figured

if you're gonna follow in someone's

footsteps, who better than Christ?

Hm.

Greg's Jewish.

- Are you?

- Yeah.

Mm-hm.

Well, so was JC!

Wow. You're in good company.

Ha! Right.

l'm gonna head to the pool,

but why don't you show

Greg and Pam the gift?

(Greg) You made a gift?

(Pam ) Greg.

l just put a fresh coat of lacquer on

this, so bear with me with the fumes.

Wow! Kev!

- lsn't that something?

- That's incredible!

Roses. Deb's favourite!

- Yes, right.

- The little holes are for candles?

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